Hilarious Underwear Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Underwear Jokes

Score: 7955

I just saw my wife walk around with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It’s laundry day.

Score: 3206

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Score: 2539

My best friend is mad at me, because I sniffed on his sisters underwear.. Don't know if he is mad because she was still wearing it or because her parents where present.

Whatever, it was a strange funeral.

Score: 2280

My friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them... Or because the rest of the family was there... Either way, it made the rest of the funeral really awkward.

Score: 1140

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line... In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Score: 473

The best underwear jokes.... are brief.

Score: 393

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Score: 322

Why don't witches wear underwear? ... to get a better grip

Score: 307

Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear Because it keeps their ankles warm

Score: 301

Have you met the guy with 5 dicks? His underwear fits like a glove.

Score: 284

I got caught sniffing underwear... I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,

What made it worse was she was still wearing them,

Made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Score: 183

There's a man living near me who has 5 Penises. Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.

Score: 120

Did you hear about the man with five penises? His underwear fits like a glove.

Score: 89

Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful Thought of this in traffic yesterday

Score: 88

My mom asked me what i wanted for xmas. I told her some clothes and something small to play with She gave me underwear with a hole cut in the front

Score: 81

Went for a prostate exam I asked the doctor where should I put my pants and underwear, he replied, "over there, next to mine".

Score: 80

Why don't witches wear underwear? So they can get a better grip of the broom.

:)

Score: 67

My next-door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line. I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.

Score: 65

The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, urine, and stool. The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".

Score: 60

I met a guy with five penises His underwear fits him like a glove.

Score: 55

Why dont witches wear underwear? So they can get a good grip on the broomstick

Score: 54

A man walks into a doctor's office... A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, listen, I've been having troubles with my five penises." The doctor responds, "Five penises! That's incredible, how does your underwear fit?". The man says, "Like a glove".

Score: 50

Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their faces.

Score: 47

A short poem about women's underwear... > Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.

~Lee Mack

Score: 41

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear? To hide his booty.

Score: 40

I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today.. On the front they say 'I would do anything for love' and on the back they say 'But I wont do that!'

Score: 38

What's the best way to start an underwear presentation? Start with a brief introduction.

Score: 36

My wife's got Meatloaf underwear. On the front they say, 'I would do anything for love'. On the rear they say, 'But I won't do that'.

Score: 33

What type of underwear does a fetus wear? Fruit of the womb.

Score: 32

A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear The doctor says "that looks nasty", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

Score: 24

A lawyer was confused and hassled with mathematics of a case... ... So he asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."

Score: 23

My doctor asked me for a urine sample and a stool sample. So I gave him my underwear.

Score: 22

A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.

Score: 20

What kind of underwear do witches wear? None. Better grip when flying.

Score: 19

Did you guys hear about the man with 5 penises? His underwear fit him like a glove

Score: 18

I walked into my psychiatrist's office today wearing only Saran wrap underwear… The doctor took one look at me and said, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Score: 17

I got beat up at a black lives matter rally for complaining about my underwear These knickers where just making me so uncomfortable

Score: 16

Why don't witches ever wear underwear? Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...

Score: 15

Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts? Just in case their G-string breaks.

Score: 14

New Underwear Jokes

What do comfortable underwear and European castles have in common? Ballroom

Score: 2

This social distancing has left me feeling so lonely I ended up leaving myself a voicemail where I breathed deeply and asked myself what underwear I was wearing

Score: 0

This quarantine is a lot like the time between Christmas and New Years. I got new underwear, alcohol all over my hands, and my dad still hasn’t come back.

Score: 0

A guy was screaming "Lion's cage for 5$" on a street. Curious people went over to check. He was selling men's underwear.

Score: 0

What type of underwear does the sun wear? *kelvin Clein

Score: 2

Why should men never wear Russian underwear? Chernobyl Fallout

Score: 6

Joke from my science teacher years ago... Q: Why should you never wear Russian nuclear underwear?

A: because Chernob'll Fallout.

Score: 5

Gentlemen, don’t buy Ukrainian underwear! Chernobyl fallout.

Score: 2

Don’t buy Ukrainian underwear! Your Chernobyl fall out

Score: 2

You need to be aware of faulty underwear from the Ukraine. Be careful, otherwise chernobyl fallout.

Score: 4

A woman went to the doctor's with a bit of lettuce sticking out from her underwear... Doctor looks at it and says "that looks odd", woman says "Oh, it's just the tip of the iceberg"

Score: 6

I was buying underwear from a shop earlier this week. The clerk: “what type?”

Me: “satin”

Clerk: “sorry we only sell new ones”

Score: 6

Did I ever tell you about the ti(M)e I ran out of clean underwear? Decided to wear a pair of my wife's. Found out the faster I walked the better they felt, after 20 feet I was at a full run fo the whole day.

Score: 0

A woman walks into the doctors office with a bit of lettuce sticking out of her underwear Doctor: “That looks nasty!”

Woman: “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

Score: 2

What’s an old persons underwear taste like? Depends

Score: 2

People always say that when you're nervous while giving a presentation to picture the audience in their underwear I'll never look at my grandparents the same ever again

Score: 2

A guy frantically runs into a therapist's office wearing nothing but seran wrap underwear. The therapist takes one look at him and says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

Score: 3

Why did the Pirate wear camouflage underwear? To hide his booty

Score: 1

Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled... Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.

Score: 5

Why don't witches wear underwear? So they can grip the broom better.

Score: 3

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask... ...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

Score: 13

The ace fighter pilot Robin olds and super man got into an arm restling competition. The loser had to wear underwear on the outside for the rest of their life.

Score: 0

Old guy goes to the doctor His wife is with him to help due to his bad hearing. The doctor says he'll need a stool, urine, and sperm sample. Not sure what he said the man asks his wife. She replies "The doctor needs your underwear".

Score: 2

What does a midget pope and my oldest underwear have in common? They're both a little holy.

Score: 6

Why does the NYC DoT regulate the packaging of mens underwear? Because they're in charge of man-hole covers!

Score: 2

Wow you smell nice today Jim, what did you put on? Clean underwear

Score: 3

What do you call the president when he is not wearing underwear? The commando in chief.

Score: 14

I went to a lingerie shop to buy some underwear for my girlfriend "Are these satin?" I asked.

"No," said the shopkeeper, "They're new."

Score: 1

A friend of mine got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them, or because the rest of the family was there.
Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Score: 3

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom sticks.

Score: 3

A guy was once born with 5 penises His underwear fits him like a glove.

Score: 12

What kind of underwear does a female snake wear ? A Pythong

Score: 2

What's worse then having uncles in your underwear? Having Ants in your pants

Score: 2

I wonder what innovation will surpass thongs as sexiest female underwear? Maybe nothing?

Score: 1

A guy walks into his psychiatrist's office The guy's wearing only plastic wrap for underwear. The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "I can see your nuts."

Score: 13

Why didn't the witch fall off her broom? She wasn't wearing underwear

Score: 3

I saw two movies this weekend. One was about a crazy person who fought crime in their underwear, and the other was Captain Underpants.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the guy that was strangled to death with his own underwear? Reports say it was a Haines crime.

Score: 5

Why dont chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers on their head!

Score: 2

Perforated underwear Now, that's a tearable idea

Score: 4

Why shouldn't you wear Russian underwear? Chernobyl fallout.

Score: 11

Why should you wear really strong underwear when visiting the Ukraine? If you don't, Chernobyl fallout.

Score: 3

I come home from work early one day, and I saw a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I askedhim, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He said, "you came home early".

Score: 4

What kind of underwear do feminists wear? Depends if there's a man in office.

Score: 3

Why did the man get the windows logo printed onto all his underwear Because he thought it would make them software

Score: 2

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap underwear And the doctor says, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."

(So much subtler as a spoken joke. If you don't get it, consider you're grammar lessons!) ;)

Score: 6

What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear? Boulangerie.

Score: 3

Why shouldn't you wear nuclear underwear? Because Chernobyl Fallout

Score: 1

Where does the pervert keep the underwear he steals? In his briefcase!

Score: 11

How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear? Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

Score: 1

Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their face.

Score: 9

If I don't change my underwear ... (X-post /r/oneliners) I'll extend my streak.

Score: 4