Hilarious Whiskey Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Whiskey Jokes

I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

Score: 16297

Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

Score: 12648

I was in a liquor store and an employee asked me "Do you need help?" I said "Yes, but I'm going to get whiskey instead"

Score: 3323

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter but he loved her still.

Score: 368

What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky? A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...

A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.

Score: 330

Score: 237

A man drunkenly walks into his wife's room... He loudly proclaims, "I have no idea how I could live without you!"

Flustered, the wife asks, "Is that you talking or the whiskey talking?"

"It's me talking to the whiskey."

Score: 220

to help cope with his loss Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old whiskey she didn't like it

Score: 216

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread. "Are we expecting guests?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

Score: 190

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey. He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

Score: 139

I caught my twelve-year-old son....... looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.

"That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.

"Not on eBay it isn't!" I said.

Score: 98

i went into the bar and ordered a Whiskey Osama... the batender asked "what's that?"

i answered "Two shots and a splash of water."

Score: 90

A bear walks into a bar and says, "give me a whiskey and.... cola." "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear then answered. "I'm not sure, I was born with them."

Score: 80

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and... cola." "Why the big pause?" Asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "Im not sure; I was born with them."

Score: 77

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar.

Score: 76

I like my women like I like my whiskey 15 years old and mixed up in coke.

Score: 73

My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

Score: 73

So a panda walks into a bar... He sits down and orders: I'd like one whiskey.......and a coke please

The bartender brings him his drinks and asks:" Here you go, but why the big pause?"

The panda looks down to his hands and says:" I was born with them"

Score: 67

Guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey-coke. Bartender asks if Pepsi is okay and guy says that's fine.

Bartender turns around to make the drink and when finished presents the drink and says "here's your pepsi-coke."

Score: 63

SEO Expert walks into a bar... An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...

Score: 53

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and...(pause)...... cola." "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them."

Score: 51

What does Batman put in his whiskey? Just ice

Score: 45

Two China men were robbing a distillery. One said to the other “is this whiskey?” The other said “yeah it’s whiskey but it’s safer than wobbing a bank”.

Score: 42

A bear walks into a bar and says "Give me a whiskey...... and a cola" "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugs "I'm not sure, I was born with them."

Score: 37

Two Chinese Guys Break Into a Distillery The one guy looks to his friend and asks: "Is it whiskey?"

His friend replies: "Yea, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."

Score: 36

I like my women like I like my whiskey 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Score: 34

Two Chinese guys rob a brewery. The one asks the other, "Is this whiskey?" The other man replies, "Not as whiskey as whobbing a bank."

Score: 32

A man walks into a bar after a long day in the mines He asks the bartender for some whiskey, but the bartender replies; "Sorry, we can't sell alcohol to miners."

Score: 29

A fish walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "Gin? Whiskey?

"Water," the fish says, and collapses

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^this ^is ^what ^you ^get ^when ^jokes ^are ^OC

Score: 29

I like my coffee like I like my women... Full of whiskey.

Score: 28

So, I've recently started a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already.

Score: 15

The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog. I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".

Score: 9

I like my women how I like my whiskey... 18 years old and full of coke.

Score: 7

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days alread

Score: 6

There are three ways to drink whiskey Three ways;

* With water
* Without water
* As water

Score: 6

I'm on the beer and whiskey diet Last week I lost three days.

Score: 6

My marriage is a lot like my whiskey On the rocks

Score: 5

The doctor said I need to start drinking more whiskey.... Also I am calling myself "the doctor" now.

Score: 5

I like my women like I like my whiskey. I hate whiskey.

Score: 4

She was just a whiskey maker but he loved her still.

Score: 4

New Whiskey Jokes

I recently started a whiskey diet, I lost two days already.

Score: 3

I was sad, So I drank two bottles of Whiskey and smoked twnty Joints and immediately felt happy.. I was in High Spirits!

Score: 2

A bear walks into a bar. The bear says he wants a whiskey and a coke. The bartender says sure no problem but what’s with the big pause? The bear says I dunno I was born that way

Score: 0

I saw a clown drinking an alcoholic drink while doing death defying stunts. I told him, "That's whiskey."

Score: 3

A rock walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says, Sorry we don't serve rocks here.

"Neat."

Score: 4

Black guy walks into a bar... Black guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The barman notices a parrot on his shoulder an says "Oh cool!! Where did you find him!?"

The parrot says "Africa! There's thousands of them!"

Score: 4

I always try to drink whiskey that's older than the women I sleep with It sound impressive and all, until I'm seen drinking red label

Score: 2

Anecdote - Daughter, why my bottle of whiskey half empty?
- Because you're a pessimist, Papa.

Score: 1

Did you know that Whiskey is a great solution? One double and you'll start feeling single again.

Score: 2

I like my women like I like my whiskey Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.

Score: 2

I like my women like I like whiskey 8 years old and mixed up with coke.

Score: 3

My relationship to whiskey has been on the rocks

Score: 4

I like my women like I like my whiskey 20 years old and full of coke.

Score: 2

Why did the illegal immigrant take his whiskey neat? He didn't want to deal with I.C.E

Score: 2

Met a girl from Tinder tonight. She asked me if I have any problems with alcohol. Confidently, I replied "Nah, whiskey and I are like best friends!"

Dunno why she left in such a hurry...

Score: 1