Waitress Jokes

Not to brag, but I’ve satisfied every waitress that has ever served me. With just the tip.

I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly... She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".

Actual joke dad said this morning waitress: How do you like your eggs?

dad: in a cake

I was at a restaurant.... and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen

I was at a restaurant when I noticed my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered really slowly, because she obviously doesn't listen well.

I waved the waitress over to our table. I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"

She said, "Absolutely."

I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?

a termite walks into a bar And asks the waitress, is the bar tender here?

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye so I ordered reallllyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen.

I was in a bar last night when a waitress screamed... "Does anyone know CPR?"
"I know all the letters of the alphabet" I shouted back.
Everyone laughed.........well except this one guy.

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that's ever served me... With just the tip.

I think my waitress is hungry She keeps asking how my food is.

Why did the girl get the waitress job? You could say she brings a lot to the table....

Was sitting at a bar drinking a margarita when... a waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back "I know the whole alphabet!" And we just laughed and laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

I walk into a bar... ... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

The computer scientist failed when trying to hit on his waitress ERROR: Connection to server not found

I noticed that my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered veeerrryyy slooowwwly, because she obviously doesn't listen.

My dad is 100% Swedish and this was his favorite joke to tell waitresses when we went out to eat. Waitress: Are you all finished?

Dad: No, I'm not Finnish, I'm Swedish.

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant. The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

I went into a restaurant the other day I said to the waitress, "Can I see the menu please?"

She said,"the men I please has nothing to do with you".

I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday... Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."

A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar. Then they open for the day.

i was at a restaurant last night and my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered really slow because obviously she doesn't listen.

I told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud... "It should. It was fresh ground this morning"

I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?” She kicked me out and said “The men I please are none of your business!”

Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today. Customer: Yeech! I'd never eat anything that came from an animal's mouth. Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?

Four Karens are sitting in a restaurant... A waitress comes up to their table and says "Good afternoon ladies, is anything alright?"

Did you hear about the poor waitress who lost her leg in a freak accident? Now she's working at IHOP.

A Restaurent Manager is Interviewing a Potential Employee, and He Asks Why She'd Be a Good Waitress... She responds with this: "Well, I guess you could say I bring a lot to the table."

I went to a Lord of the Rings themed restaurant. The food was horribly authentic and the waitress was as uglier than an Orc, but I have to give her credit. There was a table of 12 and it only took her ... ...one bring to gruel them all.

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night? She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.

My other half and I went to a restaurant. I said to the waitress, "Can I have the lemon grilled salmon?"

"Do you want anything on the side?"

I said, "I can't answer that with my wife sitting next to me."

What do you get when you cross a chef and a waitress? A cold meal

Why is it annoying dating a waitress? They just want the tip.

I was at a crowded bar the other day When a man fell down and stopped breathing.

The waitress yelled out “does anybody know CPR?”

I yelled back “I do! I know the entire alphabet!”

We all laughed and laughed. Well, except for that one guy.

Where does a one legged waitress work at? IHOP

I walked into a restaurant one day and the waitress was a cow... I tipped her.