Hilarious Psychic Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Psychic Jokes

Librarian: Can I help you? Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

Score: 2408

What do you call an obese psychic? A four chin teller.

Score: 794

I went to visit a psychic, I knocked on her front door and she yelled

“Who is it”?

So I left

Score: 696

A Psychic buying clothes. Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small.

Employee: You didn’t even try it on.

Psychic: I’m a medium.

Score: 592

What do you a call a really fat psychic? A four chin teller

Score: 301

What's the best thing about fingering a psychic on her period? You get your palm red for free

Score: 300

Score: 274

I went to go see a psychic the other day.. I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

Score: 207

Psychic buys clothing Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small

Employee: You didn't even try it on

Psychic: I'm a medium

Score: 147

A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.

Score: 140

What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller.

Score: 127

What do you call a fat psychic? A 4-chin teller.

Score: 122

What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from jail? A small medium at large

Score: 115

What do you call a fat psychic? a four chin teller.

Score: 99

What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

Score: 97

What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday? Throw Them A Surprise Party.

Score: 91

I knew the psychic was a fraud the second she accepted my check

Score: 82

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt? Because he was a medium

Score: 82

What do you call a midget psychic that escapes prison? A small medium at large.

Score: 80

A man walks into a psychic barber shop Barber: say no more

Score: 77

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"Great," says the frog, "Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," said the psychic, "Next year - in biology class."

Score: 72

what do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? a small medium at large

Score: 71

Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death." Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

Score: 63

What do you call a psychic midget that escapes from prison? A small medium at large.

Score: 62

What do you call a midget psychic that just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

Score: 59

A man visits a psychic He doesn't believe in that stuff, but decided to have some fun. The psychic looks into her crystal ball and says, "I can see that you're a father of two..."

"Ha, that's what you think!" he replies. "I'm a father of three!"

"Ha! That's what you think!"

Score: 55

Hitler goes to a psychic and asks... “On what day will I die?”

The psychic says, “On a Jewish holiday.”

Skeptical, Hitler asks, “How can you be so sure?”

“Any day, on which you die,” explains the psychic, “will be a Jewish holiday.”

Score: 54

A psychic goes into a clothing store A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt.

Employee: "How about this shirt?"

Psychic: "That shirt is too small."

Employee: "You didn't even try it on"

Psychic: "Because I am a medium"

Score: 51

What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail? A small medium at large

Score: 48

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

Score: 48

My favorite psychic joke Ninja edit: sorry guys I didn't realize this was a repost from tomorrow

Score: 23

Knock Knock. A psychic.

Score: 19

A psychic dwarf has escaped from prison He's a small medium at large

Score: 17

Best thing about fingering a psychic on her period? You still get your palm read.

Score: 17

A psychic Dwarf has escaped from the prison!!! Police are looking for a small medium at large.

Score: 17

Not to brag, but I have a psychic ability of guessing what is inside a wrapped present. You can say....It’s a gift.

Score: 14

What do you call an anonymous psychic? A 4chan teller

...I'll see myself out

Score: 14

I got the job as a psychic! I don't know how.

Score: 13

What do you get when a short psychic escapes prison? A small medium at large!

Score: 12

What do you call a short, psychic who is wanted? A small medium at large

Score: 12

New Psychic Jokes

A psychic owed me money He knew what was coming for him!

Score: 2

Once there was a colorblind psychic... She had a little trouble telling the fuchsia.

Score: 1

A short fragment of a telephone conversation with psychic "Hello? Have I reached Marty the Psychic?"

"Yes"

"Hello Marty, my name is David"

"I know"

Score: 0

What do you call a psychic dwarf who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

Score: 0

So a Psychic Midget escaped from Jail There is a small medium at large

Score: 0

Did you hear the one about the midget psychic on the run from the cops? The headline read, "Small Medium at Large"

Score: 2

Did you hear about the midget psychic who broke out of prison? He's a small medium at large.

Score: 3

What do you call a midget who is also a psychic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped a mental institution?.... he was a small medium at large.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the wanted dwarf psychic? He's a small medium at large.

Score: 4

When I went to a psychic and I knoced on the door. I knew she was weak when she asked "Who is it?'

Score: 2

Rarely, hikers of the Appalachian trail report seeing psychic grizzlies take control of their friends, who start foraging and looking for honey... Bear in mind, that doesn't happen very often.

Score: 4

BREAKING: psychic dwarf escapes from prison. Small medium at large.

Score: 3

I Just Heard A Short Psychic Broke Out Of Jail... He is now a small medium at large

Score: 2

Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from prison? That makes him a small medium at large

Score: 8

So a psychic midget smoked some weed... He was a short high medium.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison? The newspapers read "Beware, small medium at large!"

Score: 4

What size clothing does a psychic wear? Medium

Score: 3

A short psychic escaped from prison It was a small medium at large

Score: 2

A psychic dwarf escapes from prison They said it was a small medium at large...

Score: 5

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison? He is a small medium at large.

Score: 9

What do you call a psychic gnome that just committed a hit and run? A small medium at large.

Score: 3

A psychic midget escaped from prison... The police are looking for a small medium at large.

Score: 9

A psychic dwarf has escaped from prison. Police say there is a small medium at large.

Score: 4

I walked by a psychic's shop today and noticed they had their hours of business posted. You'd think they would just show up when they knew someone was coming.

Score: 4

What do you call a psychic midget on the lam? A small medium at large.

Friend just told me this one thought you may enjoy it.

Score: 9

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chinned-teller.

Score: 7

What did the headlines say about the midget psychic who escaped from jail? SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE

Score: 6

What did the police dispatcher say when a short psychic woman escaped from prison? Calling all units, we have a small medium at large

Score: 3

What do you call a fat psychic? Four-chin teller.

Score: 7

Whenever my friend who does psychic shows for a living went to the toilet, I could always hear her giving a performance to her flowers, and she knew everything about them. Turns out they were plants.

Score: 2

How do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller

Score: 10

Why is the psychic so confident about the predictions she makes for 3 years out? Because she can see what is going to happen in 2020 crystal clear.

Score: 1

Did you hear about that psychic dwarf that escaped from prison? They're a small medium at large

Score: 3

a psychic midget escaped from jail Yes, we have a small medium at large

Score: 4

What do you call a short psychic who got away with murder? A small medium at large

Score: 2

Psychic in a clothes shop Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: Nah, its too small

Employee:But you haven't even tried it on.

Psychic: I'm a medium

Score: 5

A psychic goes to buy clothes Employee: how about this one?

Psychic: That top is too small

Employee: You didn't even try it on

Psychic: I'm a medium

Score: 4

A coworker of mine dated a psychic He told me she was very unique and well cultured.
I asked if she was a rare medium, well-done?

Score: 8

I visited a shopping complex owned by a fat psychic. It was a large medium's mall.

Score: 1

What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up? What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up?

A high low small medium at large.

Score: 5

Psychic Apprentice is ready! Psychic Apprentice: I'm ready to open my own shop. I quit.

Psychic: I knew this day would come.

Score: 3

What do you call the fat psychic? A four chin teller

Score: 1

What do you call a lousy psychic? Telepathetic.

Score: 3

A psychic midget just escaped from prison The news report said there was a small medium at large.

Score: 7

How does a psychic cokehead tell the future? With a magic 8-ball

Score: 4

Did you see the story about the psychic dwarf escaping prison? The headline was "Small medium at large".

Score: 6

I'd like to paint a picture of some famous psychic. But I'm having trouble deciding on a medium.

Score: 3

What do you call a really fat psychic that works at a bank? (Xpost /r/Cleanjokes) A four chin teller

Score: 1