Hilarious Slow Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Slow Jokes

Score: 9552

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

Score: 3194

A wife is yelling at her husband "Get out of the house! I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

The guy says: "So hang on a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Score: 3085

My wife got so mad at me My wife got so mad at me she packed my bags and told me to get out. As I walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

Score: 1541

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down.

Score: 785

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen

Score: 631

If your girlfriend starts smoking Slow down and start using a lubricant

Score: 613

Jack and Jill work together in an office... Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

Score: 453

So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house... "I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Score: 380

What's that black stuff between an elephants toes? Slow Natives.

Score: 317

I said to my girlfriend..... I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."

Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."

What fun that was...

Score: 287

I told my girlfriend that mom is deaf, so be sure to speak loud and slow… Told mom that my girlfriend is retarded…

Score: 268

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye so I ordered reallllyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen.

Score: 260

I was driving by a sign that said "SLOW - School Zone" when it hit me... A child to be exact.

Score: 253

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.....this should be an interesting night.

Score: 211

As I was leaving with my bags, my wife said, "I hope you have a slow and miserable death"... I said, "So you want me to stay now?".

Score: 210

If your girlfriend starts smoking... Slow down and use lubricant

Score: 207

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down, and maybe use some lubricant.

Score: 182

If your girlfriend starts smoking slow down or apply lubricant

Score: 180

My gf told me to leave and never come back... My gf told me to leave and never come back. As I was leaving she screamed, "I hope you die a slow painful death" so I said, "Oh so now you want me to stay?"

Score: 174

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD" First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

Score: 127

My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire

Score: 122

The wife was screaming at her Husband: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As he was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

He turned around and replied "So, now you want me to stay?”

Score: 121

Make Up Your Mind My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she demanded.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"

Score: 104

Pedophiles may be bad people... ... but at least they drive slow through the school zones

Score: 92

What do you call a mentally retarded chef? A slow cooker

Score: 89

I wanted to help my pet snail. He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.

Score: 86

What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use lubricant.

Score: 85

Say what you will about pedophiles..... at least they drive slow in school zones.

Score: 77

I got chlamydia from a person with special needs She gave me the slow clap

Score: 59

Slow typing... After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

Score: 55

I did a self defense course I would't recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion

Score: 49

My 93-year-old grandma has rheumatoid arthritis and is slow at crosswalks. Yesterday, she got hit by a car. She's perfectly fine -- she has an auto-immune disease!

Score: 37

At a Down Syndrome disco... ...Do you think they have a slow dance?

Score: 34

What's the difference between a baby and a speed bump? I go slow over speed bumps.

Score: 21

I'm currently studying snails and slugs. It's safe to say I'm a slow learner.

Score: 20

Volkswagon were pretty dumb to name one of their cars 'Golf' Why name a car after a slow and boring sport where the hardest part is driving

Score: 15

Yo' mama so slow... ...it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes

Score: 15

I'm a really slow reader. Today, I only got through six pages of my dictionary. From dawn to dusk.

Score: 13

Simba was moving too slow So I told him to Mufasa

Score: 12

New Slow Jokes

China Online What do you call a Chinese man with a slow internet connection?

Lo Ding

Score: 2

A very old couple are lying naked in bed, and the wife asks, "What would you do if I started smoking?" He replies, "Slow down and use some lube."

Score: 0

What did Santa say to the slow working elves? Wrap it up

Score: 0

What do you call a mentally challenged Usian Bolt? Fast and slow

Score: 0

I am so incredibly slow at putting up decorations you could say I am ornamentally retarded

Score: 3

You managed to get gonorrhea from a sloth? *slow clap*

Score: 5

There’s one good thing about child molesters They drive slow in school zones

Score: 2

Networking is a bit like digestion, network running slow... Add fiber

Score: 1

I dont like music made by special needs people... I've never really been one for slow jams.

Score: 2

an armadillo barely escaped birds of pray luckily, nuns are terribly slow in their habits

Score: 3

A confused man bursts into a shrink's office "Doc...doc...doc, you gotta help me. I'm a tipi. No I'm a wigwam. I'm a tipi! I'm a wigwam?! I'm a tipi?! I'm a wigwam?! I'm a tipi?!! I'm a wigwam..."

The baffled doctor interrupts, "Woah, woah. Slow down sir. You're two tense."

Score: 1

A tobacco shop burned down last week. It was a slow burn. A little earthy, but nice overall.

Score: 1

Do do a job too slow, but also don't do a job too fast. Try to always do a half-fast job.

Score: 3

If your girlfriend starts smoking You should probably slow down and use some lube

Score: 1

I was driving through a construction zone when I saw a sign that read "slow down construction" That's a cocky place to put that

Score: 1

A consumptive when out walking was accosted: 'Ah my friend you walk slow.' 'Yes ' replied he 'but I am going fast.

Score: 1

What do you feed a car to make it slow down? Break fast

Score: 1

I met Putin once He was Russian.

I told him to slow down.

Score: 1

Sir, don't you know that smoking is slow death? Who said i was in a hurry?

Score: 3

What do you call the STD that restricts arm movements? [Slow hand clap]

Score: 1

What's the difference between a hill and three legged dog? One's a slope up, and the other is a slow pup

Score: 2

How many farmers does it take to grease a combine? ...only two, if you feed them in real slow.

Score: 4

I'm the humanoid version of Windows95.. I'm slow, past my prime, constantly crashing, and no longer supported.

Score: 5

Why was the fish a slow typer He had Carp-al Tunnel

Score: 5

What did the adenine derivative say when he became a suspect? I'm inosine!

*slow backstage exit*

Score: 1

I saw a sign... It said "Slow." I thought "What did you just call me!?" Then I saw a Stop sign and thought "If you think you can tell me what to do right after an insult, you have grossly overestimated your power!"

Then I got T-Boned by a Cop car.

Score: 6

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down. And probably use some lube.

Score: 2

What should you do when you see your girl smoking? Slow down, use lube and try again.

Score: 5

What do you call a slow pastry? A retart.

Score: 7

Why is my computer so slow in the morning? It hasn't had its cup of Java yet.

Score: 1

My mechanic tried to convince me that my car needs new brakes But I know that it would just slow me down.

Score: 5

I've got really slow reaction times April fools!

Score: 5

Slow Torture I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days.

It’s on its last legs now.

Score: 3

What do you say to Simba when he's too slow? Mufasa

Score: 2

My coworker claimed his computer was slow, so I put an unplugged computer tower next to him. He reported blazing speeds the next day Sounds like the PC-bo effect to me . . .

Score: 4

Sprint should rename their company To slow jog

Score: 3

Did you hear about the 8-year old dairy farmer? He had to repeat 3rd grade because he was a slow churner.

Score: 1

A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student. Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.

Teacher: So, What?

Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.

Score: 2

A student walks into class late... Teacher: "Why are you late?"

Student: "While I was coming, I saw a sign that said **School ahead. Slow down.**"

Score: 8

Why did the driver slow down when he saw two meth heads? It was a speed trap

Score: 2

Teacher: Why are you late? Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Score: 2

How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units

Score: 5

My extremely slow tailor is trying to give me an impromptu fitting but I don't want to do it right now I'm taking steps to prevent the measure

Score: 7

Why don’t you see any slow black people? All the slow ones are in prison.

Score: 7

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slow swimmer.

Score: 1

I'd really like to applaud my doctor. The symptoms of my gonorrhea are finally starting to go away. ::slow clap::

Score: 2

Why are black people so fast? Because all the slow ones are in prison

Score: 2

If your soviet girlfriend wants to take it slow Don't Russia

Score: 9

I recently got a device that can remotely slow down any car And as an added bonus it shows me what speed they're going at too!

Score: 1

What do you call the mushy red stuff between shark teeth? Slow swimmers

Score: 1

What do you do if your daughter starts smoking? Slow down and use lube.

Score: 3