Hilarious Sat Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Sat Jokes

I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for ten hours straight. Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.

Score: 2165

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

Score: 640

Yo mama's so fat when she sat on a memory foam it forgot

Score: 598

Score: 431

Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT Now it's just going to be called the T.

Score: 373

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Score: 302

My sister sat on my glasses and broke them... I suppose it's my fault for not taking them off first

Score: 284

I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier. I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

Score: 200

A man is asked to give a speech on rape... He stands up and says "Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."

Then sat down.

Score: 171

I was sat on the train opposite a cute Thai girl today and all i could think was "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"..... ... But she did.

Score: 147

I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them! to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on

Score: 138

8 years ago I worked up the courage to ask the shy, beautiful girl who sat next to me in history class to be my girlfriend. Today, I asked her to be my wife. She said no both times.

Score: 132

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a crying baby. Apparently that's not allowed if it's yours.

Score: 113

I went to the dentist. I sat down in the chair and he said, "Open up for me..."

"OK," I said, "my parents don't love me very much."

Score: 97

A woman is sat at her husband's funeral when a man leans in and says "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Go right ahead," she replies.
"Plethora," he says.
"Thanks," the woman smiles. "It means a lot."

Score: 94

I sat in my closed garage with the car on for 30 mins... before I realized I shouldn't have gone with the Tesla.

Score: 88

Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... "One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."

Score: 79

If Hillary becomes president She'll be sitting at the desk Monica sat under

Score: 78

I was on the train this afternoon... when I sat across from a very attractive babe from Thailand.

I spent the next 10 minutes thinking to myself, "don't get an erection, please don't get an erection". But she did.

Score: 74

Willpower I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

Score: 68

A child molester, a conman and a priest walks into a bar He then sat down.

Score: 56

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. Where the HECK is my roof?!

Score: 53

I wasn't always a Flat Earther. In fact, I used to believe the Earth was round... ...until your mom sat on it.

Score: 53

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

Score: 43

A dyslexic put a dinner roll on a chair before he sat down... It was a pad bun.

Score: 36

I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy... ...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.

Score: 30

At a job interview, I sat down at at the table and in front of me was a pitcher of water and an empty cup. I poured too much and the cup started to overflow. "Nervous?" The interviewer asked me.
"No," I responded, "I always give 110%"

Score: 29

What did the grape do when the elephant sat on it? Let out a little wine.

Score: 28

If someone cloned me without my permission and then sat that clone down right next to me, do you know how angry I would be? I would be beside myself.

Score: 28

I was watching TV and my wife sat next to me Wife: "What's on the TV?"

Me: "Dust."

And so the fight began...

Score: 26

A 5-year-old sat next to a pregnant lady. Boy: Why is your tum-tum so huge?

Lady: Because I have a baby inside it.

Boy: Is it a nice baby?

Lady: It is a very nice healthy baby.

Boy: Then why did you eat it?

Score: 21

My dad sat me down and told me I was adopted... "Pack your bag", he said. "They'll be here in thirty minutes."

Score: 19

My son wanted to go whale watching for his birthday. So we sat outside McDonald's.

Score: 17

Just saw a man crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."

Score: 13

I used to be so popular in school I would have a new best friend every year.. ..until I got to high school and they let everyone pick where they sat in class

Score: 13

My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night "I've cooked dinner," she screamed, "And if you're not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog." "Woooah! That's bang out of order!" I said, "It's not his fault."

Score: 9

Ask /r/jokes: What are your favorite twisted nursery rhymes? Little Miss Muffet sat down on a tuffet
Holding her can of RAID
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
So she blew the little sucker away.

Score: 8

I got mad when I sat on the toilet and my seat was warm and wet. The man I sat on wasn't too happy either.

Score: 8

I just got pulled over for speeding and the cop asked me to identify myself. I sat up straight and looked in the mirror and said... "Yes. That's me."

Score: 7

Two fonts walk into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we don't serve fonts here!" But they sat down anyways because they were **bold**.

Score: 7

New Sat Jokes

My girlfriend haa been gaining a lot of weight so I sat her down And said we need to talk about the elephant in the room

Score: 0

I was driving home when a group of Australian aboriginals sat in the middle of the road for 10 minutes, did a traditional dance then demanded money from everyone watching. It was highway corroboree!

Score: 0

Mr. Potatohead sat reminiscing about a time when he still had all his parts intact Where did the ears go?

Score: 4

Van Gogh walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender asks him to please contribute to the tip jar and asked him if he had any small bills. Van Gogh searches through his pocket and said,” I got one right ‘ere.”

Score: 2

hope it won’t happen on SAT The brain is amazing, works 24 hours a day and only stops when... we are taking a test.

Score: 1

My son asked me how his life started. I sat him down and told him, "Well son, it all started with a big bang".

He said, "No dad, I know about that, I meant my life".

"That's what I'm talking about", I replied, "it was your mum, me and five other fellas".

Score: 1

I was sat across from a screaming child on the train the other day... ... He was so loud I could hear him through my wolf mask.

Score: 3

I was sat across from a screaming child on the train the other day they were so loud i could hear then through my Wolf Mask

Score: 1

What is an instrument that has been sat on? A flat instrument.

Score: 1

I saw my friend sat on the deck drinking some wine. "Hey, buddy!" I shouted. "You're ruining my cards."

Score: 1

A hobbyist robot builder attempted to satirize the American public by building a 300 pound hunk of metal that sat in front of the TV all day long. In the end, he had difficult maintaining it, because it didn't work out.

Score: 2

I'm loving my new desk. It looks good and is at the perfect working height. I sat down, got myself comfortable and thought.. Yeah I could really get behind this.

Score: 2

I watched a crow land on the line out front today it was joined by five more in a few minutes. They sat cawing softly a bit, then flew off different directions.

I think I just saw an attempted murder.

Score: 3

Hear about the girl who sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Are you gonna lie to me!?" Pinocchio said, "Yes... no... yes... no... yes... no...!"

Score: 3

My brother came to see my new (male ) Pit-bull. The dog sat down ,lifted his leg and started licking his private. My brother said "Man, I wish I could do that!" I thought for a minute and then said "If you are going to try, I think I would pet him first!"

Score: 1

It was a cold winter night... ...so I sat in the corner. It's 90^o there, so I warmed right back up.

Score: 2

My dad sat me down and told me I needed to stop "playing the victim" But he's just a vindictive bully

Score: 1

An old lady went to visit her dentist When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs.

The dentist said, "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist."

"I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."

Score: 2

Did You Hear The One About T he Insomniac, Dyslexic, Agnostic? Sat Up All Night Wondering If There Really Was A Dog...

Score: 6

I went on a date with a lovely African lady We just sat and clicked for hours!

Score: 2

Ash sat up with a jolt, nose hairs on end. He sneezed explosively. Witnesses reported a peak ah-choo.

Score: 1

3 Women are sat at a bar.. The first of the three says proudly "I can fit my whole fist up there". To this the second woman turns and says "well I can fit both my fists up there". The third woman just smiled and slowly slid down the barstool.

Score: 6

You can now buy celebrity-voiced sat-navs for your car. I bought the Princess Diana version. It just keeps saying "Put your foot down, I think we can lose them"

Frankie Boyle

Score: 3

Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? She sat on Pinocchio's face and made him lie to her.

Score: 2

Your hairline is so far back That even Rosa Parks sat in front of it.

Score: 2

Yo' mama is so fat... ...She sat on my iPod and turned it into an iPad, and then asked Steve Jobs to market it.

Score: 1

Two old dears were sat on a bench "it's windy today!"
"I think it's Thursday... "
" So am I. Let's go get a cup of tea."

Score: 3

What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper? Ruff ruff

Score: 1

I sat down next to a guy on the bus and he gave me a really strange look… "Just great!" I thought. "The bus is empty and I still end up next to a screwball."

Score: 3

I sat up all night trying to figure out where the sun went. And then it dawned on me!

Score: 1

I was on a date last night, as I sat at my table, forking my food awaiting my date to arrive, I realized they had stood me up, and I had to foot the bill. Long story short...... Don't ever date a leg

Score: 2

Jimmy Rose sat on a tack... Jimmy rose.

Score: 2

What's the best nation in the world? A donation

(Adapted from a homeless man who sat outside my building)

Score: 3

I had to return my Bonnie Tyler Sat Nav It kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart

Score: 1

What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? Ruff

Score: 4

I sat down and watched this movie with Nicolas Cage the other day... We talked through the whole movie and he is actually a pretty cool guy.

Score: 1