Hilarious America Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest America Jokes

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators

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Why is EA the worst gaming company in America? Because Ubisoft is in France.

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North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media But every American knows that America is the best country in the world

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Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We’ll return him back to you.

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“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!” In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.

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As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others... Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

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What's the difference between Thailand and America? Thailand reunites boys with their families.

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I'm an American, and I'm sick of people saying, “America is the stupidest country in the world.” Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

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Do Transformers get car insurance or health insurance? Nether. They’re immigrants in America.

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In America, dogs are k-9s But in China, dogs are e-10

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In America, dogs are K9. In China, dogs are E10.

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America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...

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Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He wants to make America grate again.

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If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive? The United States of America

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North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media… But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

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America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president. You could say they are going toupée for it.

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Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

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Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight... There would be mass confusion.

Edit: this got weigh more attention than I thought it would. Thanks a ton!

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What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture

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America is sure having some bad luck these days. It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

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What happens when you take a joke too far? The 45th President of the United States of America.

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Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance? Neither because they live in America.

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash. Who survives? America.

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What's the difference between America and cheese? If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

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"You the bomb!" "No you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in the middle east.

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TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined. Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

Edit: McDonald's and Starbucks have a combined total of a couple museums.

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My girlfriend asked me, "If you could have any super-power, which one would you have?" I said, "America."

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With all the bad things happenning in america right now, you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.

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In Soviet Russia, you rob banks... in Capitalist America, banks rob you!

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Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still... (•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

In *da* pendent

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I'm American, and I'm sick of hearing that America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world...

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America is so racist and homophobic That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.

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Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. Trump will make America grate again.

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"Name one person that could beat Captain America" Captain Vietnam

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Who would survive if Trump and Clinton both were stranded on a island? America

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What do you call a bee from America? USB

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What do you call Hulk dressed up as Captain America? Star-Spangled Banner

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What do you call a bee that lives in America? a USB

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New America Jokes

What’s the best part about summer in America? 3 months without a school shooting.

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What do you call the Hulk when he picks up Captain America's shield? The Star Spangled Banner

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You know who could beat captain America? Captain Vietnam

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"I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.” Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

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Who can beat Captain America? Captain Vietnam.

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In the 90's America was fighting a war on drugs In the 60's and 70's America was fighting a war, on drugs

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Which superhero can beat Captain America? Captain Vietnam

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Why is America so fat? Because THESE COLORS DON’T RUN

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If the U.S. ran out of shredded cheese... we would have to "make America grate again"

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I'm surprised there are so many anti-vax politicians in America Because most American politicians don't seem to care if kids get shot.

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Which part of America can’t sell full-sized soft drinks? Minne-soda.

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The difference. “You da bomb!”

“No, you da bomb!”

In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.

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A lot of people get all hot and bothered about euthanasia But what about youth in America???

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What's the difference between America and Yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years it develops a culture.

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Why America changed the spelling of words America:Color

England:Colour

America:Neighbor

England:Neighbour

America:Humor

England:Humour

America:Flavor

England:Flavour

England: What are you doing?

Murica': Getting rid of u.

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Why are there no knock knock jokes in America? Because Freedom Rings

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“You da bomb!” “No, you da bomb!” In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.

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America is sure having some bad luck lately It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

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America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy... But won't cross the street to vote.

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"You da bomb!” “No, you da bomb!” In America – a compliment.
In the Middle East – an argument

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Who can defeat Captain America? Captain Vietnam

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What is the best thing about Tiger Woods' arrest? A black man in America finally survived a traffic stop. Progress!

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TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon They'll think it was France

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Blonde and the Airlines A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

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Why were the Indians the first ones in the America's? Because they had reservations

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Donald Trump has imposed a ban on all pre-shredded bags of cheese in stores He wants to make America grate again.

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How do you get America to join a World War? Tell them it's almost over.

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I got a white noise machine to help me sleep... but it just keeps saying things like "I have many friends of different colors" and "I just wish America was like how it used to be."

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In America, everything is opposite of Britain For example:

In Britain, people drive on the left

In America, they drive on the right

In Britain, you watch the TV

In America, the TV watches you

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America Wants You! In Soviet Russia, you want America.

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In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, the Party can always find you.

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I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret Or United States of America.

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In America, it's called Alt Right In Germany, it's called "This is Why Grandpa Lives in Argentina"

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What's the difference between America and Yogurt If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture

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A Russian visiting America A RUSSIAN visiting America, went for an eye check-up.
The doctor shows him the letters on the board: CZWVNQSTAZKY
Doctor: Can you read this?
Russian: Read? I even know the guy. He's my cousin!

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Trump signs executive order banning the sale of pre-shredded cheese He wants to make America Grate Again.

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I hate how everyone keeps saying America is the stupidest country in the world... You know what I think? Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

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Trump is bringing America back to a time when it was great 1984

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What do you call a Japanese man in America with $8932 and 40 cents? A Mill*yen*aire.

...Yeah I know I'm a shitbird.

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"You're the bomb!" “No, you're the bomb!”

In America – a compliment.
In the Middle East – an argument.

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Obama used the race card. Hillary used the woman card. America used the Trump card.

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Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

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Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America: Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.

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With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again!

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If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton gets in a car crash who will survive? America.

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America is in the labor room right now... Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl.

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A liar, a cheat, and a bigot walked into a bar... "Let's make America great again!" he said.

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Trump and Hillary fall into an ocean. Who will be saved? America.

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Who lost the American Presidential Debate? America.

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Did you hear the score to the game last night? America: 8
Ethiopia: Didn't

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If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were in a car accident, who would survive? America.

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What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common? They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

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Michael Jackson is the epitome of the American Dream Only in America could a poor, black boy become a rich, white woman

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If Trump and Hilary were stuck on a desert island, who would survive? America

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Who died and left America in charge? Hitler.

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Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories. He says he wants to "make America grate again."

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I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white. Surely we don't need that many guards.

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Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!!! Britain: "What happened to the T?"

America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"

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My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

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What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca? One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.

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