Hilarious Uber Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Uber Jokes

Score: 2095

I was in a Uber today and the driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss.
Nobody tells me what to do…"

Then I said "turn left"

Score: 809

My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men." Dad, you're using Uber.

Score: 499

Why can't PC gamers use Uber? Too many incompatible drivers.

Score: 187

What do you call a drunk women? An uber so she can get home safe

Score: 182

Riding with Uber earlier.. The driver said,

"I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."

Then I said, "Turn Left.

Score: 155

Nothing better than shutting the door and jerking off after a long day And it's even better if the uber has heated seats

Score: 132

Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they don't even lyft.

Score: 74

Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic. Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.

Score: 65

Did you know that taxis in Germany can only pick up customers on special side streets? They're called Deutschland Uber alleys.

Score: 41

What do you call a drunk person trying to unlock their car? An uber please.

Score: 37

Why is Uber so weak? Because they don't even Lyft.

Score: 31

What is the most effective pickup line? Hello, this is your Uber driver.

Score: 20

I often ask myself questions, such as "Where did we come from?", "Why am I here?", "Where am I going?" "Am I a terrible Uber driver?"

Score: 17

me: Can I play some music? **uber driver:** Yeah, sure.

**me *[pulling out my tuba]*:** Do u like veggie tales?

Score: 16

Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they aren't trying to Lyft.

Score: 12

My Uber driver's name was Bienvenido When he was dropping me off I said " Thank you!" and he said "you're welcome" and I said "No, you're welcome."

Score: 12

Why would a tree make an awful Uber? They can’t decide on a route.

Score: 10

What meme do Uber drivers hate? Do you even Lyft, bro?

Score: 9

Why would you still take a cab instead of Uber? Because I'm not going to ask my Uber driver where to get the best hookers in town .

Score: 9

Did you hear about the Indian who drank too much tea? He drowned in his teepee.

-My Uber Driver

Score: 8

Tinder can learn a lot from Uber... It's much easier to find a ride on Uber

Score: 8

How do you know your Uber driver has another career? Oh don’t worry they’ll tell you.

Score: 7

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much. I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

Score: 7

I had a really chatty Uber driver today... He kept saying stuff like, "Who are you and why are you in my car?" and "Please get out or I'll call the cops."

5 stars.

Score: 6

In germany after the succes of Uber and Ubereats a new app is rising under elderly folk for finding people to help in your household They're calling it Ubermensch

Score: 6

I tried to be an uber driver once. Problem is, customers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.

Score: 6

What do you call a drunk person trying to unlock their car? An Uber.

Score: 6

I want to start up a driving service, similar to Uber, except the drivers are naked... And name it Puber

Score: 5

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa? Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

Score: 5

Why should you be worried if you get Walter White as your Uber driver? Because he’ll be braking bad.

Score: 4

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common? Immigrants

Score: 4

What kind of car do most philosophy majors drive? An uber.

Score: 4

Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.

Score: 3

Did y'all hear about the wine Uber started making? It's kinda like a cab but not quite.

Score: 3

I prefer riding with Uber The other options are too tax-y for me

Score: 2

My idea for a Uber like system for Halloween wasn't very popular. I guess parents don't like the idea of a guy in a van picking up their kids at night.

Score: 2

Confession’s of an Uber driver #1 Overheard....
“You know something Lynda?, ribbed condoms don’t taste a thing like the ribs from Dickey’s”
(2 highly intoxicated 25 something ladies riding last Saturday evening in my uber.)

Score: 2

An Uber and a taxi drive into a bar, The passengers turn to eachother and say,

“Atleast we didn’t take a lyft”

Score: 2

Uber Now that Uber doesn't have a CEO, COO, CFO or CTO, they may finally qualify as a self-driving car company.

Score: 2

New Uber Jokes

What did the shark say to the boat captain? "Uber eats?"

Score: 0

I received a message from Uber before the ride. That was a good pick-up line.

Score: 0

What Animal Planet is to us, Is Uber Eats to Chinese People.

Score: 0

Many people say that ALL apps are secretly tracking more than they should and basically know your location. That’s not true. Uber is one such app that *never* tracks you.

Score: 1

A man orders a Jamaican uber. The man then gets in the car with the Jamaican driver and asks his name.

"You don't need to know my name, you just need to know I'm your man." The Jamaican responds

The man was very confused.

"You don't look very German to me!"

Score: 1

My friend tried to convince me to get run over by a self-driving car to collect insurance money... Uber my dead body

Score: 1

Richard Stallman had a gorgeous date He left as soon as she arrived in her uber

Score: 1

I just hopped in an Uber... The driver explained how much she loved her job. She was her own boss and no one could tell her what she ha...

Siri: *Turn left in half a mile*

Score: 1