Hilarious Thank You Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Thank You Jokes

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

Edit: Holy moly! Wake up to a shiny gold. Thank you kind stranger.

R.I.P inbox.

Score: 25791

Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Obviously not.

Edit: Wow guys! I did not expect to get over 200 upvotes on this common repost! Thank you kind strangers!

Score: 19437

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

Score: 17577

My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Edit: Thank you, children. It would appear I've peaked as a father.
My actual son will be devastated.

Score: 14722

At a funeral Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears throat* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

Score: 11619

The doctor said my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again. I can’t tell you how upset I am.

Edit: Thank you for the gold, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Score: 9266

Score: 7017

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

Score: 2681

When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!

Edit: wow, this is my highest rated post. Finally broke the 1000 karma barrier thank you all

Score: 1842

I'm not passive aggressive Unlike *some* people
Edit: thank you kindly for all the upvotes!

Score: 1410

I gave my friend an elephant for his room. He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it."

Score: 1367

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all i need Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business

Score: 1337

What's the difference between a pickpocket and peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches

EDIT:
my first gold! Thank you kind stranger. I do like gold even though it gives me a gilt complex

Score: 1227

"Thank you for calling the NSA..." "The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"

Score: 1221

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I could ever repay you

Score: 1221

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person I was also fired from my job as a bus driver..

Edit: Thank you for the gold u/H4hack !

Score: 514

Thank you banks Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.

I don't know if I can ever repay you.

Score: 288

I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"... ...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

Score: 218

If I go through the trouble of making you breakfast in bed, all I ask for is a simple thank you. Not all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.

Score: 203

Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college! Seriously, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you

Score: 146

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" would be nice... ...None of that "How did you get into my house?" business.

Score: 138

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man. WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

Score: 135

I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

Score: 133

Thank you for calling the constipation hotline... Please hold.

Score: 115

Judge going through the file of an accused Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time

Score: 104

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles Ramen.

Score: 101

Thank you student loans for getting me through college I don't think I can ever repay you.

Score: 80

I resent the idea that the Irish are all violent drunks. We’re perfectly capable of violence when sober, thank you very much.

Score: 56

Thank you student loans, for helping me get through college. I am forever in your debt.

Score: 51

"Sir, I'm gonna' let you off with a warning..." "THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"

"April Fools....sign here."

Score: 47

A Russian doctor is treating his patient. *"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*

*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"*

Score: 44

When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"? ...instead of all this "how did you get in to my house?" calling 9-11 business.

Score: 42

Thank you to my first grade teacher for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

Score: 39

If I make you breakfast in bed all I want is a simple “thank you” None of this “how’d you get in my house business”

*Not an original joke but I love it and wanted to share*

Score: 31

A blonde drops her dress off at the dry cleaners. "Thank you" said the assistant "come again" "No" said the blonde "it's toothpaste this time"

Score: 30

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I can ever pay you back.

Score: 29

Right after the Baby was born, the Midwife asked me: "Do you have a name yet?"
I said "Yes, it's Eli"
She said "Aww... That's a lovely name!"
"Thank you!" I said "-But what do you think we should call the baby?"

Score: 28

When I make Breakfast all I want is a "Thank You", Not "Who are you and how did you get into my house‽"

Score: 26

Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick’s Day joke.... What’s Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O’Furniture

That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick’s Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...

Score: 23

Thank you Alexa Burglar: *points gun at me* Alright buddy just show me your valuables and nobody gets hurt

Me: Haha sure thing dude - ALEXA CALL THE POLICE

Alexa: “Shuffling songs by The Police”

*Roxanne plays as I get shot 16 times*

Score: 22

New Thank You Jokes

I can't thank you enough for telling me Yoda's last name! Yoda Man!

Score: 2

There’s a married couple, Nancy and Dave, at a dinner party talking to a friend about their pregnancy Friend: You look great, you’re glowing!
Nancy: Thank you! I really put the Nancy in pregnancy
Dave: And I really put the pregnancy in Nancy!

Score: 5

If I bring you breakfast to bed, say thank you ... ... not: "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?!?"

Score: 19

I don’t understand why all the cashiers at my Costco are so violent Whenever I’m checking out they always ask “Do you wanna box for that sir”

No. I don’t want to fight you for my groceries, thank you.

Score: 21

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “thank you” will suffice. None of this “how did you get in my house” business. So rude.

Score: 17

I ordered a coffee and it tasted awful. I called the waiter over and said "This coffee tastes like mud!" They replied: Thank you sir, it's fresh ground! "

Score: 12

Black hole goes into a bar and orders a drink. Barman: "Would you like something to eat with that Sir?"

Black hole: "No thank you, I'm a light eater."

Score: 19

Private, I did not see you in camouflage training today! Thank you, Sir!

Score: 9

Women can be so ungrateful sometimes. I made her breakfast in bed and instead of saying, “Thank you”, she was all like… “How did you get in my house?!”

Score: 12

“How are your parents?” shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied:” They’re very well, thank you. Isn’t the weather nice for this time of year?” It was civil war.

Score: 16

Thank you for explaining to me the meaning of redundant. No really, thank you for explaining the meaning of the word redundant.

Score: 18

A general was traning the soldiers... General:Soldier i dind't see you at the camouflage traning
Soldier:Thank you General!

Score: 3

Why don't rich WASPy women participate in orgies? Too many thank you notes to write.

Score: 2

Dear Sir, Thank you very much for the lovely picture of your wife. However, the title of our competition is "Fact Hunt".

Score: 6

Posted a BYU/Utah joke yesterday. Here's another Did you hear about University of Utah's honor code?

Yes, your honor. No, your honor. Thank you, your honor.

Score: 3

What did the Indian bride say to her husband during their wedding night? thank you, come again.

Score: 2

What did one doctor say to the other doctor? Thank you for your patients.

Score: 2

In the Army Sergeant: "Private Ryan, I didn't see you at camouflage training yesterday!
Private: "Thank you, sergeant.

Score: 11

What do you call a reptile with a belly button and a good sense of direction? A navelgator

Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week!

Score: 4

Thank you and Sorry are the two most polite phrases. Apparently, "No, thank you, I don't need your advice" and "Sorry, I don't want to help you" don't cut it.

Score: 3

What do you call an overconfident rooster? **Cocky**

Thank you I will unfortunately be here all week.

Score: 4

Breakfest in Bed When I make someone breakfest in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I ask for, none of this "How'd you get in my house" business.

Score: 4

“Thank you for calling the NSA…” “The only government organization that actually listens to you.”

Score: 19

If your in Canada and need the Canadian Police Just have an argument without saying "Please", "Thank you", or "Sorry".

Sorry.

Score: 3

I have now survived 21,364 days and 13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale. Thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.

Score: 3

Just want to thank you for explaining the word 'many' to me. It means a lot.

Score: 15

"Mr. Sessions, thank you for agreeing to testify before us today. Could you please tell us, what did you discuss with the Russian ambassador?" "Our grandchildren."

Score: 3

What does the hooker say after you pay her? Thank you, it's a business doing pleasure with you.

Score: 14

Boy with a curly arm found a lamp Genie: thank you for releasing me from lamp, I shall grant you one wish.
Boy: oh great! I wish for me arm to look like my other arm!
Yoooooink... now his arm looks like his other arm

Score: 2

Why was Paschal Clarke banned from eBay? Because he made the pa(y)pal cross.

I created this joke ten years ago and have. And now have only found a big enough platform to air it.

Thank you.

Score: 3

Thank you for explaining the definition of the word "much" It means a lot

Score: 4

It bought my friend an elephant for his room since it was his birthday... He just said "thank you." I was like, "Don't mention it."

Score: 8

When I make people Breakfast in Beds, I just want to hear thank you... Not, "How did you get in my house?!'

Score: 1

What's the time difference..? A blonde called a telephone operator.

Blonde: “Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?”

Operator: “Just a minute…”

Blonde : “Thank you” *puts down the phone*

Score: 14

Thank you so much student loans! I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

Score: 5

A blonde calls airport. "How long does it take to fly to London?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the blonde and hangs up.

Score: 1

A message from Comcast... Thank you United Airlines!

Score: 3

In Russia nobody ever says "thank you" Because there, they speak russian.

Score: 8

Whyndid hitler never ever say thank you to anyone? Cause he spoke German.

Score: 0

Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline What would you like to report, Peter?

Score: 17

I asked my idiot friend what "mercy" meant. He said it was French for Thank you.

Score: 3

Could you stop posting feminist jokes? I get enough laughs when they open their mouth.

Thank you.

Score: 4

Need a joke for valentines card Valentines is tomorrow and i just wondering anyone could tell me a jokes so i can write on it to my gf
Thank you!!

Score: 4

I am a legal resident of the United States and I have not paid my taxes for the last 15 years. AMA! Thank you for your time. Ask me anything.

**EDIT:** Just a moment guys, someone is at my door.

Score: 1

What's the difference between Chuck Schumer and Tom Brady Tom Brady is a Patriot and a winner.
(Thank you Dennis Miller)

Score: 2

A German man walks into a bar... and orders a Martini.

The barman asks:

"Dry?"

The German replies:

"No, just one, thank you."

Score: 14

Thank you for telling the definition of "many" to me. It means a lot.

Score: 5

Thank you for calling ELVIS Direct Press 1 for the money
2 for the show

Score: 8

Welcome to the first annual hunger games America. Thank you to all the married cousins that voted for president snow.

Score: 6

Dear Canada, as a thank you for sending us Justin Bieber We are sending you Miley Cyrus, Whoopie Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell

Score: 1

How many astronauts have probed Uranus? Zero... there's too much gas.

THANK YOU ALL AND GOODNIGHT!

Score: 3

Thank you for telling me the definition of "many". It means alot.

Score: 13

Thank you for explaining that Geico ad to me It means a great deal

Score: 17

Bought an elephant for my friends So I bought my friends an elephant for their room.

They said "Thank you."

I said "Don't mention it."

Score: 17

Would you like a havarti sandwich? No thank you, havarti got a sandwich!

*rim shot*

Score: 1

A panda walks into a bar He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."

"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"

"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.

Score: 20

A cromulent knock knock joke Knock Knock.

Who's there?

App.

App who?

"Thank you, come again!"

Score: 2

PSA: This year, lets refrain from the 'I haven't taken a shower since last year!' jokes. Please and thank you.

Score: 17

When I make you breakfast in bed, the least you can say is thank you. I mean what's with all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense?

Score: 3

A man saves up enough money to take his kids to Disneyland... ...when he goes to tell them about it, his son says "Thank you so much, daddy! When are we going?"

"Well, whenever we save up enough to come back."

Score: 18