Salesman Jokes

My first day as a car salesman... Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

[first day as a car salesman] Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Marriage joke My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

You are what you think you are Her: What do you do?

Me: Global prosthetics distribution.

Her: So you’re an artificial limb salesman?



Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.

I used to work as a bed salesman One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.

Latvian man goes to buy iPhone.. Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.

Did you hear about the lady who fell in love with a ginger ale salesman? [original!] She was Schwepped off her feet

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish.... And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime.

Arrested at the airport I’m a car salesman going to New York for the unveiling of the new Porsche 911 model

When i landed in New York the TSA asked me “are you here for business or pleasure”
I responded “I’m here for the new 911”

I didn't go to college, I went to the 'School of Hard Knocks'. Because I wanted to get a job as a door-to-door hearing aid salesman.

Bought a Russian car... The salesman said it was the krem de la kremlin, but every time it's putin gear, it keeps stalin. My wife said, "Crimea river, I'm not lenin you my car!"

What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman? "Do you sell flip-flips?"

I've always wanted to be a mirror salesman It's just something I could see myself doing

Donald Trump is such a good salesman he could sell ice to the Eskimos. Which will come in handy considering his policies on global warming.

A salesman approaches you Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.

Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.

This text is tiny, I can't read it.

Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you

A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree... ... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

What did the world's first hotcake salesman say? "SALES ARE UNPRECEDENTED!"

I'm a corduroy pillow salesman you might say that my product is making headlines

A salesman tried to sell me a coffin today. So I looked the guy right in the eyes and told him "That's the last thing I need."

I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it. He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology salesman? The car salesman knows he is lying.

I told a salesman I desperately needed a new TV. "Do you plan on mounting it?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I'm not *that* desperate."

A salesman with a bad lisp... came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha womb."

I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead. I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

A salesman told me to buy a different deer hunting rifle He told me it was a bigger bang for your buck

I've bedded countless women. Best bed salesman ever.

What does a a cowboy car salesman say *tips hat* Audi

Knock Knock Knock Knock

Who's there?

Doorbell salesman!

I went to buy a new car... The salesman said- “Buy it today, and you won’t make a payment for six months.”

I said- “Boy! You really know me!”

What did the mystic say to the hot dog salesman? Make me one with everything.

I've been trying to sell my child to any house that will take her. I'm a daughter door salesman.

A merchant had been selling salt and pepper for 30 years... He's a pretty seasoned salesman

What does a pimp have in common with a used car salesman? They both tricked me out of money with a passable tranny.

Why did the apple salesman fire his delivery boy? He was driving him bananas.

The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter.

A rabbi, an irishman, a travelling salesman, and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender asks them "what is this, some kind of joke?"

My girlfriend introduced me to her father and mentioned I was a knife salesman He said he’s happy she’s dating me because I must be pretty sharp.

So I dated a car salesman... When we broke up he called me a depreciating asset.

Guy robs a watch store Guy walks into a Watch store and the customer says "I'm just looking". The salesman says "take your time!" So the guy walks out with the watches.