Hilarious Red Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Red Jokes

We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.

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How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

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I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue! I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

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My least favorite color is purple. I hate it more than red and blue combined.

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Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? The Spanish Inquisition.

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We should've known about the failure of communism In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...

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Who wears a red suit, and knows if you are naughty or nice? The Spanish Inquisition

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No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

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Purple is my favorite color! I like it more than blue and red combined.

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When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!

Edit: wow, this is my highest rated post. Finally broke the 1000 karma barrier thank you all

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I should've known my boyfriend was a communist. There were plenty of red flags.

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If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow

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Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed? Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

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We should’ve known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.

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TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

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I should have known my friend was a communist. All the red flags were there.

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What's the most popular red wine?? We want our land back!!

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What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.

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What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free.

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Just found out I was dating a commie Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

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Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

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A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_

His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_

He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_

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What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!

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My Communist girlfriend is a real psycho.... How in the world did I miss all the red flags?

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A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."

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This morning I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water... ...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...

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I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known. All the red flags were there.

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I had coffee with Red Bull this morning... After about 10 minutes on the highway, I realized I left my car at home.

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Roses are red, cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

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My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine… So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…

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We should have known the Soviet Union would collapse. There were a lot of red flags.

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I once mixed Red Bull and coffee After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home

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My brother always gets mad when I mess with his red wine So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now he's sangria than ever...

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Roses are red Roses are red.
Violets are....red

Tulips are red

My garden is on fire.

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A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull. I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

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How can you tell how heavy a red hot chili pepper is? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

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Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible? He was having a midlife crisis.

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"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?" "Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

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What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man

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New Red Jokes

People should have known that Soviet Union would collapse. There were a lot of red flags.

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What do the colors in the German flag stand for? Black: cars

Red: sausages

Yellow: beer

Blue: jews

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I just found out I've been dating a communist.... I should have seen the red flags sooner

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How can you tell how heavy a red hot chili pepper is? 🌶 Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

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A date told me she'd love to have visited the Soviet Union at it's greatest. I got out of there real quick. It was clearly a big red flag.

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How do you date a communist? Ignore the red flags

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Stalin should’ve known communism was a bad thing There were red flags everywhere

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Why are red neck murders so hard to solve? All the DNA samples match and there are no dental records

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A couple of guys stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our neighborhood store. I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

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I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags... ...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.

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I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all... ...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.

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Whats red and sits in the corner getting smaller and smaller? A baby playing with a cheese grater

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Violets are blue, roses are red We’re doing this backwards

That’s what she said

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What's the difference between a red traffic light and a green traffic light? Please answer quickly, I'm almost at the intersection.

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I got fired from my mail route today. They said I wasn't picking up people's mail. I should have seen it coming though, there were red flags everywhere.

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A red blood cell was found stealing oxygen... They had to make a cardiac arrest.

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When do you stop at Green and go at Red? When eating a watermelon

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This morning I mixed Red Bull with my coffee This morning I mixed Red Bull with my coffee. I was more than half way to work before I realized that I forgot my car.

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If a red bird has red babies and a blue bird has blue babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow

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I'm at the beach with my friend. He's a huge prankster. He's just gone way out into the water with some of that red food colouring.

Hasn't moved for about ten minutes. Brilliant.

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What sound does a red metal rod make when it hits a white metal rod? *PINK!*

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What is green but turns red when you push the button A frog in a blender

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What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, red? Half a zebra

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Roses are red, violets are blue My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do

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What's big, red, hard too eat and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A fire truck

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A boy caught his dad red handed having an affair with the maid. The dad told the son, ”take this $10 and don’t tell your mum please!"
The son answered, ”but dad this is not fair!!” Mum gave me $50 when I caught her with the security Man.

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What do you call a red headed ninja? A Ginja

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So I was at the Red Cross... Shopping for a stretcher. The assistant asked if I'd like try it out before I bought it. I thought "Nah, I don't wanna get carried away."

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What do you call a sunburned librarian? Well red.

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A poem I read to my gf while proposing Roses are Red

Today is the Day

Plot Twist

I'm Gay

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Riddle me this: What's Hot N Red, Best in Bed? A bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos cause I'm alone

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A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.

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Recently found out I was colorblind... I guess I just didn't see the red flags.

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What's red and tastes like blue paint? Red paint

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Why does the blonde nurse take a red pen to work? In case she has to draw blood.

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What do you get when you take the red circle off the Japanese flag? The French flag.

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A Viking is arguing with his wife "It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"

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I should have broken up with my boyfriend when he showed me his collection of Soviet memorabilia... I mean, the red flags were right there in front of me.

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Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East as a fine red mist.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a knife. Get in the van.

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Cowards are yellow, Russians are red, Mix them together, it's Trump's orange head.

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My wife was cheating on me with the painter. I caught him red-handed.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? Bricks

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A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes. I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.

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When do you go on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon.

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Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date. When he found her naked, he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."

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The Red iPhone is here... It took them 10 years to finally be like an apple

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A red ship crashed into a blue ship! They were marooned

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What do you get when you finger a Gypsy on the rag? Your palm red for free.

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Roses are red, Rum is good... Too much rum..Now no wood :(

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Did you know? Type O Blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread and is now called Type “O” blood.

I guess you could call it a typo.

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Q: What's red and really bad for your teeth? A: A brick.

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What's white, black, and red all over? A race war.

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Someone broke into my local corner shop and stole 30 cases of Red Bull last night Honestly, I don't know how these people sleep at night

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A friend of mine was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.

When the policeman informed his family he said
"There's no easy way to say this"...

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My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not. Q: What type of bees make milk?

A: BOO-Bees!

And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.

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How was the red sea made? Over a very long period

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What do you call a red-head that works at a bakery? A ginger bread man.

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What do you call a cowardly, depressed communist that recycles? A green yellow red with the blues.

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What does a tornado and a red-neck divorce have in common? Either way someone's going to lose a trailer.

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