Hilarious Sad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Sad Jokes

If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember... that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

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Why is the archaeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins.

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Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage virgin But today I turned 20

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Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.

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Whenever I'm sad my friend always says "cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water" I know he means well...

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The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible... I'm sad as a coconut.

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Why was the archaeologist sad? Because his career was in ruins^I'm^so^sorry

EDIT: Possibly funnier than this arguably lame joke, click on the "show comment" that scored below the threshold.

EDIT: Never mind. He deleted his comments, sadly.

Score: 634

Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad. Maybe I should let her in.

Score: 599

I always get sad when I crush my drink cans. It’s soda pressing.

Score: 371

Whenever I’m sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says “B positive”.

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I thought Friday was a sad day... Turns out the next day was a sadder day.

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I went to the dentist today Dentist: Open up please

Me: Sometimes I get sad.

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The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.

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Why don't Germans compete in marathons? They have a sad history of not finishing off races.

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Every time it rains I find my wife standing at the window, looking kind of sad. Maybe I should let her inside.

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I think my wife is starting to get depressed with all this rain we’re getting. Everyday, I see her at the window with a sad look on her face. If it gets any worse I might have to let her back inside.

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I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights

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What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso

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A couple was having a conversation, when... ...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

Score: 252

Guy calls in on radio show **Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

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The English team visited an orphanage in brazil. "It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope”,said Jose age 6.

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Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey

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Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity? It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

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What bounces and makes children sad? The checks I write to the Make-A-Wish foundation.

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What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso

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When ever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad. Sometimes I even let her in.

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My obese parrot died the other day I’m very sad but I gotta say it’s a big weight off my shoulders

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A bullet walks into a bar, depressed. "Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.

"I got fired."

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Why are PC gamers always so sad? Because they can't console each other.

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So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(

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Why was the man who crushed recycled pop cans for a living sad with his life? Because his job was soda pressing.

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What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.

...I'll get my coat.

Score: 83

There's this wheelchair bound kid that gets bullied alot. It's really sad cause he can't seem to stand up for himself.

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The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.

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I hosted a sad orgy the other night... Nobody came.

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Don't be sad... Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

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My friend told me he felt sad because he didn't know the lyrics to "YMCA". I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down".

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Why are PC gamers always sad Because they can't console each other

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What do you call a sad singer in a bath tub.... A soap opera...

(My first joke)

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New Sad Jokes

How do sad people communicate? Morose code.

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My brother who has stutter is in prison right now.... So sad he will not be able to complete his sentence

Taken from u/gagga_hei

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Deer 1 notices Deer 2 is feeling sad Deer 1: what’s wrong

Deer 2: well my wife went to Vegas, and blew 50 bucks

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Why does Lassie eat cantaloupe when she's sad? She's melon collie.

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Bin Laden's kid comes sad from school "Dad i got an F in Geography class"

"Why is that?"

"The teacher asked me what's the tallest building in New York and i said Empire State Building"

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies

"Let dad handle this one."

Score: 14

When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad. But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!

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It's sad to see people with MBA's ending up as McDonald's cashiers They're taking jobs from English majors.

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We have to bury my dog today. Mom: Don't be sad. All dogs go to heaven.
Me: Thanks mom. Where does updog go?
Mom: What's up dog?
Me: Not much dog. Just looking for a shovel.

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Why is Kevin Spacey so good at writing sad songs Because he’s great at fingering minors

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Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.

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Why was the button sad? Because it was depressed

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How many??? A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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The Cleveland Browns visited an orphanage last week after their loss. "It was so sad to see all the pain and hurt in their eyes." Said Katie, age 7.

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Why was the archaeologist sad? Because his career was in ruins!!

Give me your downvotes; I AM FUELED BY YOUR DOWNVOTES!!!!

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A sad and depressed cat walks to a bar Bartender:what will ya have?

Cat:shot of rum.
(Bartender pours it)

(Cat slowly pushes it off the bar).
Cat:another.

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Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.

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My friends like meaningless, depressing, and sad jokes. That's why they like me

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People are really sad about the news that Larry King has lung cancer while others are excited to hear he's alive.

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I've been telling him too many dad jokes apparently. Wife: I was feeling sad because the sun went away.

10-year old boy: I'm right here!

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What do you call a sad gangster? An emoji.

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Why was no one sad when the headless snowman melted? He was a snowbody.

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Arkansas ranks highly among other states in terms of depression and adultery It's a sad state of affairs.

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How can you tell that a wedding cake is sad? Just look at the tiers.

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I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died... ...but I was delighted

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My parents said they would never play favorites... Which is sad considering I was an only child

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Life is like a box of chocolates. At the end you're fat and sad.

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Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad? His Mummy.

I'm sorry.

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Dentist: open up please Me: sometimes I get sad and I don't know why

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Why was the daschund owner sad? Because he has a tiny weiner.

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Two cannibals sit down to eat The one ask to the other why he is so sad?

I don't like my mother in law

It's okay, just eat your chips then

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Why are people in St. Louis always sad? They live in a constant state of Missouri.

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Respect the dead A young man went to a funeral. While being there he noticed that the church had a wireless network.

Hey, what is the wifi password?

A sad relative said:

Respect the dead!

And the boy asked:

All in lowercase?

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Sad Husband A depressed husband said to his wife: “ You are my only investment that has doubled.”

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What do you call a dude who only masturbates to sad scenes in movies? A tear-jerker.

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I lost a loved one recently and while I was sad at first, I'm okay with it now... The wiki says they get brought back next season.

edit: resurrected -> brought back (sounds better)

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A pen maker's joke I asked the ink drop why it looked so sad.

He said his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long her sentence would be.

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Life is like a christmas sweater I want to get rid of it but that would just make my grandma sad

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Did you hear of the man who drank a can of varnish? It was a sad end, but a beautiful finish.

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I was sad I missed a Dave Chappelle special on T.V... But then my girlfriend reminded me, I can just watch Amy Schumer to hear all his best jokes.

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Mary Pennington, the oldest survivor of the Titanic, died this week at the age of 106. Sad in any case, but what really made it tragic is that she was only a quarter mile from shore.

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Sad news in music today... Justin Bieber was spotted in good health.

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Remember when Pop Rocks used to be popular? Sad, they kind of fizzled out.

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I got tired of my life being sad and depressed so I turned it around. Now I'm depressed and sad.

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It's so sad... that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.

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Why are turtles so sad? They have to live a long time.

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I wanted to tell a depressing, sad joke that was hilarious So I phoned up Trump and said "that was hilarious"

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What do you get from a sad cow? Blue cheese.

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My friend was sad and complaining to me about how she's having trouble losing weight. "The change isn't immediate", I told her. "Just keep your chins up."

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If a plant is sad, do the other plants... photosympathize with it?

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"I saw a stray cat earlier," said my dad. "How sad..." I replied.

He said, "No idea. I didn't ask him."

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Why was the cookie so sad? Because his mother was a wafer so long.

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Omegle joke Guy 1: Hey!

Guy 2: Hey.

Guy 1: I'm pretty sad, can you give me a joke?

Guy 2: Sure! Knock Knock.

Guy 1: Who's there?

Guy 2: Disco.

Guy 1: Disco who?

Guy 2: Disconnected.

'Your conversational partner has been disconnected.'

Guy 1: ...

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Whenever I'm sad, my dad tells me "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...

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What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? "Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"

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jokes about depression used to be funny.... now they're just sad.

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Someone asked me to write a sad story in 3 words today I just replied "Trump or Hilary"

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What do you call a sad state? Missouri

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Its terrible how so few black people get nominated for an Oscar It's so sad they're not as talented as white people.

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Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned? He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway.

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Why was Mr. Strawberry sad? He was in a Jam.

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