Hilarious Blood Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Blood Jokes

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

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I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"

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Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.” Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

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My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

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I tried to donate blood today... NEVER AGAIN! So many questions,

Who's blood is that?
How did you get it?
Was the bucket even sanitized before you filled it with blood.

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A man was drinking the blood of a vampire... He said, "Hm, irony"

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What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

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I told the ambulance guys the wrong blood type for my ex Now she should understand what rejection feels like.

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The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks',
meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

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I was going to donate blood today but they ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this?", and "where did you get it?"

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I have bathed in the blood of virgins! I had a nosebleed in the shower.

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Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

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Human drinks a Vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like. "It's irony."

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My friend died when he couldn't remember his blood type He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'. And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.

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I discovered red crayons in my girlfriends nurse uniform. She said it's in case she has to draw blood.

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"Give blood, give blood, give blood" everyone says... And then they're all freaked out when they unwrap their presents.

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Whenever I’m sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says “B positive”.

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What's Autocorrect's blood type? typo negative

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Why do nurses bring a red crayon to work? In case they have to draw blood

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My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.

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TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O". I guess you can call it a typo.

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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

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I just farted so hard that blood came out of the person behind me.

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The last time I was somebody's type I was donating blood

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A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood. When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"

The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"

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What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common? Bad blood.

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What did the blood cell say before it died in an artery? I will not die in vein!

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I never misspell words. My blood is typo negative

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My only form of income is donating blood It's sucking the life out of me

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When I donate blood Me: "When I donate blood I do not need to extract it myself. A nurse does it for me."

Receptionist: "Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way!"

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You'd think glass would taste like rocks.. But it just tastes like blood.

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My therapist said that I should do whatever I find enjoyable and calming. Now there is blood everywhere.

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What do you call a traffic jam in Compton? A blood clot

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The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, urine, and stool. The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".

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Did you know? Type O Blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread and is now called Type “O” blood.

I guess you could call it a typo.

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The last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood.

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What kind of boat do vampires like? Blood vessels

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New Blood Jokes

I tried donating blood today. Never again!! Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?? Why is it in a bucket???

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For some reason, I like drinking water more than most people do. I guess it's just in my blood.

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Culling is to begin on hummanity based solely upon hiw common your blood is. Sorry for the type o's.

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My great uncle died in the hospital because they didn’t know his blood type He held my hand through it all and said “Be positive”

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My sister in law is a nurse and she always has a red pen with her. I asked her why and she laughed and said ...you never know when I may have to draw blood.

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My doctor has just diagnosed me as having low blood pressure. He’s given me a prescription for two Ikea self-assembly wardrobes.

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I just can't draw blood With this orange crayon.

It isn't sharp enough.

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What did Dracula name his new boat? The Blood Vessel

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My Doctors surgery called me today to tell me that the print out I received stating I have Blood Type A was incorrect. They say it was a Type O

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When the nurse declined his request... He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the sperm bank.

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Whelp! It’s that time of the month again. There is BLOOD everywhere... Ugggh...I hate flossing.

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Why is sperm donations are more valued than blood donations? Because they're hand-made

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A red blood cell was found stealing oxygen... They had to make a cardiac arrest.

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People with which blood type tend to misspell things? TypO

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I knitted a scarf after 4 days of blood sweat and tears out of floss only to find out it is just falling apart. Sorry, wrong thread.

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Mosquitos are like family... Annoying but they carry your blood.

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I just learned how to Draw Blood in Nursing school! It's real easy, you just need something that writes in red!

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What blood type does Taiwanese people have? Taipei.

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My father passed away last night because we couldn't remember his blood type... ...As he lay there dying he kept on insisting us to 'be positive', but it's really hard without him.

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Our dad died because we couldn't remember his blood type at the hospital. As he was dying, he kept insisting for us to "Be Positive!" - but it's so hard without him...

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A white supremacist gets tested for diseases So much for their "pure blood" claim, the only thing that came up negative was their IQ test.

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What does a diabetic's blood taste like? Sweet irony

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My dad died yesterday when no one remembered his blood type. He kept telling us to 'be positive' but it's hard without him.

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A msn walks into a hospital wanting to give blood. They weren't accepting typO's that day.

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A joke that has been circulating around for a while... Two blood cells fell in love, but it was all in vein.

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The doctor made a mistake during my blood transfusion. I was told I was a Type-A But that was a Type-O

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What blood type do optimists usually have? B positive

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Politics is self describing The word politics comes from poli- meaning many,

and -tics, meaning blood sucking parasites.

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A man sucked the blood of a vampire and he said.. Hmm, irony.

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I'm really good at blood tests Every time I take one I get an A+

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This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

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As the blood from your brain rushes down into your erection Everything in the middle gets stuck between a rock and a hard place

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I have bathed in the blood of virgins... Well, I had a nose bleed in the bath this morning.

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Why does the blonde nurse take a red pen to work? In case she has to draw blood.

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Never tell a scientist that his Blood Alcohol Content is a problem... He'll tell you it's a solution...

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A vampire walks into a blood bar with a big smile on his face.... The bartender looks at him confused and the vampire says, "Always B positive!"

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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%... ...unless you are donating blood.

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Three vampires walk into a bar. The first asks for a pint of blood.

The second asks for blood on the rocks.

The third asks for hot water and as the bartender is about to ask why the vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm just gonna have a tea."

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I got my blood drawn today The artist wasn't very good.

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I stuck my hand in my pocket and my pencil stabbed me Thankfully it didn't draw blood

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Why I'm always happy? It's in my blood.. My blood type is B-positive.

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Why Do You Get Paid More At The Sperm Bank Than At The Blood Bank? Sperm Is Handmade.

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A motivational speaker retired due to depression He discovered he had B Negative blood

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I told my friend a joke about my blood type... He said it was a little too negative.

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Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!

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I was afraid that I had stepped on my child's hamster this morning... ... but laughed when I double checked. I had just tripped on a little puddle of blood and fur.

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There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones, But alas it twas in vein.

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What do you call boiling period blood in a saucepot? Egg drop soup.

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I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it.

I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said "a little irony"

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What does a vampire drink while on a diet? Blood Light®.

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I've finally understood the meaning of "politics" It's derived from "poly", the Greek word for "many", and "tics", a blood sucking parasite.

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I recently found out my blood type is A+ However, in my tests I only get B or less. Doesn't success run in my blood?

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My Iguana My Iguana has been having trouble getting enough blood into his weenus; he has areptile dysfunction.

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When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.

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Women are like sharks, One drop of blood and they'll want to rip your head off.

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The doctor said I have Type A blood But it was a Type O

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Women are like the salt of my life They raise my blood pressure

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Empty brain A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?

B: It's because your feet aren't empty.

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My doctor told me I have type-a blood. Apparently it was a type-o!

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I don't know why women have a fascination with Twilight. The reason being, vampires and women are entirely different. One is a blood sucking monster that preys on the helpless and the other are vampires.

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