Hilarious Beautiful Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Beautiful Jokes

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

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Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you... An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.

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I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” He said, “Try the ATM outside”

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Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

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I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women. I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?

She replies: Why?

I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

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A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'

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Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.

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Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. That's because elephants never forget.

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A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

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Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl When she noticed me, we went for a run

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Words can't describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can.

2/10

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Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie. She asked, “What would you like to see?” I said, “You pick.”

She said, “You pick.”

I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”

She said, “Sir, there are people behind you waiting to buy tickets.”

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I asked my grandpa.. I asked my grandpa: “After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What’s the secret?”

Grandpa: “I forgot her name 5 years ago and I’m scared to ask her.”

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Nothing beats a beautiful girl with a great singing voice! Except Chris Brown

Score: 680

5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me. Both times she said no

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I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem but it's very deep.

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My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue... Completely pale, no arms.

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My wife and I have three beautiful children And three out of five isn't bad.

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A black man walks into a bar... A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.

"That is really special," said the bartender. "Where did you get it?"

"Africa," replied the parrot.

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A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear... ...unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids.

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Nothing beats a beautiful woman that can also sing Well, except Chris Brown.

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An amnesiac walks into a bar He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

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What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky? A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...

A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.

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My wife is very mad that our beautiful neighbor is sunbathing nude in her yard. Personally, I'm on the fence.

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I married a beautiful woman - a smart one too. Hopefully they’ll never meet.

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Boy says this to girl Boy: No word can describe how beautiful you are

Girl: Awwwww

Boy: But a number can, 2/10

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I dig. You dig. We dig. He dig. She dig. They dig. It's not a very beautiful poem, but it's quite deep.

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What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston? A tourist.

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Nothing beats a pretty girl with a beautiful singing voice except for Chris Brown

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I was sitting on a train yesterday and saw this stunningly beautiful Thai girl. I thought to myself, “Please don’t get an erection, Please don’t get an erection”. But she did.

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I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. Now, it's not a very beautiful poem. But it is quite deep.

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So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder... The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"

"Africa!", says the parrot.

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You dig, we dig, she digs, he digs, they dig... It's not a particularly beautiful poem but it's really deep

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This time 5 years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl I've met out for dinner, today I asked her to marry me, she said no both times.

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I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”

“She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

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Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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I was on a first date last night. We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.

It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

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Hear about the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his beautiful young wife? He fired them.

Score: 93

New Beautiful Jokes

What do they call beautiful women in England? Tourists

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I saw a beautiful woman at the market today, but the skirt she wore kept reminding me of my mother Must've been a Freudian slip

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3 guys in camping in one tent The guy on the left dreamed a beautiful blond was giving him a handjob. The guy on the right dreamed a georgous redhead was giving him a handjob. The guy in the middle dreamt he was skiing.

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I was staying in a crappy motel. In the middle of the night a beautiful woman woke me up by pounding on the door and begging me to open it. I felt so bad... ... that I decided to let her out.

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One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison. I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.

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Today I saw the most beautiful Jewish girl in my life She Israeli preety.

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Do you know how to make 5 pounds of fat look beautiful? Put a nipple on it.

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-Son, remember that in many ways, life is like a display of fireworks on a clear winter night. -Beautiful?

-Nope. A pure loss, but fun none the less!

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I really appreciate all the fan mail you beautiful women have been writing me. Now go ahead and send them.

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An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, "So, do I come here often?"

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I was sitting in a restaurant when... A beautiful girl approached me and asked if I was single.

"Yes", I replied and she happily took the chair.

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A baby's laughter can be the most beautiful sound you will ever hear... Unless it's 3am

And you're home alone

And you don't have a baby...

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Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But the date can. 3/10

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Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on the beach That explains the footprints in my cat's litter box

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A man meets a girl in a bar The man says to the girl "every time you smile it makes me want to take you home"

The girl replies "Your words are beautiful, are you a poet?"

The man replies "No I am a dentist"

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Who's the most beautiful girl in the world who never managed to have children? Miss Carriage

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Dinner Date Fail... Had a date with a beautiful woman last night, but she abruptly stormed off when I informed our server that he had given me her peas.

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I was mugged by a thief last night on my way home.... Pointing a knife at me.... He asked me "your money or your life!"....

I told him I was married.... So, I have no money and no life....

We hugged and cried together
It was a beautiful moment....
😁😀😃

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Why do women have to be beautiful and stupid? They're beautiful so men will like them

But they're stupid so they'll like men

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I was mugged last night by a thief on the way home Pointing a knife at me, he said
"Your money or your life"

I told him I was married so I have no money & no life

We hugged & cried together...

It was a beautiful moment

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A solar eclipse is like watching a woman breastfeed in public It's beautiful, it's free, but under no circumstances should you look at it.

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They were so round, big, and beautiful - I just had to touch them! And then she said, "OW! My eyes!"

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A woman asks her husband: Woman: Honey, what if someone on the street tried to hit on me and said: "Hey beautiful."?

Husband: Help him cross the road! He must be blind!

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I have the body of a beautiful 25 year old Let me show you. It's in my refrigerator

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A hunter was walking through the forrest..... When he comes across a beautiful naked women, she smiles seductively and says "Im Game big boy"!

So he shot her.

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You aren't going to guess who is the most beautiful person in the world Read the first two words.

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A few hundred years ago, Mozart was composing beautiful music But for a while now, hes only been de-composing.

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My friend asked what me what I hated the most on a beautiful girl. Me: The ring on her finger.

My friend: What's next?

Me: The ring on my finger...

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I hope y'all have a beautiful morning wood

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I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig. It's not a beautiful poem but it's pretty deep.

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OK guys we need stop the FAT-shaming All filesystems are beautiful

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Words can't describe how beautiful you are So I will use numbers, 5/10

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My floors I really appreciate beautiful Travertine floors.

A lot of other people, however, take them for granite.

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Five years ago today, I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

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I started seeing this incredibly beautiful girl. But then my psychiatrist readjusted my meds.

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Did you hear of the man who drank a can of varnish? It was a sad end, but a beautiful finish.

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A poem I dig...

You dig...

We dig...

He dig...

She dig...

They dig...

Now, it's not very beautiful, but it is quite deep

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A man told his wife that he dreamt of a beautiful woman... His wife asks: "Was she alone in your dream?"

"Yes, she was. How did you know?" - The husband replies

The wife says: "Because her husband was in my dream"

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My dad burnt this beautiful slab of meat last night... He made a terrible missteak.

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Getting Dad-zoned Seeing a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar, a man walks up to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?"
"Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasn't even born."

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Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science? Because they're all 0's and 1's

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A guy narrates of his incredible tale to a friend "I came across this beautiful woman. She was tied to the railroad tracks. I freed her and we made passionate love. Her body was smoking hot!"

"How was the face?" his friend asked.

"Oh I didn't find the head."

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Next time someone complains about millennials Remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

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I once made a man cry just by singing He thought my rendition of "your wife is dead haha" was beautiful

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Every girl is beautiful. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

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My wedding was beautiful! Even the cake was in tiers!

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You have beautiful hair too bad it grows out of your nose.

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I saw graffiti in a bathroom that said: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I DID YOUR DAD!" Underneath someone replied:

"Go home mom. You're drunk."

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A man walked up to his girlfriend He said, "babe, I'm going to use all the letters from A to K to compliment you.

"You are Alluring, Beautiful, Cute, Dainty, Elegant, Fair, Gorgeous, Hot..."

He then pauses for a second.

"Why did you stop?" She asks.

"I'm Just Kidding.".

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A gorgeous blonde is stranded on an island... Two cannibals, father and son, find her.
The son says to the father: Wow dad! She is beautiful! Are we going to eat her?
To which the father replies: No son. Don't be silly, we're keeping her. We're eating your mother.

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The first time out with my metal detector I found a beautiful wedding ring!! But the bride was still wearing it, so the police came and now they won't give it back.

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Air Hostess with a tag. Air Hostess had name tag on her chest, naming her Mia.

Guy: Beautiful name.

Air hostess: Thanks.

Guy: Didn't you name the other one?

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Words can't express how beautiful you are. But numbers can.

4/10

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Some people say I have a very short attention spanish is a very beautiful language.

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A black guy with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow! That is beautiful! Where did you get it?" The parrot responded, saying, "there are millions of them running around in Africa."

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Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But, numbers can. 4/10

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If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget... That's because elephants never forget.

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After a night of drinking, John walks into a metal bar The music was great and he hooks up with a beautiful blonde.

He awakes at the hospital with a mild concussion.

Score: 21

5 Years ago I asked a beautiful girl on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

Score: 4

A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor... After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"

Score: 12