Hilarious Rice Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Rice Jokes

What is the one thing Spiderman can't eat? Uncle Bens rice.

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I told my girlfriend that brown rice was just white rice with a criminal record... ...she called me a riceist

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Ray rice got caught punching his girlfriend in an elevator It was wrong on so many levels.

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Ray Rice doesn't believe in giving women rights. However, he has no problem giving them a couple lefts

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What do you call someone who hates brown rice? Ricist.

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I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69 She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice

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What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner? All rice, all rice, all rice

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Chinese Food is amazing but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice

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LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun

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If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice... At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

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My friend told me white rice was better than brown rice... I stopped talking to him, because I don’t associate with ricists.

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What do you call it when Condoleezza Rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs? Conde sending condescending con descending.

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Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries... And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

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You can't fool me. I know chicken fried rice isn't real. You expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice?

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At the end of the day, we’re all human beans Together we will rice. Now lettuce pray. Ramen.

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Last night I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69... She made me sweet and sour pork with fried rice.

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If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice... ... at night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

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A man exclaims, "I would die to fulfill my quest.. to create the perfect grain blend. I would make.. ..the ultimate sack of rice."

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I went to the cannibal restaurant the other night and the waitress gave me the cold shoulder. It came with rice and a salad.

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What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice? The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

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If you love white rice, and hate brown rice.. You're a ricist.

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When daughter told me she prefers white rice over brown rice I was extremely disappointed. I didn't raise her to be a rice-ist.

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I only like white rice I guess you could say I'm ricist

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A drunk guy gets into a taxi.. -Ehh.. 'scuse me, driver... would it be okay if.. I left a few beers, some fried chicken, 2 tequila shots and some rice on your back seat?
-(confused)Ehm, sure.
*vomits*

Sorry people, I had to.

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If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. At night the Asians will come and fix it for you.

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Chipotle is releasing a new "Ravens" burrito. It comes with everything but rice.

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I like my women like I like my rice... Hot, white, and with my meat in it.

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So these 2 cannibals are eating dinner. One cannibal says, man I hate my mother-in-law. The other cannibal says, so eat the rice.

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Did you hear that a mob boss was killed... Did you hear that a mob boss was killed in a rice field by assailants wielding small figurines?

Police are saying it's the first recorded instance of a knick knack patty whack.

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I love white rice, but hate brown rice! Does that make me rice-ist?

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If you ever get your phone wet, put it in a bag of rice It will attract an Asian, who will then fix it.

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Sushi ...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood

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What's spider-mans favorite brand of rice ? Uncle Ben

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Why doesn't anyone trick or treat at Susan Rice's House? Because she unmasks them all.

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What's the best rice to sleep on? Pilau

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What do you call someone who hates rice? Ricist.

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What did the messed up psychologist have for dinner? Freud rice.

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What do youcall radioactive rice wine? Naga *Saki.*

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What do you call a citizen of Hiroshima? A rice crispy

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New Rice Jokes

Whats a gang members favofite snack? Rice cripsies

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Woman gets sentenced 10 days in jail for stealing bag of apple Judge: you’ll serve one day for each apple in the bag you stole

Husband: *jumps out of his seat* and tells the judge she also stole a bag of rice

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What did Christa McAuliffe and Don Rice’s girlfriend have in common? They both went down on the challenger.

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I keep a bowl of iPhone's at my house. Just in case my rice gets wet.

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I’m particular about who prepares my food. I walked out of a Chinese place when they told me a shrimp fried their rice.

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The reason putting a pgone in rice works because...... A chinese man comes along to fix it.

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What do yoy call an anti asian Rice-ist

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If you prefer white rice over brown rice.... Does that make you a rice-ist?

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What do you call someone who likes white rice over brown rice? A Ricest

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What do you call a half Chinese half Irishman? A Rice Paddy.

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What does two rice grains in the sink mean? Some Somalian has been up all night puking.

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TIL that Kellogg's were not the first to make Rice Crispies.... It was a Little Boy, and a Fat Man

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My parents were so poor... That they got married for the rice.

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What do you get when you have fish and rice in a shoe? Shoeshi

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A chinese man walked his dog. He met another man who had a dog as well and they had a little chat.
**Other Man**:"Your dog looks so cute, what´s his name ? My dog is called Jack."
**Chinese Man**: "Number 32 sweet & sour with rice and mixed vegetables"

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Japanese doctors love humanitary missions in Africa who doesn't love head rice?

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What do you call a really pale Asian? Rice cracker.

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What do you call a person who doesn't like white rice? A Riceist

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Why did Richard Spencer break up with his Asian girlfriend when he saw her working at a Chinese grocery store? Because he realized she was a rice trader.

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What do you call a food that used to be enjoyed by the poor, but is now eaten by the wealthy elite? Gentrifried rice.

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Its best to put your phone on some rice when its wet Asian people will come at night and fix it

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LPT: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

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Chris Brown and Ray Rice and walk into a bar... I'd tell you the rest of the joke, but they beat me to the punchline.

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Our top story of the day. Today hit-man Jimmy "Two Shoes" Mclardy confessed to once being hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two porcelain figurines.

Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

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