Hilarious Wizard Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Wizard Jokes

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.

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What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys? A neck romancer.

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Man goes to a wizard A man goes to see a wizard and says:

"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"

The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

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The Imperial Wizard of the KKK was just found dead near a river in Missouri... Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping white trash in our water.

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What do you have when you have 16 copies of the Wizard of Oz? The Wizard of Lb.

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A man goes to see a wizard A man goes to see a wizard and says,

"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

"Maybe..." says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"

The man replies,

"I pronounce you man and wife."

Score: 119

Score: 106

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. 

Just wanted to make that clear.

Score: 71

What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic? A Juand

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Did you hear about the illiterate wizard? He couldn't even spellbook.

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What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life? An Opti-Mystic.

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Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz? Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs

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What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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What do you call a wizard from Uganda? a uGandalf

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How does a conservative wizard summon a chair? "Bench-appearo!"

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A wizard's on his drive home from work... He turns into a driveway.

*(Credit should really be owed to a friend of mine, but I thought I'd share my favourite joke).*

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What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map

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How is working in I.T. like being a wizard? You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

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Why did the wizard lose his job? He got outsorced.

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What do you call a dark wizard that loves to give hickeys? a necromancer

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The other day, a wizard offered to turn me into a cat. The suggestion gave me pause.

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What do you call a wizard that can only control lizards? Salamancer.

Ha.

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Have you heard about the barefoot frail wizard with bad breath? Well it's the first confirmed case of a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

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I think my boyfriend is a member of the KKK Because he is a wizard under the sheets.

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What was a dog wizard called? Labracadabrador.

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There once was a wizard who never hesitated to try new spells. But then he turned himself into a dog... That gave him pause.

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What do you call a wizard that keeps falling over? Stumbledore

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Why does the KKK wear those pointy hats? White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.

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What kind of magic does a vegan wizard use? Soycery

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I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals. I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.

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What do you call a black wizard? A negromancer.

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What do you call a wizard that divorced his wife? Dr. Estranged

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Which wizard would be the worst professor? Gandalf, because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

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A wizard steps on someone's foot and says Oh my gosh I am sorcery

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The wizard was driving down the street When suddenly he turned into a driveway.

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Donald Trump's family bought him a Gandalf the Grey costume for his birthday. Unfortunately, this wasn't the sort of Grand Wizard outfit he had in mind...

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A very wise wizard came up to me while I was struggling to finish my test. I thought he would have helped, but unfortunately he told me that I shall not pass.

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What did the wizard say to a woman at the abortion clinic? Fetus deletus!

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The Wizard of Oz returned home unexpectedly early one afternoon. WIZARD: Honey, I'm home.

WIFE: Oh…you're back so soon.

WIZARD: Is somebody here?

WIFE: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

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What do you call a wizard that only eats sand? Still Malnourished

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New Wizard Jokes

Growing up as a nerd in Mississippi, I found it difficult to connect to people around me. Until I learned about my great grandfather. Turns out, he used to LARP in the 40s. He was the Grand Wizard of his Guild.

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How did the dyslexic wizard turn a man into a woman? He *miss*pelled.

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What was the misogynist wizard’s favorite spell? Objectify

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Where does a wizard go to find any spell he needs? Witchopedia

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Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer.

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Why did the wizard's incantation fail? He forgot to use spell check

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Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry. Harry: You're a hairy wizard.

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A wizard was driving down a road... and then he turned into a driveway.

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Dancing wizard and a blistered foot. What spell does a dancing wizard cast on a blistered foot?

Heal Toe!!

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Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, and Donald Trump landed in the Land of Oz... Mike Pence: I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart!

Rudy Giuliani: I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain!

Donald Trump: (looking around the area) Where's Dorothy?

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I was pondering life with the cat wizard... Then he said something that gave me paws.

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