Hilarious Bill Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Bill Jokes

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.

Score: 24965

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGate.

Score: 21757

Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar... I don’t remember the rest.

Score: 21665

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore. So I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

Score: 13265

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

Score: 10369

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction And name it "Elon-Gate"

Score: 10334

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Score: 5232

Score: 3627

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Score: 3270

Why did Bill Barr gas protestors? So the chicken could cross the road

Score: 2402

Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10

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Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.

Score: 1902

I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill... They can finally legally own a black person again.

Score: 1783

Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed" Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.

Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.

Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

Score: 1680

My friend can't afford his water bill... So I sent him a "Get well soon" card.

Score: 1677

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition that he gets to install windows.

Score: 1111

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Score: 932

Bill Cosby is going to have a new show Women Say the Darndest Things

Score: 689

Mommy! I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cus it was fake. "Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had two zeroes instead of one."

Score: 616

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night The bill was huge!

Score: 598

If Reese Witherspoon married Bill Withers ...she'd have to give up the poon.

Score: 564

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake. "Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

Score: 518

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is I told him, "My door is always open".

Score: 507

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark. But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

Score: 433

My girlfriend started reading Bill Cosby's biography... But it put her to sleep.

Score: 406

Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica

Score: 387

"You look like a million bucks", said Bill Gates disappointedly to his wife.

Score: 385

How does a girl greet Bill Cosby on their 2nd date? "Nice to meet you"

Score: 316

I waved the waitress over to our table. I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"

She said, "Absolutely."

I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."

Score: 291

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

Score: 259

I went as a congressional bill for Halloween.... I stayed in the House and didn't do anything.

Score: 239

So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill. Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

Score: 232

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.

Score: 232

I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill... These are the darkest days of my life...

Score: 229

Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

Score: 215

A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

Score: 181

What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.

Score: 171

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers

Score: 126

I’m dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween. I won’t be leaving the house.

(Heard this on the podcast “Fake the Nation” and thought you all would like it.)

Score: 124

I played doctor with my girlfriend She stayed over for the weekend and I sent her a bill for $200,000

Score: 110

I’m in so much debt, I can’t afford to pay my electric bill. These are the darkest days of my life.

Score: 109

New Bill Jokes

John and Bill are having a conversation. John says I've got a joke.

Bill replies ok what is it.

John: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Bill: Nacho cheese.

John: Aww, how did you know?

Bill: Because it's Nacho joke.

Score: 42

A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful. The vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

Score: 6

My friend could not afford to pay his water bill.. So, I sent him a "get well soon" card..

Score: 8

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small sword Ones a little rapier

Score: 9

A black guy and a white guy each drink 3 beers at a bar, who pays the bill? They each pay for their own because men aren’t complicated

Score: 54

A musician died while smoking weed from a dollar bill... At least he went out on a high note

Score: 23

I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!

Score: 42

What's 6 inches long , 2 inches wide and it drives the ladies wild? Yup, you guessed it a 100 bill

Score: 47

Why did the bill collector go after the gymnast? Because he had outstanding balance

Score: 6

Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring." Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

Score: 13

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving? He won't inhale.

Score: 13

When is Bill Nye called just Bill? When you de-Nye him.

Score: 7

Bill Gates recently visited a kindergarten and taught the children how to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Score: 41

I forgot to pay the bill for my exorsist Now I've been re-possessed.

Score: 46

With great power comes great electricity bill!

Score: 14

A cowboy walks into a bar. He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three testicles and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".

Score: 14

What do you call a man that looks like a receipt? Bill.

Score: 8

"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks" "And he did?"

"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill"

Score: 17

How did the church save money on their electric bill? They switched to souler power from the son.

Score: 8

"Why don't you play checkers with Bill anymore?" "Would you play with a person who cheats and moves his men around when you are not looking?"
"No."
"Well, neither would Bill."

Score: 21

My electricity bill was running suspiciously high Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

Score: 56

My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers. She says so every time it's on the radio. I reply "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

Score: 19

What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're asleep.

Score: 11

Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high? He was always Roman.

I'm sorry.

Score: 17

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

Score: 20

Why did the toucan stop using his phone? He got a large bill

Score: 11

Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he can install windows.

Score: 12

Wife: Why did you spend a hundred dollars on a boardgame you've only played once? Me: *quietly checks the wedding bill*

Score: 8

Got anything smaller? I was at the store today and handed the clerk a $20 bill.

He handed it back and asked if I had anything smaller.

So I folded the $20 bill in half and handed it back to him.

Score: 9

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? To keep his ankles warm.

Score: 9

Hi I'm Bill Gates! Today we're gonna learn how to count to 10. 1.01,1.02, 1.03, 1.04, 2.03, 2.10, 2.11, 3, 3.1, 3.2, 95, 98, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.

Score: 75

United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

Score: 36

Apparently there is bipartisan approval for a bill to legalize marijuana for arthritis treatment. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 8

Bill Gates has a net worth of $86.9 billion To get an estimate of how big that is, take your net worth and atdd $86.9 billion onto it

Score: 62

Bill O'Reilly not returning to Fox You can't explain that

Score: 8

What's the difference between Jews and the GOP? Jews always pass the bill.

Score: 9

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common? They only come if you're sleeping.

Score: 58

Two Jewish duck hunters make a kill on the same waterfowl But who takes the bill?

Score: 6

Bill Gates wakes up one morning, hungover, after a late night soirée at the foundation. Melinda looks at him and says, "Wow, Bill, you don't look so good."

Bill replies, "Yeah I know, I feel like a million bucks..."

Score: 85

It turns out that Bill Cosby was actually drugging his dates' desserts, not their drinks. The proof is in the pudding.

Score: 22

The problem with Bill Clinton Is that he never learned harass was one word.

Score: 23

I ate pelican today Never again. The bill was massive.

Score: 18

Say what you want about Bill Clinton's Presidency... But he was always hard at work.

Score: 20

What does Bill Cosby have in common with Santa? They both come while you sleep

Score: 25

Your mama is so ugly that when she met Bill Cosby he made her espresso.

Score: 13

A Buddhist buys a hotdog and gives the vendor a $20 bill.. He takes a bite and then says "wheres my change?"

The vendor replies "change only comes from within"

Score: 99

What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common? They were both ruined by weiners.

Score: 19

This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby. When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.

Score: 52

Did you know the oval office is full of money? There's a wad of bill's under the desk

Score: 5

Hillary Clinton doesn't suck! Just ask Bill

Score: 11

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? Both say Please insert Bill.

Score: 32

Did you know George Washington is not on the 1$ bill? It's just a picture of him.

Score: 8

Why did Bill Clinton say NO to testosterone meds? He was afraid of ending up like Hillary.

Score: 5

With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most... He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.

Score: 13

Who is the only man to record more knock outs than Mike Tyson? Bill Cosby

Score: 26

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

Score: 16

What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated

Score: 64

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill.

Score: 87

My girlfriend and I tried playing doctor... She stayed over the weekend and I sent her a bill for $180,000.

Score: 104

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Score: 18