Hilarious Battery Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Battery Jokes

An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Score: 12896

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

Score: 2436

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.

Score: 1833

I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore. The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.

Score: 1787

I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.

Score: 1440

Score: 1314

Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery Robin: What's a tery

Score: 1133

Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

Score: 770

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket

Score: 650

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

Score: 450

A falling battery killed a man today. It was charged with murder.

Score: 382

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S? The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year

Score: 341

ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery

Score: 301

I was surprised to find that "Trailer Park Barbie" doesn't come with bruising on her body Then I realized battery not included

Score: 295

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were in jail Turns out they were in for assault and battery

Score: 235

Batman: The Batmobile isn't starting Robin: Check the battery

Batman: What's a tery?

Score: 193

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off.

Score: 175

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla? The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.

Score: 165

I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day... They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.

Score: 109

Robin was having problems starting the Batmobile And then he went to Batman "The Batmobile won't start!"

"Have you checked the battery?"

"What's an Ery?"

Score: 95

*Police arrested two kids* ** Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.**

Score: 84

I got jumped by 5 black guys downtown the other day... The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.

Score: 82

If meat is murder... ...then is cake battery?

Score: 77

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab... One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

Score: 77

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship? Battery

Score: 76

How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge

Score: 71

Two kids were arrested last night. One ate a battery, the other ate fireworks. They charged the first, and let the other one off.

Score: 69

A Robot gets arrested. He's charged with battery.

Score: 67

I really hate people who brag about their expensive stuff Sent from my iPhone 7 Plus

EDIT : had to manage as my MacBook Pro ran out of battery

Score: 65

Robin: Hey Batman, the Batmobile won’t start! Batman: Did you check the battery?
R: What’s a “tery”?

Score: 60

The police arrested two suspicious men in a car park today. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

Score: 57

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*

Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

Score: 50

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery. Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

Edit: Thats first time I didn't see a single joke in comments. I guess battery issue is quite tricky

Score: 49

A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

Score: 28

Police arrested two kids yesterday!!! Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

Score: 26

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other eating fireworks... They charged one, and let the other off.

Score: 19

Police arrested 2 kids today One was drinking battery acid, the other other was eating fireworks.

They charged one- and let the other one off

Score: 18

I attacked a stranger with a sock full of dead AAA Duracells Kind of ironic that I was charged with battery

Score: 17

What's the difference between a thug and a phone charger? A phone charger charges batteries, but a thug has battery charges

Score: 14

The Energizer Bunny was recently arrested. He was charged with battery.

Score: 14

New Battery Jokes

Robin told batman that the batmobile stopped working Batman: check the battery

Robin: who is tery?

Score: 3

A huge surprise of the indictment of the Energizer Bunny in Michigan! He was charged with Battery

Score: 2

A battery was telling me something... “Im sorry, watt was that?”

Score: 0

An android inexplicably shut down in the middle of a bar fight. She was later arrested and charged with battery.

Score: 3

This robot was being mean to me, so I started clubbing him. I was arrested for battery.

Score: 1

What's the difference between Jeff Epstein and a cell phone battery? I'm not happy when my cell phone battery dies.

Score: 10

It's great when battery positive terminals are marked. It's a real plus.

Score: 4

What kind of crimes does Litium do? A salt and Battery

Score: 0

A battery, a mule, and a fish walk into a bar. The mule orders a beer. "I'm off the wagon," he explains.

The battery orders a juice. "AA all the way," it says.

"And for you, sir?" The bartender asks the fish. "Water," it croaks, and collapses.

Score: 2

Chris Brown is so good at Battery Elon Musk just hired him for Tesla.

Score: 2

What was the criminal electronic’s punishment? Assault and battery

Score: 1

A young couple is in a bus. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Score: 7

What is it called when The Energizer Bunny punches someone? Battery

Score: 2

A battery and a light bulb were in a race. Who won? None of them:
The light bulb was blown away from the short circuit and the battery gave up because it couldn't resist it either.

Score: 3

Why Were Sodium Chloride and Lithium Ion Arrested? For 'a salt' and battery :D

Score: 2

I get angry when my cellphone battery dies My therapist suggested that I find an outlet.

Score: 11

A flat battery went to court but there was no charge

Score: 3

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source. I was charged with a Sultan battery.

Score: 14

I got arrested the other day for throwing a battery at my wife and hitting her favorite salt shaker instead They charged me for a salt and battery.

Score: 3

Did you hear why the Energizer bunny got arrested? He was wanted for battery charges.

Score: 1

A phone gets thrown into a jail cell His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"

The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery"

Score: 5

A power cell held up charged in court. It was battery related case.

Score: 3

A computer beat up a guy and then promptly ran out of power. He was charged with battery.

Score: 3

What's the difference between my Wife and a Battery? The Battery has a Positive side

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What's the difference between your wife and a battery? At least the battery has a positive side!

Score: 1

I took the battery out of my carbon monoxide detector. It was annoying me with that infernal beeping noise.

Score: 2

It would suck to be a battery You're either working or you're dead.

Score: 3

It recently came out that ISIS was developing a bomb disguised as a laptop battery to take on airplanes They must have been taking Notes from Samsung

Score: 6

What did the potato chip say to the battery? If you're Ever-Ready I'm Frito-Lay!

Score: 4

I gave my dead battery away It was free of charge

Score: 2

Breaking News: Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with Assault and Battery.

We are waiting on his victim to be discharged.

Score: 3

The chemist got arrested last night in his lab He was charged with a salt and battery

Score: 2

Have you heard that Duracell bunny is in jail? They say he was charged with battery

Score: 5

The Energizer bunny got arrested today! He was arrested for battery.

This was a joke I posted on Facebook 7 years ago.

Score: 5

My new Tesla had a dead battery so I called AAA. Turns out the don't service Teslas. So I called AA... They don't have on site road assistance but I'm 30 days sober now.

Score: 1

Local man jump-starting neighbor's car. Local man arrested when jumpstarting neighbor's car.

Charged with battery

Score: 3

Why did the robot get the electric chair? He was charged with battery.

Score: 3

Two guys were just arrested. I just saw on the news that two guys have been arrested in the city centre. One was drinking battery fluid and the other was chewing fireworks. One of them was charged but the other was let off.

Score: 8

A cellphone with 3% battery walks into a bar. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

Score: 2

Kids these days. The police arrested two kids yesterday.

One was drinking was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Score: 14

Guys, did you hear the news? The energizer bunny was arrested... He was charged with *battery.*

Score: 9

Why did the robot kill someone with its empty battery? So it would get charged with murder.

Score: 6

Why was the Energizer Bunny sent to jail? Domestic battery

Score: 3

I went to the local store and I asked... "How much for a dead battery?" I asked.
He responded, to my delight.
No charge.

Score: 3

Why did the smartphone go to jail... [OC] Because it was charged with battery

Score: 4

Breaking News: The Energizer Bunny arrested! Charged with battery.

Score: 5

Energizer Bunny just arrested. He was charged with battery!

Score: 11

Living life on the edge. My idea of living life on the edge is to leave the house on 18% mobile battery.

Score: 2

So a policeman see's two kids in a street corner One's drinking battery acid while the other is eating fireworks

So the policeman charged one and let one off

Score: 13

I got arrested for plugging my phone into my portable power pack I'm being charged with battery

Score: 1

How is a Trump campaign chief like a vibrator? Both are charged with battery.

Score: 3

Did you hear that the energizer bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery.

Score: 1

Why was the Energizer Bunny jailed? On charges of battery.

Score: 3

Did you hear the Apple watch almost went to prison?? The crime was first degree battery.
It got off with no charge.

Score: 2

Why did the smartphone go to jail? It was charged with battery!

Score: 1

The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison. He was charged with battery.

. . .

Score: 12