Hilarious Waiter Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Waiter Jokes

My boss: “You’re fired.” Me: *turns in gun and badge*

My boss: “You’re a waiter where did you get those”

Score: 22284

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Score: 19827

He got the order wrong Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?

Score: 11135

Score: 2373

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 1874

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table

Score: 1045

"What makes you qualified to be a waiter" I feel like I bring a lot to the table

Score: 958

Wife: I am having an affair Me:
*handing the menu to the waiter*
-I'll have the affair as well.

Score: 513

A tennis ball walks into a restaurant.... a waiter asks: "Have you been served?"

Score: 450

A man spits out his coffee "This tastes like mud!" he said.
"Well of course. It was just ground this morning" replied the waiter.

Score: 407

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner? Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

Score: 392

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water". Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

Score: 378

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery... He thanked me.

Score: 289

You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"

Score: 272

"Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt..." "It was ground this morning, sir."

Score: 236

Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"

They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"

Score: 232

I wnet to an Indian restaurant and ordered biryani... The waiter said, sorry sir, I don’t know what a birlaurel is.

Score: 210

Guest to the waiter: “Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?” Waiter: “Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.”

Score: 171

The waiter came up to our table. He said, "Can I take your order?"

I said, "Sure."

He said, "Thanks, I'm just really hungry."

Score: 168

A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."

Score: 157

A man orders a pizza A man orders a pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want your pizza cut in six or eight Pieces?" The man replies: "Six, i dont think i can eat eight"

Score: 147

Me: Yeah I'll probably die alone Waiter: No I said will you be dining alone?



Me: Oh

Score: 143

Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud Yes sir, it's fresh ground!

Score: 142

A waiter served me some rare steak But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".

Score: 142

Dad at breakfast: Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!

Score: 141

The waiter says: Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light. A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

Score: 139

I really hate my job as a waiter But it puts food on the table

Score: 124

My boss: "you're fired" Me: *turn in gun and badge*

My boss: "you're a waiter, where did you get those?"

Score: 124

I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food. On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.

Score: 120

Waiter, this coffee taste like mud! Yes sir, it's fresh ground!

Score: 89

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant. A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Score: 64

After my mother’s funeral, we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying. He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

Score: 52

At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food... I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. “How long will my spaghetti be?”

The waiter said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”

Score: 47

A bear walked into a bar... Waiter: What will it be pal?
Bear: Gin.....
....
....
and tonic
Waiter: Why the big pause?
Bear: I don't know. My dad had them too.

Score: 43

*Interviewing for waiter position* I feel like I bring a lot to the table

Score: 38

Two cows walk into a vegan restaurant. The waiter says, "We don't serve your kind here."

Score: 18

If I'm at a restaurant waiting for the waiter... Who's really the waiter?

Score: 14

I ordered a coffee and it tasted awful. I called the waiter over and said "This coffee tastes like mud!" They replied: Thank you sir, it's fresh ground! "

Score: 12

I snapped my fingers to get a waiter's attention. Pretty stupid really, now I need surgery.

Score: 12

Waiter: Would you like something with a lot of crispiness in it? Me: No thanks, Chris.

Score: 11

New Waiter Jokes

Coke. Me : I'd like a pepsi .

Waiter : we have coke

Me. : Okay , I'll take a gram of that and pepsi .

Score: 3

Just went to a BBQ place.. Me: I'll have 6 ribs please

Waiter: We only serve those in quantities of 3, 5, 7, or 13.



Turns out it was prime rib.

Score: 5

These Fancy Restaurants Go All Out They got a waiter for everything. A table waiter to give you your table, a untensil waiter to give you your utensils, a menu waiter to give you your menu, a head waiter.... I'm just saying they are going all out.

Score: 1

A swedish family goes into a resturant and orders food. When they are done with their food, the waiter comes over and asks:

"Are you guys finnish?"

The dad smiles and says:

"No, no we're from sweden"

Score: 2

I played chess with the waiter, however won paid the bill In my final move i said, check mate.

Score: 0

A waiter asks a man sitting at a table “did you finis...” The man interrupts the waiter, “no I’m Danish”

Score: 0

A guy walks into a cheescake factory... The waiter asks him what kind of cheesecake he wishes to purchase.

"It doesn't matter, I am a springform-pansexual".

Score: 0

Man walks in to a restaurant with his family. He goes to speak to the waiter. Man: Hello we have a reservation. Waiter: That's good for the native Americans.

Score: 0

Keira Knightley walks into a cafe 'Good morning, ma'am' says the waiter 'What would you like for breakfast today?'

'Do you serve English crumpets?' she asks

'Of course' says the waiter 'If not, I'd be ignoring you'

Score: 0

After the first bite of my dinner, I called the waiter over and told him,"This food is fit for a king!" "Here King! Here King!"

Score: 0

I got the waiter arrested I bought root beer but it was served in a square cup I quickly called the police

Score: 0

A panda is finishing up his meal at a restaurant. When he is handed the bill, he pulls a deagle and nails the waiter in the stomach. He proceeded to walkout of the restaurant. What did you expect, they eat, shoots and leaves.

Score: 3

Why was the waiter so terrible? Because he couldn’t give a Fork...

Score: 2

Why did the waiter quit his job? He had a lot on his plate

Score: 7

A man was going to a Canadian restaurant He orders his food, and when the waiter comes around he asks “how is your food?”

“It’s meh.” He replies

The waiter looks at him, and says “yeah, and it’ll be June next.”

Score: 1

A manager was telling his Spanish waiter to put the cutlery on the trays. The waiter didn’t understand so the manager, becoming frustrated said “ON THOSE TRAYS” The waiter replied “no no no it’s uno dos tres”

Score: 5

Three Jewish women having lunch in a restaurant... Waiter approaches and asks, "Is anything OK here?"

Score: 6

A man visits a cafeteria and orders coffee without cream... A man visits a cafeteria and orders coffee without cream; the waiter replies: “sorry, but we have run out of cream. Can I bring you coffee without milk?”

Score: 2

Why is waitress a women's job? Because the male version is waiter...

Score: 3

The waiter said, "Your table will be ready shortly.” This is the last time I go to an Ikea's restaurant.

Score: 1

How long will my soup be? I asked the waiter. "Well liquid takes the shape of its container"

Score: 2

I ordered a coffee without cream... And the waiter said "you'll have to take it without milk, we have no cream."

Score: 1

Man walks into an African restaurant and orders the most typical African dish... ...the waiter brings him an empty dish.

Score: 3

A guy at a restaurant pays for his meal after eating. Waiter: sir, you forgot to pay for your steak.
Guy: oops ..... my mis-steak.
Waiter: please leave the restaurant.

Score: 1

A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants." "That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.

Score: 9

Heard this from a waiter at dinner tonight. Hey baby, my name is Olaf...like the snowman. Mind if I melt inside you?

Five star restaurant I am laughing out loud right now hahaj

Score: 1

A blind man walks into a bar... and begins to swing his guide dog around by its leash. A confused waiter runs up to the man and asks what the blind man is doing. The blind man replies, "I'm just taking a look around".

Score: 2

What do a gynecologist and a waiter have in common? They both have to work in the places where others have fun!

Score: 1

Luck "How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant. "Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"

Score: 3

I went to a restaurant and asked the waiter if they had any specials on tonight. He said we've got a downs syndrome kid washing the dishes.

Score: 3

A food critic was a farm-to-table restaurant He flagged down the waiter and asked him how they prepared their chicken.
The waiter replied, "Nothing special. We just tell 'em they're gonna die."

Score: 3

I once went to dinner with Hillary Clinton, but the waiter never came to our table. I guess it was a secret server.

Score: 1

A man goes into a white supremacist diner.. He orders "2 eggs over easy."
The waiter brought out just egg whites.
"Where is the rest of my food?" Asked the patron
The waiter replied "Whites only in my diner! This is no yoke!"

Score: 4

Guy in a restaurant spills some soup in his lap... He says, "Waiter! There's some soup on my fly!"

Score: 4

I went to an Italian restaurant the other day and the waiter was so nosy. He kept asking if I was antipasto or provolone.

Score: 2

What did the Venus fly trap say to the waiter? Excuse me, there's no fly in my soup.

Score: 3

Costumer to the waiter: "A compliment to the chef!" Waiter back at kitchen: "You are beautiful, Harold!"

Score: 1

How does a penguin waiter take orders? Waddle you be having.

Score: 4

A guy walks into an Indian Restaurant. He talks to the waiter. He then walks out. The manager asks the waiter, "why did that man leave?"

The waiter says, "he asked what kind of bread we have and I told him we have Naan.

Score: 3

A man is at a business conference, and he's looking for something to drink that's non-alcoholic. He asks the waiter where the line is for punch. The waiter points at a sign that reads... [Punchline]

Score: 1

My dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 2

What did the waiter do to his enemy to take revenge? He served him right

Score: 9

What does a mohel and a waiter have in common? They both make tips.

Score: 1

Waiter steps up, "Donner, Party of two." "Uh, yeah it's just one now...and uh, I'm not hungry anymore."

Score: 8

a fly and his prayer Atheist: What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can't eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly's prayers were answered.

Score: 1

A waiter asked me, "What's the difference between a canoe and a canuck?" Canoes tip.

Score: 1

A man walks into a restaurant Waiter : Hello, what can I get you today?
Man : I would like some chili please.
Waiter : Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.
Man : I wourd rrike some chirri prease.

Score: 2

When you're waiting in a restraunt for the waiter to deliver your order... ...in that moment, don't you become *the waiter?*

Score: 2

At Restaurant WAITER: Are you done?

ME: No, I'm Dave

WAITER: Are you joking?

ME: \*grabs his shirt\* NO, I TOLD YOU I'M DAVE

Score: 4

I really like European food... ...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Score: 6

A bottle of Heineken walks into a restaurant The waiter said "I'm sorry but we don't serve alcohol."

Score: 1

René Descartes is sitting in a restaraunt when the waiter approaches and asks "Would you like some wine?"

"I think not" said Descartes.

Then he ceases to exist.

Score: 8

What did the chemist say when the waiter asked if they wanted salt? Na

EDIT: NaCl. Thanks /u/Dyesce_ .

Score: 1

I went to restaurant and said I wanted two fork to the waiter but they kicked me out, so I went to another one and said I wanted two fork to the waitress... And that kids, is how I met your mother

Told by a friend.

Score: 1

Manager : So do you think you'd be a good waiter? Me : well, you could say I bring a lot to the table.

Score: 6

A blind man walks into a bar... And a table...and a chair...and the waiter...

Score: 4

What do you get when you take the i out of waiter? A ban from the restaurant

Score: 1

A waiter accidentally slipped and threw curry all over an extremely rude customer... ... It was chicken karma

Score: 3

Seven Jewish mothers are sitting in a restaurant... and a waiter comes and asks: ''I'm sorry ladies, is *anything* all right?''

Score: 2

What does a waiter say to a fat person when it takes a long time to bring out the fat person's food? Sorry about your weight

Score: 3