Amputee Jokes

Contents

Funniest Amputee Jokes

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate? Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

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Funny Amputee Jokes
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A blind clown is asked to perform at a children’s hospital. He is led into the amputee ward and begins with some jokes, but not one child laughs. “A song, perhaps,” he thinks. “That’ll cheer ‘em up!”
“Ifffffff you’re happy and you know it....”

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What do you call an amputee learning karate? Partial arts

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Why couldn't the amputee rob the bank... Because he was unarmed

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I married an amputee last week She single handedly changed my life

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What do you call an amputee that does karate? A partial artist

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An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves On one hand, they are good for cold weather.

On the other, they don't really help.

Score: 77

An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon... It was secondhand.

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If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just yell out letters.

- Demetri Martin

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What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial arts

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Saw an amputee in the gym today.. Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.

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So I phoned the Amputee Hotline the other day I got cut-off.

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So a quadriplegic amputee went... Absolutely nowhere.

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.

(H/T Demetri Martin)

Score: 31

An amputee walks up to a stranger... An amputee missing his left arm and left leg walks up to a stranger and shouts, “I lost my left arm and left leg!!!”.

The stranger looks at him, unsure what to make of this interaction, and says, “All-righty then.”

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Where do amputee's go out to eat? IHop.

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I got thrown out of the amputee club for having all of my limbs In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment

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I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we were having for dinner tonight. She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"

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Two thieves walk into an amputee clinic. "Everybody put your hand up!"

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What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles? Stumped

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My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends. It was quite the faux paw.

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What do you call a confused amputee? Stumped.

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How tall is the worlds tallest amputee? About a foot shorter than the tallest man.

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Have you heard of the amputee protest that turned into a riot? It was out of hand.

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An amputee broke into my house last night and tried to steal my stuff Luckily he was unarmed

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What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike? Look ma, no hands!

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I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul.

Score: 11

On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted... ...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator).

Score: 10

Why are double amputees always wrong? Because they don't have a leg to stand on.

Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.

Score: 10

I have an amputee fetish and finally decided to meet up with one. Found her on StubHub.

Score: 9

That's the last time I do a pub crawl with an amputee. He really couldn't hold his drink.

Score: 8

My wife started crying when I asked her for a handjob Guess its really insensitive to ask an amputee that.

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I told a riddle to a double amputee once Boy did it leave him stumped

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Why did the Amputee Buy a Gun? He Wanted to be Armed.

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What did the amputee say to the police officer? "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

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What do you call a quadruple amputee that is afraid of everything? A chicken nugget.

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What was the double amputee's favorite book? A Farewell to Arms

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What do you call a quadruple amputee who's a member of organized crime? The head

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New Amputee Jokes

Why can’t the amputee develop romantic feelings for someone? Because he couldn’t catch feels.

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I lied on my application to become a member of the Amputee Association of America. When they found out, I was dismembered.

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Yesterday I saw the sweetest amputee dog, but I stayed up thinking, "How well does a three-legged dog swim???" Oh, only 3 feet below the surface.

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What dish do you serve an amputee who recently lost both of his lower legs? A below-knee sandwich

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Did you hear the joke about the quadruple amputee? it's Been reposted so many times that it's still running

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I asked an amputee for directions, and he said... "Sure, I know these streets like the back of my..."

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Did you hear about the amputee who escaped the hospital after being fitted with his prosthetics? You might want to watch out. News reports claim that he is armed and dangerous

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What did the Jamaican war hero amputee say to the massage therapist when asked where he wanted to be massaged? DA FEET IS NADDA OPTION!!

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I just grilled a flat earther amputee. It was easy because he didn't have a leg to stand on.

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What do you call two hookers with two legs? Two amputee hookers

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I made an amputee's day once. When he needed help, I gave him a hand.

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What can amputee never feel? Dafeet.

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