Hilarious Spy Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Spy Jokes

Score: 855

Who is both a knight and a spy? Sir Veillance

Score: 618

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 389

Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you? Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.

Score: 300

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar And that was just the first guy

Score: 187

My neighbor thinks I spy on her.. I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now

Score: 149

A Russian spy, a Klansman, and televangelist walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry. Republican Convention is next door."

Score: 105

Zuckerberg during his visit at a school Kid: My dad says you spy on us.

Zuckerberg: He's not your dad.

Score: 62

A spy, an adulterer, and a guy who launders money for the Russian mob walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 60

What's Canada's spy agency? The CI, eh?

Score: 58

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student? An essay.

Score: 53

Why did the spy cross the road? Because he never really was on your side.

Score: 53

Girl: What do you like to do in your free time? Guy: I spy on people.

Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends.

Guy: I know.

Score: 42

Trump was cleaning his gun in Trump Tower... Kellyanne Conway walks in and asks,

Kellyanne: "Why do you have a gun?"

Trump: "Obama Spy Drones"

Kellyanne: \*laughs\*

Trump: \*laughs\*

Microwave: \*laughs\*

Trump shoots the Microwave.

Score: 33

What do you call a Swedish spy film? The Bjorn Identity.

Score: 30

What does a spy do when they go to bed? They go under cover

Score: 29

A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".

Score: 24

Have you heard of the piano-playing spy? Neither have I. He's very low-key.

Score: 22

A Russian spy enters the White House in search of intelligence. He had to return home empty handed.

Score: 21

When Trump is outed as a Russian spy... Can we call him Agent Orange?

Score: 21

A rapist, a businessman and a Russian spy walk into a bar The bartender says: "what may I get for you Mr. President?

Score: 20

What do you call a flower that is also a spy? A plant

Score: 20

What do you call a black spy? Incognegro

Score: 19

What do you call a Siamese spy? A double agent.

Score: 19

Why did the spy cross the border? Because he never really was on your side.

Score: 15

My other grandfather was a peeping tom he use to drill holes in the floor and spy on the people in the apartment below. He died recently but I kind of like thinking about him up there somewhere.....looking down on us.

Score: 15

Why did the spy cross the road? He was never on your side.

Score: 15

Q is showing James Bond a new super high tech spy earpiece and Bond says, "why don't I just wear an airPod? Everyone has them hanging out their ears nowadays. I won't draw any suspicion." Q responds, "we researched them. Ours are less expensive."

Score: 15

What do you call a secret agent running for the bus? A Russian spy.

Score: 13

What do you call a spy that sell apples? An in cider

Score: 11

Why did the spy get out of bed? Because he was undercovers

Score: 7

A friend of mine was given a new iwatch but he was suspicious someone was using it to spy on him. Ever cautious he told me he likes to keep it at arms length.

Score: 7

From my 10 y/o cousin: Why did the chicken double-cross the road? To get to the other spy...in the CIA. Chicken Intelligence Agency.

Score: 7

Why would Italians make a faithful spy? Because they won't utter a word when their hands are tied.

Score: 7

Donald Trump, a Russian spy and corrupt politician walk into a bar.. He quickly turns around and leaves, saying "What was i thinking?? I don't even drink alcohol!"

Score: 5

I didn't believe it when they told me the government had accidentally opened a portal to another dimension while trying to spy on the Russians... But I guess stranger things have happened.

Score: 4

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out last night instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Funny Lass, bit fed up of all the web developers out there though. She said she prefers those who like to live on the edge, maybe perhaps, a spy-der.

Score: 4

What item of clothing is essential for a spy? Sneakers

Score: 4

Its easy to spot an American spy, just ask them how tall they are If they answer in feet you have your answer.

Score: 3

A Russian spy ship was spotted off the U.S coast... But don't worry - they're just keeping an eye on their investment

Score: 3

New Spy Jokes

England's greatest spy goes undercover as a standup comedian but gets heavily drunk before the show. As he fumbles up to the stage the audience starts booing, and he starts: "I'm Bombed. James Bombed."

Score: 2

Why would Bret Stephens make an excellent spy? Because as a bed bug, he is usually under cover.

Score: 2

What do you call a Russian Spy Toy? сматрешка

Score: 1

Have you heard about the international toilet spy? By night, he's an unassuming American, traveling with only a roll of paper... ...but bidet, he's European.

Score: 2

A spy is in a Russian interrogation room Russian: “Don’t hit his face too hard, we still need to unlock his iPhone!”

Score: 2

What do you call an Italian Spy? An Impasta

Score: 2

A Russian lawyer, an ex spy and the presidents son walk into a bar... ... and talk about adoption.

Score: 1

A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and a money launder walk into a bar. The bartender says: "you guys must be here to talk about adoption."

Score: 2

The Indian Spy training University is very effective Even the food has spice in it..

Score: 2

What do you call a spy in debt? Bond. James' Bond.

Score: 3

Hey did you hear about that spy in gears of war? he was in cog. neato.

Score: 1

what's the difference between putin and a microwave? one is a spy, the other is the president of the russian federation

Score: 1

How do you call a vegetarian spy? A Spynach

Score: 1

What do you call a British spy who's constantly playing games on his phone? Exhaustin' Powers

Score: 1

How can you tell a spy is on your flight? You can't, they're in-de-skies!

Score: 2

Why did the polish spy fail in his mission to blow up Hitlers car. He kept burning his lips on the muffler.

Score: 1