Hilarious Street Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Street Jokes

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB That was a trip down memory lane

Score: 15948

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!” Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

Score: 11756

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

Score: 10089

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common? White people looking both ways before they start

Score: 8908

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield? She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Score: 6474

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

Score: 2913

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’ So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

Score: 2641

Was walking down the street yesterday, seen an ad in the shop window. "T.V FOR SALE, €1, VOLUME STUCK ON FULL" I said, can't turn that down.

Score: 2293

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common? White people look both ways before they start...

Score: 1483

I'm not racist but.. I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"

Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes

Score: 1461

How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto In a bucket

Score: 1230

A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"... A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

Score: 1168

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives. A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

Score: 914

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked. The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

Score: 847

A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin... I said "That's the last thing I need"

Score: 727

I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.

Score: 656

I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf. I don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

Score: 490

I saw this cute homeless girl on the street.. ..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said "sure", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box...

Score: 452

I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".

But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.

Score: 422

The other day I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street. I shouted to him ,"Hey Denzel!" He responded, "Does every black man look like Denzel Washington to you?"

Classic Denzel.

Score: 366

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character? Oscar

im so sorry

Score: 365

Two nuns went on a bike ride... ...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!"

Score: 330

Why did the sperm cross the street? I wore the wrong sock this morning.

Score: 319

I saw a raggedy little boy on the street and asked him if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Score: 307

Score: 299

Two mind-readers bump into each other on the street... The first one says to the second one: "You're fine, how am I?"

Score: 215

I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalk For keeping me off the street.

Score: 214

Two nuns are riding down a street on bikes One says to the other "I've never come this way before."
The other smiles and says "neither have I. Must be the cobblestones."

Score: 200

What's the difference between Leonardo Dicaprio and Sesame Street? Sesame Street has an Oscar.

Score: 195

Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job. One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"

Score: 162

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

Score: 143

Some kids called me fatty as I walked down the street today. I just turned the other chin.

Score: 139

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said.... ....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

Score: 131

Your mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"

Score: 116

A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway. That's the word on the street at least.

Score: 103

A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street."

Score: 98

Just walked down a street where the house numbers were 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K & 1MB. Well, that was a trip down memory lane.

Score: 83

I saw a black man running.. I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.

Score: 69

I saw a poor man fall over today on the street. At least I presume he was poor - he only had $5 in his wallet.

Score: 67

Hey girl, are you a parking ticket? Because I picked you up on the street, and now I can't afford to pay you.

Score: 67

New Street Jokes

Van Gogh is walking down the street. A homeless man walks up to him and says,” Do you have a euro to spare ? Please I could really use it.”Van Gogh looks through his pocket and says,” I got one right ‘ere.”

Score: 7

Two potatoes are standing on the street. How do you know which one is a prostitute? one of them has a sticker that says idaho

Score: 11

I need help: every time I approach a cute girl on the street, I uncontrollably start to cry. Does anyone know how to cope with pepper spray?

Score: 11

Yesterday I heard a woman shouting on the street toward her boyfriend "All men are dogs" An old man popped his head out of the window and replied,

##"Who told you to try them all??"

Score: 22

Today I gave a man on the street everything in my wallet, my food, my cigarettes and even the shoes on my feet It was the best feeling in the world seeing him put the gun away and walk off.

Score: 8

I was walking down the street the other day and I saw 4 guys ganging up on a little kid I walked right on past because I figured reposting would be a bigger crime than helping beat the kid up.

Score: 7

Did you hear about that old guy down the street? Apparently he likes his women how he likes his wine. 12 years old and in his basement

Score: 12

I saw a girl on the street that looked really depressed So I pressed her

Score: 6

I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Score: 12

Jim and bob walking down the street Bob falls down a dark hole.

Jim: hey bob is it dark down there??

Bob : I don't know , I can't see

Score: 9

What's the difference between parking in a designated area and parking on the street? A lot.

Score: 18

A turkey and his friend are walking down a street... When a ghost pops out and screams "Boo!". The friend screams in terror while the turkey has no reaction. A while later, the friend asked why the Turkey wasn't afraid. He responded "I'm not chicken".

Score: 6

Saw my ex-girlfriend across the street today and she didn't even look at me. Truth is, i've changed a lot since kindergarten.

Score: 7

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘Alright, but we won’t get much done.'

Score: 15

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Score: 6

What's the best vitamin for friendship? B1

Shout out to the random guy on the street that told me this joke!

Score: 11

Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream? He forgot to look both ways before crossing the street

Score: 11

I try to avoid the homeless horse down the street I hear he's unstabled

Score: 22

2 nuns cycle down a cobbled street. One let's out a cry and says "I've never come this way before." The other one says, "you wouldn't normally but there's a diversion around some road works."

Score: 8

I convinced a bunch of people to blow themselves up on the street. Don't believe me? Come c4 yourself.

Score: 25

I realized I was getting older when I saw a young lady walking down the street and thought to myself. I wonder what HER mom looks like....

Score: 11

A man is standing on a tall ledge. A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"

Score: 43

A magician was driving down a street... ...and suddenly, he turned into a driveway!

Score: 6

A woman asks her husband: Woman: Honey, what if someone on the street tried to hit on me and said: "Hey beautiful."?

Husband: Help him cross the road! He must be blind!

Score: 13

Driving home earlier I saw a young couple weaving all over the street. I told them 'Go get a loom'

Score: 7

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy... But won't cross the street to vote.

Score: 21

A man wanted to go to the hospital. He asked his mother for directions. She said just close your eyes and cross the street, they will come and get you themselves.

Score: 32

A man was walking down the street with a long pipe on his shoulder when somebody came up to him and said 'Excuse me, are you a Pole Vaulter?' He replied, 'No I'm German, but how did you know my name?'.

Score: 9

A man walks down the street with a large pole on his shoulder A person across the street asks:
"Are you a pole vaulter"
(With a strong German accent): "No, I'm a German but how did you know my name is Walter?"

Score: 13

I saw a black guy riding a bike down the street I thought it was mine, so I checked my garage and it was still chained up, begging for food.

Score: 14

Every time I see a street sign that says "Watch for Children" I can't help but wonder if that's a fair trade.

Score: 50

A woman was killed after walking in front of a street paver. It was her own dumb asphalt.

Score: 24

A magician was driving down the street... then he turned into a driveway.

Score: 6

Why didn't the pc gamer cross the street ? Because he's morbidly obese

Score: 18

When I was a kid - My mum used to send me to the corner shop of our street with a ten-bob note, and for that I'd bring back 6 eggs, 2 bottles of milk, a loaf of bread, 5lb of potatoes and a packet of sweets for me. Trouble is, you can't do that today.....

Too many cameras.

Score: 22

A gruff looking guy approached me on the street saying he can draw my portrait for $2 It sounds sketchy

Score: 61

Good trade Man was walking down the street with a case of beer. His friend Sam stops him and asks "what did ya get the beer for?"

I got it for my wife answers the man

Oh exclaims Sam "Good trade"

Score: 10

In Germany we have the best street: The Autobahn No speed limit there.

And we have the best club: Berghain.

Also no speed limit there.

Score: 7

I tried to help an old lady across the street. She told me she had a boyfriend.

Score: 8

3 guys walk into a car No not a bar. A car. They were looking at their phones while crossing the street

Score: 13

I was walking around a shady street late at night, and someone pulled a pair of scissors out at me. Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.

Score: 5

Was driving down the street when I saw someone getting jumped by 3 guys. I quickly pulled over and ran towards the scene. I got there and the 4 of us messed him up good.

Source: 75 year old Mexican father-in-law

Score: 5

What happens if you mix sesame street and Star Wars? Cookie Wookies.
X-post /r/showerthoughts

Score: 7

Two blondes were walking down the street. "What's in your bag?" One asked the other.

"Ducks," came the reply.

"If I can guess how many ducks you've got, can I have one?" Asked the first blonde.

"If you can guess how many ducks I have in my bag, you can have both of them!"

Score: 5

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Score: 12

A guy shoots a random man on the street. Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Guy: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Score: 21

I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.

Score: 44

A magician was walking down the street then he turned into a grocery store.

Score: 5

Sesame Street never allowed Mrs. Piggy to count to 100. Everytime she made it to 69, she got a frog in her throat.

Score: 60

I saw a black man running down the street with a TV I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.

Score: 49

A black man is walking down the street... I saw a black man walking down the street, carrying a TV with him.

"That's funny" I thought, "I could've sworn that was mine!"

But then I remembered, it *couldn't* be mine, because mine was at home,

Shining my shoes.

Score: 14

I was walking down the street in New York yesterday, when a black guy asked me if the Yankees won... I replied, "Yeah man, you're free."

Score: 11

So a policeman see's two kids in a street corner One's drinking battery acid while the other is eating fireworks

So the policeman charged one and let one off

Score: 13

Google just called, they want to put a camera on your mom... ... they heard she makes it around the block faster than their street view cars.

Score: 10

An Irish mobster approached a man on the street... He demanded "what are you, protestant or catholic?"

The man said "i'm atheist actually"

The mobster thought for a second and said "protestant atheist or catholic atheist?"

Score: 5

Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

Score: 10

Driving Down The Street I was driving down the street when i saw a black man with a tv, i thought to myself hmm that looks just like mine but when i got home mine was still there washing my car like i told him to.

Score: 5

20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by; "Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"

Score: 8

Some guy on the street waved hi to me... Then he walked up and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
"I am." I said.

Score: 8

Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital... Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital. In gratitude, the hospital named their emergency ward after her-- it's now the Picabo ICU.

Score: 7