Hilarious A Ha Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest A Ha Jokes

Why do we call "#" a hashtag and not pound? Because feminists wouldn't appreciate the PoundMeToo movement.

Score: 13447

I accidentally swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles... My next bowel movement could spell disaster.

Score: 10659

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier... "Have you any two watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That’ll do, I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn’t have any."
"Any what?"
"Yes please!"

Score: 10103

I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"

Score: 2730

The whole world should be worried if North Korea has a missile that can hit New York... ...because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

Score: 2541

A guy goes to a halloween party with a girl on his back. The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"

Score: 2216

The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

Score: 2141

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

Score: 2020

Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window. If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.

Score: 1839

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

Score: 1745

I wrote a haiku about admins and mods [removed] [deleted]
[removed] [deleted] [removed]
[deleted] [removed]

Score: 1629

I walk into a hardware store.. "Any two-watt bulbs?"

"For what?"

"That'll do. I'll take two."

"Two what?"

"I thought you didn't have any. "

"Any what?"

"Yes please."

Edit: Thanks /u/eyekwah2

Score: 1331

I accidentally ate a handful of scrabble tiles... My next bowel movement could spell disaster

Score: 1326

A wife is like a hand grenade... remove the ring and your house is gone!

Score: 1283

A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg. The answer is the chicken.

Score: 1187

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York... ... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

Score: 1103

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined. Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

Edit: McDonald's and Starbucks have a combined total of a couple museums.

Score: 994

I got a handjob from a blind girl the other day... She told me it was the biggest she'd ever had.

I said, "Aww, you're just pulling my leg."

Score: 933

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken

Score: 861

What does a Hawaiian Muslim say? Aloha Akbar

Score: 849

A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward

Score: 843

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people Then the grenade exploded.

Score: 734

Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time. They have enough on their plate already.

Score: 669

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, . but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

Score: 666

I got a hand job yesterday I'm now officially a sign language interpreter

Score: 638

Life is like a hardcore drug. I've taken several.

Score: 637

A guy goes to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken and meets a girl dressed as an egg. The answer is the chicken.

Score: 613

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of time You see, it used to get cold outside

Score: 585

What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common? Remove the ring and your house is gone

Score: 578

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag She said thanks for the baghdad

Score: 568

I just heard that my grandma has finally stopped smoking..... We can collect her ashes tomorrow.

Score: 356

Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized

Score: 299

You've gotta hand it to short people Otherwise they can't reach it

Score: 289

If a white lie is a harmless lie that doesn't really matter Then does that mean that black lies matter?

Score: 282

So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill. Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

Score: 232

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Score: 217

This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?" "A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"

Score: 196

Yo Mama has so many warts... Her face spells "ugly" in Braille

Score: 134

What's the best thing for a hangover? Drinking heavily the night before.

Score: 129

What's a pregnant woman, a frozen beer, and a burnt pizza have in common? Some moron didn't pull it out.

Score: 111

New A Ha Jokes

What do World Of Warcraft and China have in common? In both there's tanks used to take down mobs.

Score: 30

My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger. They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.

Score: 11

I had a happy childhood my Dad would put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill, they were Goodyears.

Score: 52

Diarrhea has been proved to be hereditary. It runs in your jeans.

Score: 48

I went to a Halloween party and saw two people wrapped in a barcode. I asked them " Are you two an item?"

Score: 15

Irma has been blowing all over the city for a few weeks now. But enough about your mom, let me tell you about the weather.

Score: 14

Whenever anybody says they are trying to find a needle in a haystack, I cant help but wonder... ...who was shooting up in the barn?

Score: 23

A harp seal walks into a bar Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks "what would you like?" The harp seal replies, "anything but a Canadian club."

Score: 17

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it. Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

Score: 52

My grandma recently claimed she once gave a handjob to Albert Einstein.. What a stroke of genius.

Score: 22

What do you get when you cross a terrorist and a Hawaiian food truck? Aloha snack bar!

I'm sorry

Score: 22

If a zoo had a half man half horse... Do you think it would be the centaur of attention?

Score: 44

As a hardworking American I'm proud to finally say I'm a millionaire Unfortunately, nobody in the states is accepting payment with Zimbabwean dollars.

Score: 29

Syria has a lot of nice reviews Everyone says they got blown away.

Score: 36

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Score: 90

What is the difference between a hand grenade and a feminist ? A hand grenade only gets triggered once

Score: 54

I should write small jokes on a handful of coins I will call them "cents of humor"

Score: 20

Why doesn't Santa have any millennial elves? Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.

Score: 26

Why does Santa have the best job in the world? He knows where all the naughty girls live

Score: 80

TIL that Princess Diana had a bad dandruff problem. Apparently they found her head and shoulders in the glove box.

Score: 12

Subway is a lot like a hand job I can do it myself

Score: 26

My 93-year-old grandma has rheumatoid arthritis and is slow at crosswalks. Yesterday, she got hit by a car. She's perfectly fine -- she has an auto-immune disease!

Score: 37

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery. Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

Edit: Thats first time I didn't see a single joke in comments. I guess battery issue is quite tricky

Score: 49

Protip: If you're looking for a needle in a haystack... ...you should probably be more concerned about confronting your horse concerning his drug problem

Score: 43

A ham sandwich walks into a bar... The bartender goes sorry, we don't serve food here.

Score: 60

Everyone keeps wishing a Happy Father's Day to "The Best Dad in the World." I'm flattered. But I hope everyone wishes their own dad a Happy Fathers Day as well.

Score: 29

Why Does NASA Have No Competition? Because they destroyed their last challenger.

Score: 18

If a deaf person gives a hand-job... Is it considered oral?

Score: 31

I told the mods about my idea to start a Harambe mega-thread. But they shot it down.

Score: 27

A large city in the Yorkshire area has gone missing, Police are looking for Leeds.

(friend told me that one)

Score: 27

You gotta hand it to Donald Trump... He's the only orange that makes you say "mmm, peach!"

Score: 11

What does a WiFi Router and my grandpa have in common? an SS ID

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If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called How I banged your mother with two and a half men

Score: 65

Never trust a harp. They're all lyres.

Score: 19

My grandpa has got the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the zoo.

Score: 34

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss... Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 14

A glass of Nutella has about 9870 calories, but I don't care! I never eat the glass, anyway.

Score: 60

I started carrying a hand gun after a failed mugging attempt. Now, all my mugging attempts have been successful.

Score: 46

Why did the hitman have such a hard time getting married? No witnesses.

Score: 50

My grandma has nearly finished her jigsaw after 3 weeks Pretty good considering it says 7-8 years

Score: 11

How do you find a needle in a hay stack? Lock a junkie in the barn

Score: 50

What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell? About 25 seconds in the microwave.

Score: 15

Do you know why kleptomaniacs have such a hard time understanding puns? Because they take things literally.

Score: 30

A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.

Score: 62

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana Have in Common? Their last hits were the wall.

Score: 13

Why did Medusa have to take harassment in the workplace training? Because she wouldn't stop objectifying people.

Score: 39

I got a hard on at my wifes funeral Guess you could say I had mourning wood.

Score: 30

Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers. They don't like integration.

Score: 44

Someone gave a handjob to Albert Einstein... What a stroke of genius!

Score: 35

I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake. It had some chunks, but it was delicious.

Score: 19

What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? "Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"

Score: 12

A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Score: 39

How do the Irish cure a hangover? With a funeral.

Score: 26

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

Score: 18

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut? Remove only the top 1% please.

Score: 51

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found They are trying to find out what period it came from

Score: 50

You gotta hand it to short people... they can't reach it most of the time.

Score: 84

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle? Attire

Score: 68

You gotta hand it to the blind prostitute. .. ...

Score: 15

At my school, the cafeteria has "World Cuisine" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu. Last week, the country was Ethiopia... ...they served us nothing.

Score: 11