Wwii Jokes

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII. Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock... Whoops, wrong sub.

A joke from WWII A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:

"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"

"Half a million within two days."

"And if we invade with a million troops?"

"We shoot twice and go home."

What is the most common attire during WWII? Casual Tees

TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.

I'm selling a WWII relic.... A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once.

Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII. Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.

Please listen closely... Attention: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII and Wednesday comes *after* Tuesday.

Why was WWI so short? Because they were Russian...


Why was WWII so long?


They were Stalin...

For Sale: French WWII Rifle Never fired. Only dropped once.

What would the French say if they had Twitter during WWII? Retweet! Retweet!

I was talking to a girl about WWII It went something like this

Her: My grandparents were in a concentration camp


Me: So was my Grandfather. He died there


Her: :(


Me: Poor fella fell out of the guard tower

Italian WWII Tank for Sale It has 5 speeds; 4 are reverse.

Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals. What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

My grandfather got his tongue shot off during WWII He never talked about it.

Three Germans were sitting in a bar telling jokes about WWII. They lost it.

Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII The Pacific Theatre

My great-grandfather in WWII My great grandpa was responsible for the downing of over 25 German aircraft during the war.


He was the worst mechanic in the whole Luftwaffe.

What do Caitlyn Jenner and WWII have in common? The Battle of the Bulge.

Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is? Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible

What'd the blind tourist do during WWII? Not-see Germany.

How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII? When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.

In WWII, what did the German officer say to the clock that ticked? Ve have vays of making you tock...

What's the most common outfit in WWII? Casual-tees

I don't care what you say about WWII Whoever killed Hitler, is my Hero.

What is weaker than French defences during WWII? Tea made by an American.

What did the Allied forces call the German army as it retreated at the end of WWII? A receding herr line

Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray... Now he is a seasoned veteran.

My grandfather had a buddy named Will who was shot during WWII... His commanding officer said "Fire at Will!" So everyone shot at Will and killed him

What was the worst part about being a black jew during WWII? You had to sit in the back of the oven.

What video game did Hitler play before starting WWII? Mein Kraft

I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA! He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!

Did you know that before WWII, Hitler and Stalin took cooking classes together? They were learning how to make peas with their enemies.

What do you call a terrorist born during WWII? A boomer.

TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war! Sorry, wrong sub :(

My hero is the hero of WWII My hero i aspire to be is the hero that killed Hitler

Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about Hitler and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called? Dad: K, Nein

Ho did Germany beat Poland in WWII? Well... when the Polish threw grenades at the Germans，the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back!

Tge French shouldn't only be know if surrendering. The served a very important purpose in WWII They gave a bunch of German soilders STDs