Hilarious Smile Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Smile Jokes

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

I met a pretty girl. Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 1252

I asked a pretty homeless woman... I asked a pretty homeless women if I could take her home, she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 815

Score: 646

I went on a blind date where her online profile said she had an infectious smile. Turns out they were cold sores.

Score: 410

A guy is talking to a girl A guy is talking to a girl :

"Everytime I see your smile, I want to take you to my place"

"Oh ! You think I'm pretty ?"

"No, I'm a dentist."

Score: 367

An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!

I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Score: 348

My daughter always said she wanted to see her name up in lights... You should've seen the smile on her face when she turned to look at me and say:

"Daddy, what's an 'Amber Alert'?"

Score: 326

Homeless girl I asked a pretty, young, Homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 320

the homeless woman I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 306

Just remember you are someone's reason to smile. Because you're a joke.

Score: 291

Some people are like slinkies Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs

Score: 270

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs"

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so"

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now"

Score: 248

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?" I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

Score: 224

When I see a woman driving a bus When I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in equality.
`
And then I wait for the next bus.

Score: 186

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 170

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table... I said, "Good legs."

She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 129

Some people are like slinkies They don't really have a purpose but it still brings a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs

Score: 103

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

Score: 99

Some people are like slinkies They don't do much, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Score: 97

You cant breathe through your teeth while smiling. Jk, i just wanted to make you smile. Spread the love.

Score: 89

It's in the Smile A boy met a girl....

Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.

Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single?

Girl: No, I am a dentist.

Score: 79

Some people are like Slinkies... They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Score: 73

I asked a beautiful homeless girl if I could taker her home with me. She said, "Yes!" With a big smile... But that quickly changed when I walked away with the cardboard box that she lived in.

Score: 73

Some people are like slinkies... ...they're not really good for anything but they still put a smile on your face when you push them down the stairs.

Score: 68

Some people are like Slinkies... Some people are like Slinkies.

Not really good for anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Score: 67

Always remember you're someones reason to smile Because youre a joke

Score: 62

Guy goes into a deli He looks over the menu:

Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
Handjob: $250

He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"

"I do!" She says with a smile!

"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"

Score: 62

Why did the snowman smile? He heard that the snow-blower was in town.

Score: 61

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.

Score: 41

Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.

Guy : Awwww..Are you single ?

Girl :No, I'm a Dentist..

Score: 35

Some people are like a slinky. Not good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Score: 34

Wife woke up this morning with a huge smile on her face.. Man I love sharpies

Score: 33

A vampire walks into a blood bar with a big smile on his face.... The bartender looks at him confused and the vampire says, "Always B positive!"

Score: 25

Anyone can bring a smile to your face Especially when you push them down the stairs

Score: 18

Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile I tried - but they wanted cash.

Score: 14

A man meets a girl in a bar The man says to the girl "every time you smile it makes me want to take you home"

The girl replies "Your words are beautiful, are you a poet?"

The man replies "No I am a dentist"

Score: 14

Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.

Score: 10

Why does the bride-to-be smile as she's walking to the alter? Because she knows she has already given her last blow-job.

Score: 8

I've always said my smile is magnetic. Repulsion is an effect of magnetism.

Score: 8

New Smile Jokes

Did you know that you can't breath through your nose when smiling? Of course you can! I just wanted to make you smile!



Not sure if this is fit for this sub. mods can remove this if they want to.

Score: 0

Why did the vegan smile when he opened the refrigerator? He saw the Salad Dressing

Score: 2

Today a woman told me that I have a beautiful smile and asked me what I use on my teeth. I looked at her and said "Polygrip".

Score: 4

Really made me smile when I walked past a group of midget mathematicians today... It's the little things that count.

Score: 6

I always punch psychics when they smile Its important to strike a happy medium

Score: 3

A MAN GOES INTO THE POSTCARD SHOP Guy goes into the shop, and asks the attendant:

"Do you have those postcards that say "For the only true love of my life?"

"Of course sir", she answers with a smile. What a romantic guy!

"Great. Give me 9, please!"

Score: 2

I don’t have to go to Hawaii to ”hang 10” I can just stand here and smile

Score: 2

A neutron walks into a bar He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Score: 4

Strapped For Cash During college, I worked on  a conveyor belt. One day, I was  on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
“I work at the end of a belt,” I said.

With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”

Score: 6

What did the physiotherapist say to the man who said it hurts when I smile Go see a psychiatrist

Score: 1

Was making jokes all night but my date never cracked a smile. Some people just don't get my dollars of humor.

Score: 3

A chef asked a server for some items from the back. The server returned naked with a smile and a can of whipped cream, and the chef angrily exclaimed...

"THIS IS NEITHER THE THYME NOR THE PLATES!"

Score: 2

How do you make Swiss cheese? Tell them to smile.

Score: 3

A kid asks his father why he named his sister Teresa The Father says "I've named my kids after things that I love and Teresa is an anagram of Easter"

The kid with a smile says "That's really nice Dad"

The father says "Thanks Alan"

Score: 1

My Texan friends really seem to love German cars. Every time I see them, they smile, wave real friendly-like and say, "Audi!"

Score: 7

They say comedy equals tragedy plus time, but who has time for that? That's the whole joke... sorry... Have a haiku?

Life is but a joke

Behind everybody's face

Skulls smile agreement

Edit: Fixed the "smile" issue and slight phrasing :)

Score: 2

I complimented my Jewish girlfriend today, but all she did was slap me! Apparently, "You have a smile that could brighten the holocaust" wasn't very appropriate.

Score: 1

All your mom wants this mother's day is something big and between her lips A smile.

Score: 3

Some people are like slinkies They aren't really good for anything but you cant help but smile when they tumble down the stairs.

Score: 6

Why do blondes smile during lightening storms? They think their picture is being taken.

Score: 1

I saw a stranger in an alley I saw a stranger in an alley, and decided to give him $2000.

You should have seen the smile on my face when he put his gun away.

Score: 8

Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when they tumble down the stairs.

Score: 5

What's the same about x girlfriends and slinkies? They're no fun whatsoever, but when you push them down the stairs it gives you a little smile.

Score: 1

Why do people smile in Africa? So they won't run into each other in the dark.

Score: 5