Hilarious Sports Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Sports Jokes

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water". Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

Score: 378

Why are Canadians so good at sports? They always bring their eh game

Score: 301

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire. it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

Score: 237

Score: 138

What's the Al-Qaeda's favourite sports team? The New York Jets ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Score: 108

They're giving away Marshawn Lynch jerseys at my local sports shop. But I think I'll pass

Score: 96

EA Sports™ - It's in the game. jk its in the dlc

Score: 70

The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

Score: 63

I suck at sports events It's a good way to make a quick buck.

Score: 56

Why doesn't Justin Bieber like Sports Authority? Because he likes Dicks.

Score: 49

I saw an ad for a prison. Apparently they have the safest gym in the country. There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.

Score: 44

What do you call a man who supports women's sports? A sports brah

Score: 23

Did you hear about the new Jewish Sports Car? It stops on a dime then picks it up.

Score: 19

My boss showed up to work in a brand new sports car “Wow, that is a really amazing car” I said to him

“Thanks” he replied, “If you work hard, strive for excellence, and always put in your hours, I’ll buy another one next year”

Score: 17

It’s a good thing the popular sports drink was invented at Florida instead of Florida State... Because “Gatorade” is a much better name than “Seminole Fluid”.

Score: 16

What does NASCAR stand for? Non Athletic Sports Centered Around Rednecks

Score: 16

Im 45 years old and I just bought my very first sports car. My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis. But what would she know? She’s only 18.

Score: 16

Say what you want about skiing... ..but the sports going downhill, Fast!

Score: 15

What is Donald Trump’s favorite sports team? The Dodgers

Score: 15

Sports injury Last night on ESPN I was watching Women's beach volleyball. About three minutes into the game, there was a really bad wrist injury. The doctor said I should be fine in a few days though.

Score: 14

Why do lesbians shop at sports authority? Because they hate Dicks

Score: 13

You want some dating advice? Here you go. A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

Score: 13

When is the best time to play racquet sports? Ten-ish.

Score: 12

What is Donald Trump and Ted Nugent’s favorite sports team? The Dodgers.

(Low, low hanging fruit. My sincerest apologies.)

Score: 12

If you drop your phone in water you should place it in a bowl of rice. Asian people are attracted to the rice and are very good at repairing electronic devices.

NB. Thanks for being good sports Asian people!

Score: 11

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race. When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

Score: 10

19th century monarchy humor, anyone? So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"

Score: 10

What did Matt Damon do when he went looking for a used sports coat? He went Goodwill Hunting

Score: 10

Why doesn’t cinderella play sports? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach, and runs away from the ball.

Score: 10

My boss was totally honest with me today... He pulled up to work this morning in his sweet new sports car and when he saw me admiring it he said "Well, if you work really hard, set big goals and hit them, I can get an even nicer one next year!"

Score: 9

Why do lesbians shop at sports authority? Because the don't like dicks.

Score: 9

Did you hear about the new Israeli sports car? It turns on a dime then goes back and picks it up.

Score: 8

Sports commentators are the least gullible people in the world They never seem to believe anything that happens.

Score: 8

Why do all the lesbians shop at The Sports Authority? Because they don't like Dicks.

Score: 6

What do you call a retired Marine in a Chevy sports car? A Corps vet in a Corvette.

Score: 6

Did you hear about Nursing Home Sports League Everyone gets atrophy at the end of the season.

Score: 5

Why do Europeans never win the most gold in water sports? All their best divers are playing football.

Score: 5

How do you make sports more manly? Add a second ball.

Score: 5

What is Osama Bin Laden's favorite sports team? The New York Jets

Score: 4

I found an origami sports channel.. ..but it's paper view only

Score: 4

New Sports Jokes

I'm not really a sports person Can anyone explain why so many NFL players are also pro bowlers?

Score: 2

What is Osama bin ladens favourite sports team? The new york jets

Score: 3

Caronavirus has done what many women have tried to do Cancel all sports, shut down the bars, and get men to stay at home.

Score: 0

In observance of Lent this year, I am giving up spectator sports, concerts or any large gatherings... And for all my future Lents, I am giving up on retirement.

Score: 0

My friends told me I was absolutely terrible at sports... Yet I can out race Dale Earnhardt, out ball Kobe Bryant, catch better than Aaron Hernandez, and pitch better than King Felix.

Score: 0

I always presume that sports fans are sane and rational people, that is until they go streaking across the field Then I see their nuts

Score: 4

What is Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team? The NY Jets.

Score: 3

The first question in my english exam was what sports is the most popular in America "School shooting" sadly didn't count.

Score: 1

What’s up with names referring to America in sports? Like the Yankees? Patriots? Don’t even get me started with the Olympic Basketball team.

Score: 1

I love sports. Some of my favorites are skateboarding, snowboarding, surfboarding, ... ... and waterboarding.

Score: 2

What was George Bush’s favorite sports team? The New York Jets

Score: 3

Person A: hey, does your dad like sports? Person b: no, my dad hates sports
Dad: hey sport

Score: 2

Where do the people of Cloud City get their sports? B.E.S.P.N.

Score: 3

What do you call a sports competition for the crippled? The O*limp*ics

Score: 1

Sports: Running needs more medal events. IAAF will now copy the format of swimming events.
Just think of 400m medley. The running equivalent will be:
-jumping with feet together
-running backwards
-jumping with feet apart
-free running

Score: 1

What is a terrorist's favorite sports car? Porsche 9/11

Score: 2

Considering the names of other similar sports... somebody really dropped the ball when naming rugby.

Score: 3

Sports which involve throwing things. Discus.

Score: 3

At a medical check up Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

Score: 3

If a 12 year old in Africa steals a sports car do they call it a joy ride? Grand theft? Or a midlife crisis?

Score: 2

As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities Their first project will be Drag Racing

Score: 4

So I heard Chris Christie is delving into sports radio... It would give all those people stuck on the bridge something to listen to.

Score: 2

Abreva The official sponsor of the Lombardi Trophy procession... and all other major sports trophies.

Score: 2

How do you make a sports science major cry? Remind them that high school is over.

Score: 3

I graduated with a 2:2 in Sports Journalism It would have been a 2:1 but they equalised at the last minute.

Score: 2

Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at Sports Authority? Cuz he likes Dicks.

Score: 3