Hilarious Bank Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Bank Jokes

Boy: What's a palindrome? Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

Score: 15129

Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

Score: 12648

Score: 12166

Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.” Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

Score: 11314

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday. Apparently you are not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

Score: 9256

My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did. Account balance: $9.11

Score: 6711

a guy with a gun bursts into a bank and screams “a person's regular occupation, profession, or trade. also known as a commercial enterprise.” the old lady in front of him whispers to the teller, “I’d do whatever he asks. He means business.”

Score: 6576

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Score: 2237

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller... Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

Score: 2030

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber He died last week

surrounded by his family

Score: 1508

TIL England doesn't have a kidney bank But it does have a Liverpool

Score: 1404

A hot naked woman robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 1182

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Score: 1066

My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone.

That was nice of them to say.

Score: 949

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working... ... as long as I die on Thursday.

Score: 942

How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank? Tell them you can't come.

Score: 867

What did the robber say after detonating a bomb inside a bank? EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Score: 738

A naked women robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 726

A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery.

Score: 674

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

Score: 628

Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

Score: 623

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

Score: 620

I used to work at a bank, an old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

Score: 554

I'm addicted to having money in the bank. And I really do suffer from withdrawals.

Score: 508

I am amazing at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding

Score: 422

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

Score: 415

A man tries to rob a bank Man: "Where is the money!"

Teller:

Man: "Where is the money!"

Teller:

Penn: "He always does this."

Score: 404

Man tries to open a bank account Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete moron."

Score: 387

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

Score: 373

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

Score: 351

I just found my old Nokia and connected it with my power bank. The power bank is now fully charged again.

Score: 339

I'm thinking of opening a sperm bank and calling it... "Get a load of this guy"

Score: 259

Give a man a gun he can rob a bank... Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

Score: 242

My bank account was hacked!!! The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.

Score: 183

"You said you had between ten and fifteen million dollars in the bank," she yelled. "I didn't lie," I replied, "I've got exactly $23."

Score: 166

A blonde stands on the bank of a river There is no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde across the river and shouts:

How do I get to the other side of the river?!

The other blonde shouts back:

Why? You already are on the other side!

Score: 149

I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

Score: 133

How did the duck rob the bank? It quacked the code to the vault.

Score: 118

When I donate blood Me: "When I donate blood I do not need to extract it myself. A nurse does it for me."

Receptionist: "Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way!"

Score: 95

A Rastaman with a bag full of marijuana walks into a bank... and hands it to a cashier. The angry cashier asks 'Sir, what is this...?' The rasta replies "Wa yah ask foolish question, mi come to open a joint account!!"

Score: 83

New Bank Jokes

Never rob a bank if you are a furry. The police will be hot in pursuit, you will be hot in fursuit.

Score: 4

One day an old lady came to my bank and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Score: 9

Ever heard of Alexander Hamilton? Heard he makes bank

Score: 5

Things are still bad at the banking industry. The other day, a friend of mine went to the bank and asked the teller to check her balance. The guy leaned over and pushed her.

Score: 4

A man walks into a bank to see his financial advisor. He sits down and says:

"I want to close my savings account."

"We're very sorry to hear that," says the advisor, "why is that?"

The man replies: "I've lost interest."

Score: 4

A guy runs into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and shouts, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!" Puzzled, the teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?” The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"

Score: 76

I slept with a bank manager and got financial aids

Score: 14

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account! $ -1,250

Score: 16

I like the phrase less is more... ...I just wish it pertained to what was in my bank account.

Score: 5

When the nurse declined his request... He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the sperm bank.

Score: 19

If you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank... once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket, and they classed it as an "uncharacteristic purchase"

Score: 5

Now that Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood career is over, he's decided to open a bank. Word is that he's been giving out plenty of unwanted advances.

Score: 6

Got fired from the sperm bank Guess drinking on the job was a bad idea.

Score: 15

Did you hear about the bank conference where no one turned up? Apparently there was 0 interest.

Score: 6

A bank is a place that will lend you money, but only if you can prove that you don't need it.

Score: 7

Did you hear of the American who robbed a bank in Latvia? Turns out potatoes aren't a valid currency in the US.

Score: 8

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask... ...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

Score: 13

My Mother-in-law robbed a bank and is on the run from the police Now she's my Mother-out-law

Score: 8

A naked woman robbed a bank filled with men But nobody could remember her face.

Score: 50

What did the cauliflower bank robber say to the broccoli getaway driver? Floret.

Score: 5

You know you're addicted to games... When you walk into the bank and see a camera and your first instinct is to take your 9mm pistol to shoot it.

Score: 22

Did you hear about the lady that got fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job.

Score: 75

What do you call a fruit that has been caught for bank robbing? a waterfelon

Score: 10

I just found out that the sperm bank pays All these years, money has been running through my fingers

Score: 22

Why didn't the security guard want to work at the rooftop bank? Because he was scared of heists.

Score: 5

How did the cross-dresser rob the bank? By making a Trans-action

Score: 4

I rode my unicycle to the bank today. They told me I have outstanding balance. I'm not exactly sure how to take it.

Score: 5

Here in Soviet Russia You rob bank.
Here in Capitalist America, bank rob you!

Score: 5

Being a bank guard in Alaska is tough... Everyone wears ski masks

Score: 5

I've put the money attracting talisman my gf gave me on the dashboard of my car I had a head-on with an armored bank truck the next day.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the two owls who agreed to rob a bank together? They were in co-hoots.

Score: 5

A girl I know got fired from a sperm bank.. She was drinking on the job.

Score: 8

A naked women once robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 6

A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun and points it at the teller… “Give me all your money or you’re geography.” he says.

The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”

The robber says, “Don’t change the subject.”

Score: 50

Two Chinese Guys Break Into a Distillery The one guy looks to his friend and asks: "Is it whiskey?"

His friend replies: "Yea, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."

Score: 36

An Asian lady walks into a bank She is trying to exchange yen for sterling.

She rants at the cashier " yesterday I get 200 pounds for 1 yen, today I only get 180, why is this? ".

The cashier replies " fluctuations ",

the lady replies " fluck you white people too".

Score: 9

My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him... Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.

Score: 9

I had to thank my friend for finding my bank card resting in some wet grass. Credit where it's dew.

Score: 33

The janitor at the bank managed to rob 21 million dollars. He made a clean getaway!

Score: 4

Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance Just look at my bank account.

Score: 9

Got fired from the sperm bank today... I guess I shouldn't be drinking on the job

Score: 10

Me: I love to travel. Bank account: Like where? To the backyard?

Score: 8

I was in the bank the other day.. and this sweet old lady asked me if I could help check her balance.

So I pushed her and she fell over

Score: 46

I was going to tell a joke about a bank.. But then I lost intrest.

Score: 4

I have an addiction to having lots of money in my bank account. Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.

Score: 52

What did the exit of the sperm bank say? "Thanks for coming"

Score: 4

Excuse me, can you help me find the sperm bank? Sure, it's the one with the sign that says, "Come inside."

Score: 6

An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it's sustainable I looked at my bank account, and I really disagree.

Score: 25

Why Do You Get Paid More At The Sperm Bank Than At The Blood Bank? Sperm Is Handmade.

Score: 30

I am a victim of cyber bullying Every day my bank emails me to notify me that my account is under the required threshold. I do not need reminders that I am poor.

Score: 7

Heard the sperm bank gives $50 for your sperm. I have a sock in my room worth $3000.

Score: 17

An old lady at the bank asked me if I could check her balance So I pushed her over

Score: 24

A sodium ion went to rob a bank. It was charged, without a doubt.

Score: 4

I work with a bank and some old lady asked me to help check her balance ... So I pushed her over

Score: 5

I'm a bank teller and some old lady asked for help checking her balance ... So I pushed her over

Score: 32

Did you hear about that poor gymnast's bank account? Her balance was outstanding.

Score: 6

I got fired from the sperm bank today.. Apparently they frown upon drinking on the job.

Score: 9

Where does David Cameron keep his hidden money? In the Piggy bank

Score: 3

I was looking at my bank statement and realized I was a .1 percent-er I don't know why anyone wants to be one, it's a crappy interest rate.

Score: 4

What is the most popular bank in Wales? Welsh Fargo...

...gramps made me do it.

Score: 43