Hilarious Stars Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Stars Jokes

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Edit: Sorry.

Score: 35246

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die "Usually an overdose", I said

Score: 13622

Build the wall Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 2829

"Daddy, how do stars die?" "Drugs, normally."

Score: 2328

Score: 1868

Orion's Belt is a waist of space. Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

Score: 1212

My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?” Being the intellectual I am I replied “Usually through an overdose”

Score: 1006

"Orion's belt is a terrible waist of space". Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.

Score: 944

Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space! Terrible joke.

Only three stars.

Score: 752

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common... I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.

Score: 722

"Hey, can you help me sharpen these throwing stars?" "Shuriken"

Score: 557

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space. Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.

Score: 498

"Orion's Belt is a big waist of space " Terrible jokes. Only 3 stars

Score: 470

"Dad, how do stars die?" – “Usually an overdose.”

Score: 350

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 301

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself… Where the f*ck is my roof?

Score: 241

Can the ninja throw his ninja stars? Shurikan

Score: 187

The heaviest things in the universe 3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

Score: 165

Love Girl: what do you think of our love

Me: count the stars

Girl: awww.... its infinite

Me: no, its a waste of time.

Score: 138

I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have. He said, "shuriken."

Score: 134

"Orion's Belt is a big waist of space." Terrible joke. Only three stars.

Score: 91

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein? One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

Score: 86

I told my girlfriend she has eyes like stars... Very dim and far apart.

Score: 81

Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder what happened to my roof

Score: 80

I went to a restaurant on the summit of Mt. Everest. I give it 3 stars. Food was good, not much atmosphere though.

Score: 72

Orion's belt is the biggest waist of space. Terrible joke. Only 3 stars

Score: 71

I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5 It was a pi rated DVD

Score: 57

Today my daughter asked me, "Dad, how do stars die?" I replied , "Usually an overdose."

Score: 57

Orions Belt is a big waist of space. Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.

*Courtesy of my wife.

Score: 54

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. Where the HECK is my roof?!

Score: 53

What's the difference between Prince and a White Dwarf? Nothing, they're both dead stars.

Score: 29

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating. It was a constellation prize

Score: 18

If the cops were asked to rate a GTA game... They'd give it 5 stars.

Score: 18

Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating? 1.1 million stars

Score: 17

Why did Kevin Spacey go to space? To molest young stars.

Score: 17

Call me racist if you want but south of the border is a sea full of violence, incompetence and present uncertainty. Wouldn't touch it with a pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Scotland.

Score: 13

One day I was lying in bed staring up at the stars when i thought to myself... My roof has gone.

Score: 12

I just got my best score on Sitar Hero 3! I got five stars on "Curry On My Wayward Son"

Score: 10

Can I press indecent exposure charges against stars? Because today the sun mooned me.

Score: 10

The following is a tourist's review of Tatooine: "I was way too hot, two stars."

Score: 9

New Stars Jokes

My little daughter loves astronomy and asks me “how do the stars die”? I replied, "they usually overdose."

Score: 2

I was talking to my son about astronomy Son-“how do stars die?”
Me-“well they normally overdoes”

Score: 5

Out of the nearest stars to the Sun, I wouldn't wanna go to the Alpha Centauri system. After all, it only has 3 stars.

Score: 1

Why are movie stars always do cool? They have many fans!

Score: 2

My son (who is into astrology) asked me “How do stars die?” Being the intellectual I am, I replied “Usually through an overdose”

Score: 2

What hotel has the highest rating? Auschwitz, it has 1 million stars

Score: 1

I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on. You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.

Score: 1

What type of AIDS do Rock Stars get? BAND AIDS!

Score: 1

I had a really chatty Uber driver today... He kept saying stuff like, "Who are you and why are you in my car?" and "Please get out or I'll call the cops."

5 stars.

Score: 6

What do rock stars do when their clothes catch fire? They stop, rock and roll

Score: 1

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space. Average Joke, Only three stars

Score: 5

Why are some Americans boycotting the Netflix show 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events'? Because it stars Kneel Patrick Harris.

Score: 1

How come there was no damage the night the stars fell on Alabama? Because the state was moved aside. Haven't you heard of Mobile Alabama?

The people responsible for that feat of engineering later brought us Wheeling West Virginia.

Score: 2

I just had Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren beat me up. It was terrible. Now I'm seeing stars.

Score: 1

Not that big Sometimes I think about how big my love problems are, then I look up at the night sky at all those billions of stars and I say to the universe "you aren't that big".

Score: 1

How much do you Love me? A girl asks a boy: "Phil, how much do you love me?"

The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

Boy nods, "Exactly!"

Score: 2

I just got my best score on the new Indian video game "Sitar Hero 3"!!! I got five stars on "Curry on My Wayward Son"

Score: 8

Note to self: Never make my password a bunch of little stars. That would be too much of an asterisk.

Score: 6

And now, two guys bonding over their star sign as well as a short summary of The Fault in out Stars "Cancer?"

"Cancer."

Score: 7

A girl asks a boy.......... A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"

The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

Boy nods, "Exactly!"

Score: 8

Do you like stars? On Trivago you find Hotels with 5.

^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^Sorry.

Score: 2

I talked to a guy named Youssef today from customer service I rated him 5 stars for being yousseful

Score: 2

2016 ends with Maria Carey performance bomb... Thanks ABC for ending the year with more proof that stars do fade....and still milk it.

Score: 2

I think OJ Simpson should be on Dancing with the Stars... I have a funny feeling he really knows how to cut a rug.

Score: 3

When I was a kid, my grandfather told me his teeth are like the stars... ...they come out at night.

Score: 7

So a lady was waiting at the doctor's... The doctor is obsessed with the stars, and is a junior astrologist, so, naturally, he asks the woman what her Zodiac symbol is. She responds; "Cancer, why?". "What a coincidence..." Said the Doctor.

Score: 6

When I look up at the majesty of all them stars it really gets me to thinkin, when we gonna get that ding dong roof patched up!?

Ah horse apples!

Score: 3

What did the two stars of Good Burger name their vegan cooking show? Quinoa and Kale!

Score: 2