Appropriate Jokes

It's appropriate that Cyborg from the Justice League is black, Considering that he's only 3/5 of a person.

Why do they call almond milk, almond milk? Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.

I'm the best man at my buddy's second wedding... Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with "Welcome back everyone"

I got fired from my bingo calling job today. Apparently 'a meal for two with a terrible view' is not an appropriate way to call 69.

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them. I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies... On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

Apple wanted to make a smaller ipod just for kids... But they decided that Itouch Kids wouldn't be an appropriate name.

I got uninvited from a friend's wedding Perhaps RSVPing "Maybe Next Time" wasn't the appropriate response.

Why did the German cross the road? Because the electronic traffic signal indicated that it was the appropriate time to do so.

Figured this is an appropriate time to tell this. What is an Undertaker's favorite element? Barium.

I got fired from my job at the Sperm Bank today Apparently saying “Get a load of this guy” when someone walks in is NOT appropriate.

After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see. I told her, "That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"

I always assumed you took off your pants during a prostate exam But apparently that's "not appropriate for a medical professional".

What would be a more appropriate name for spiderman? Peter parkour.

It's quite appropriate that fast food cashiers... often open with "sorry for the weight".

I was asked who my favourite X-Men character was.. Caitlin jenner was apparently not an appropriate answer

Mario's Jeans What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

*(in appropriate melody)* Denim, denim, denim...

In St. Louis right now, thought this was appropriate: How many black people does it take to start a riot? -1

At what age do you think it’s appropriate... ...to tell a highway it’s adopted?

My wife asked me to pick the music for her mother's funeral. Apparently Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead was not the appropriate song.

I was going to make a joke about incest to my brother... But on second thought, it's really not appropriate for him to be hearing these kinds of things from his father.

A friend of mine died last friday, while drinking his martini It's on that day I learnt an important lesson:

Though laughter is the best medicine, in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog... He’s adopted

I told my girlfriend she'd look better with her hair back Apparently that's not an appropriate thing to say to a chemo patient

I was filling in an online survey when it asked me what state I lived in Apparently "constant despair" isn't an appropriate answer.

My Asian friend got his Jewish wife pregnant. I guess "Cha Ching" wasn't an appropriate name suggestion

My wife's super hot friend was telling me she was having trouble getting pregnant "I wish I could help" was probably not the appropriate response

Since it’s my cake day, I thought I’d do an appropriate joke. Why did the coffee cake kill himself? Because his life was so crumby!

"I just love a girl in uniform" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard.

My boss asked me which of the X-men was my favorite Apparently Bruce Jenner was not an appropriate answer.

Only appropriate 9/11 joke I know “Knock knock”

“Who’s there?”

“9/11”

“9/11 who?”

“YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER FORGET!!!!”

I was kicked out of NASA today. Apparently; "To Bed Bath and Beyond!" is not an appropriate quote to say during launch.

Only in Houston is it considered appropriate to ask a stranger How many inches you got?

Appropriate since both my sister and girlfriend are on their time of the month Why is a period called PMS?

Because mad cow disease was already taken.

When asked how old he is, a friend of mine describes himself as being, "Not old enough to vote republican" Meanwhile, I would describe my friend as being, "An appropriate age to be dodging that question"

People think that having long hair and bangs is emo. I think its more appropriate to cut it.

I need some help with some really corny jokes.... I'm in need of some clever and creative corny jokes (example....what's brown and sticky? A stick) Keep in mind they need to be clean and appropriate for elementary students. Thank y'all!

I complimented my Jewish girlfriend today, but all she did was slap me! Apparently, "You have a smile that could brighten the holocaust" wasn't very appropriate.

Just attended my mother in-laws funeral. Apparently "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead" was not an appropriate song for the occasion.