Hilarious Book Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Book Jokes

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

Score: 17941

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"

Score: 14619

Communism sounds good on paper... ...unless you’re reading a history book.

Score: 11086

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...

Score: 10353

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

Score: 5435

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography…

Score: 5376

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

I'm sick of people comparing Trump to Hitler. Hitler wrote his own book.

Score: 2760

Score: 2408

TIFU by sending my nudes to everyone in my address book Cost me a fortune in stamps

Score: 2342

I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 2308

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

Score: 2223

My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

Score: 2154

I'm writing a book called 'Stop Overreacting.' If no one buys it I'm going to kill myself.

Score: 2036

Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...

Score: 1998

Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"

Score: 1644

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?... Their knees.

(Not sure if this one translates well to english)

EDIT: Wow guys I didn't think you would like this joke that much. This was something I read on a book like 6 years ago. Thanks!

Score: 1643

My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure. So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.

Score: 1597

I just read Trump's book "The Art of the Deal" It had four Chapter 11's.

Score: 1593

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church

Edit: Thanks for Frontpage I will read thru all this when I get home and yeah I'm not an Atheist I'm a Christian

Score: 1588

Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Score: 1374

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years? The Church

Score: 1335

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1318

Yesterday, I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book... Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps...

Score: 1178

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

Score: 1157

I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

Score: 1101

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1025

I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down.

Score: 833

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

Score: 813

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? Church

Score: 789

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? A church.

Score: 534

I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women’s rights doesn’t belong in the fiction section.

Score: 504

My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.

Score: 326

Just read a book about Stockholm syndrome It started off badly, but by the end I really liked it.

Score: 318

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

Score: 316

A woman searches for something in the living room. After an hour, worried, she asks her husband:

- Have you seen my book?

- Which one?

- How to live to become 100 years old.

- Ah yes. Yesterday, i threw it away.

- But why?

- Your mother started reading it...

Score: 296

What do you call a book club that's stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church

Score: 240

I'm writing a book about WD-40. It's Non-Friction

Score: 198

Asked a librarian for that book on Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dogs today. Said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not

Score: 185

New Book Jokes

I got Stevie Wonder a cheese grater for his birthday He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

Score: 25

A man goes into the library... Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

Score: 66

Today I went to a book store and found: "the only book you'll ever need to buy". Volume 2

Score: 66

Trump is nothing like Hitler There's no way he could write a book.

Score: 93

I finally got round to reading that Stephen Hawking book the other day. It's about time.

Score: 36

I saw a book at the bookstore called "How to Solve 50% of your problem" So I bought two

Score: 25

My favourite thing to do is to walk into book stores and say “Hello! I'm looking for a book titled ‘How to deal with rejection without killing’.” “Do you have it?”

Score: 52

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for centuries? Church

Score: 36

I asked the librarian if they had the book about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog... She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 32

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn’t likable. It’s an autobiography.

Score: 25

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for centuries? Church.

Score: 21

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 50

Just finished a book about the Stockholm Syndrome I did not like it to start with but ended up really liking it

Score: 39

I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book. She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.

Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

Score: 21

Finally found my book of maps Atlast.

Score: 32

In space, every book is a good book You simply can't put it down.

Score: 121

They finally released the book about my favourite seasoning It's about thyme.

Score: 19

i asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction. She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"

i said "Yeah, that's the one!!"

Score: 67

A man walks into a library He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"

"yes that's the one"

Score: 41

A book falls on Sean Connery's head "Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"

Score: 111

I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss... I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...

Score: 67

I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking. It was about time.

Score: 112

I recently wrote a book about poltergeists and I'm pleased to say it is flying off the shelves.

Score: 60

What's a difference between a crusade and a homicide In one, you murder for a book and in other you are booked for a murder.

Score: 61

A good book is like a puppy Easy to pick up, hard to put down

Score: 24

I just finished a book about the berserkers... apparently they used to be all the rage.

Score: 22

What is a drunk Mexican's favourite book? Tequila Mockingbird.

Score: 96

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome... ... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

Score: 21

I wrote a book about famous pianists It covers all the key players

Score: 29

They say Kim-Jong Un has read every book. That must be why they call him the supreme reader.

Score: 37

I went to a library and asked for a book on pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat The librarian said,"That rings a bell, but I'm not sure whether it is here or not."

Score: 137

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity right now. It's impossible to put down.

Score: 34

A man walks into the library Man:Do you have the new book on small penises?
Librarian: Sorry, I don't think it's in yet
Man: yeah that's the one

Score: 22

What book does every Mexican student read in school? Tequila Mockingbird.

Score: 45

They made a book about my dad It's called The Invisible Man

Score: 67

What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth? Addictionary

Score: 58

I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off". Best $600 I have ever spent!

Score: 40

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?... ...I can only blame myshelf.

Score: 56

Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk. Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.

Man: Hi, I'd like to book a triplex for the weekend.

Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.

Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.

Yoda: There is no tri, only du.

Score: 71

If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen... Is it a biography or an autobiography?

Score: 54

A man walks into the library... And asks the librarian if they have the book for guys with small penises.

"I don't think it's in yet..."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Score: 114

Yesterday, my grandpa bought a book called "how to prevent Alzheimer's disease" He bought one today, too.

Score: 26

Did you know that Kim Jong Un has read every book in existance? Thats why they call him the Supreme Reader

Score: 30

I went to the public library yesterday looking for that one book about Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 32

Book, you look so much thinner! I know! I had my appendix removed!

Score: 19

What's an Ethiopian's favorite book? "My Life And Other Short Stories"

Score: 62

My girlfriend and I were moving each others comic book collection and now we both have to see a chiropractor. Because we both have back issues.

Score: 20

Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read

EDIT: Thanks for the gild you lovely person.

Score: 47

A book fell on my head a moment ago... I can only blame my shelf.

Score: 63

I got kicked out of the library today I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

Score: 84

Who Is Jay Gatsby's Favorite Comic Book Character? Deadpool.

Score: 41

I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it

Score: 115

A man goes to the library and asks for a book about suicide. The librarian stares at him for a while and then asks "But who is going to bring it back?"

Score: 41

Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space. It's about time, too.

Score: 113

A Blonde Walks into a Library A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.

She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"

The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

Score: 117

I'm reading a book about soil The plot thickens

Score: 31

Blind friend and a cheese grater I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Score: 90

Just finished reading a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at the start but by the end I liked it.

Score: 39

I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography

Score: 36

I bought a book on capitalism... but then returned it because some of the letters were in lower-case.

Score: 39