Hilarious Broke Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Broke Jokes

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again. Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

Score: 25751

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back

Score: 19546

What did Mario say to Peach when they broke up? It's not you, it's a me a Mario!

Score: 11706

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting. She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Score: 10928

Why did Elon Musk go broke? Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

Score: 10140

I dated a girl in a wheelchair She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

Score: 8882

I broke two of my dads Queen records... Now I want to break three.

Score: 8029

Score: 7594

My girlfriend and I broke up today Her: "I just need time."

Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."

Her: "And distance, as well."

Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"

Her: "Go ahead."

Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

Score: 7186

My girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back to me.

Score: 3970

My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

Score: 2661

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.

Score: 2358

I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine.

Score: 2005

When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!

Edit: wow, this is my highest rated post. Finally broke the 1000 karma barrier thank you all

Score: 1842

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Score: 1637

Broke up with my girlfriend today It's cool though, she said we can still be cousins.

Score: 1560

My girlfriend admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

Score: 1342

If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.

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My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is... ...how to win her back.

Score: 1164

Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god... ...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.

Score: 1012

Yo mama so fat... I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

Score: 952

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick.. How low can you get?

Score: 828

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much... What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Score: 820

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.

Score: 781

I broke up with a Japanese girl last week... It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

Score: 746

My telescope broke the other day and I was hoping the local observatory could repair it They said they’d look into it.

Score: 742

Someone broke into my apartment last night and stole my limbo stick. How low can you go?

Score: 722

My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan

Score: 689

I broke one of my fingers at work today. On the other hand, everything is OK.

Score: 685

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out.

Score: 656

What happened when the escalator broke down? Everyone stopped and staired! 🥁

Score: 642

I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

Score: 411

I waved the waitress over to our table. I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"

She said, "Absolutely."

I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."

Score: 291

How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They shoot the room for being black and beat up the bulb for being broke.

Score: 278

So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool. I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".

Score: 244

My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too mysterious Or did she?

Score: 240

My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.

Score: 207

My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.

I quite liked her dad…

Score: 194

I told my doctor that I broke my arms in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

Score: 194

If someone broke into my house and stole all the lights... I'd be absolutely delighted

Score: 187

New Broke Jokes

My wife found out I was cheating and broke up with me I didn't know Monopoly was such a big deal for her.

Score: 40

Did you hear about the old woman named able? Every time someone insulted her, she broke their legs.

Thats how everyone learned not to diss able

Score: 12

I almost got to see Elvis once. But my shovel broke.

Score: 32

I really hate being a comedian so I broke my legs Guess who’s not doing stand up comedy

Score: 13

What happened to the semi colon who broke the law? He got given two consecutive sentences

Score: 21

Did you hear about the family that was so poor... ...that a burglar broke into their home and all he got was practice?

Score: 15

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair I knew she'd come crawling back.

Score: 11

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend. She was seeing other people on the side.

Score: 90

When Oxygen and Potassium were dating, it was all OK. But when they broke up and I saw Oxygen with Magnesium, I was like "OMg!"

Score: 32

I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday **She said:** You'll never find someone like me.

**I said:** That's the point.

Score: 148

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail? It broke mid-sentence.

Score: 27

[OC] A notoriously bad stage actor died recently. The vehicle carrying his casket broke down on the way to the funeral, allowing his critics, for one last time, to state that he needed to rehearse.

Score: 64

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

Score: 12

My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions. I told her, correlation is not causation.

Score: 19

My girlfriend broke up with me because she knew I was cheating. Never should've dated a teacher in the first place.

Score: 11

Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats? It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.

Score: 109

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo trophy. Urgh, how low can you get.

Score: 23

Why can't a broke man do acrobatics? His balance is terrible

Score: 19

A broke man goes to a famous lawyer... "I have no money but I can give you an original Picasso drawing"

"That sounds good! What are you accused of?"

"stealing a Picasso drawing."

Score: 48

My girlfriend broke up with me, saying I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We'll see about that...

Score: 78

I tried to explain to my boss that I couldn't come in to work because my imported Swedish car broke down. But he didn't want to hear my Saab story.

Score: 13

My cows broke out of their pasture, and started grazing in my marijuana field. The steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

Do you know how the blonde broke her arms? She fell out of the tree while she was raking leaves

Score: 69

My girlfriend broke up with me today. I asked her why, and she said, "Because you're obsessed with The Monkees." At first I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face.

Score: 43

An amputee broke into my house last night and tried to steal my stuff Luckily he was unarmed

Score: 12

I broke up with my gym We were not working out

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I used to date a Tennis player. When we broke up she told me my love meant nothing to her.

Score: 11

Your mother is so fat that she fell into deep depression and she broke it.

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Thieves broke into my house last night looking for money... I quickly got up and started looking with em!

Score: 119

Dating a hoarder I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I broke up with her, though. She was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 99

Trumps first few months in office have been pretty rough. His all-in-one printer broke down, so he's had to use some alternative fax.

Score: 45

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.

Score: 158

I broke a finger yesterday But on the other hand, I'm fine.

Score: 157

I hate it when people lie to me... Like one time I broke up with a girl who told me she had a bunch of Abandonment issues. I looked it up online and it's not even a real magazine.

So I just up and packed my things and left in the middle of the night.

Score: 15

My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park But in the end it doesn't even matter

Score: 116

She called me ugly, until she saw my personal savings. Now she calls me ugly and broke.

Score: 30

Can I touch it? There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

Score: 52

Someone broke into my house and stole all the lamps. I was delighted.

Score: 103

What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine? They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.

Score: 24

Why did the software developer go broke? He used up all his cache !

Score: 17

My girlfriend broke up with me for talking about video games too much... What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Score: 26

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. She said "she didn't see me enough", and I said, "well that's dumb, now you're never going to see me".

Score: 111

My girlfriend broke up with me on Twitter. I hope she tweets him better than she tweeted me.

Score: 12

My ex broke up with me My ex broke up with me because I , apparently , was too immature ...
I took a deep breath and calmed down.
Then I went to her house , rang the doorbell and ran away.

Score: 67

Husband: "I have good news and bad news" Wife: "Tell me the bad news first."

Husband: "The washing machine broke."

Wife: "And the good news?"

Husband: "The dogs are clean."

Score: 26

When my toaster broke, my wife left me. I guess she was lack toast intolerant

Score: 30

Someone broke into my local corner shop and stole 30 cases of Red Bull last night Honestly, I don't know how these people sleep at night

Score: 36

My girlfriend broke up with me for gaming too much... What a silly thing to Fallout 4.

Score: 39

I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth.. Now her friends call me ruthless.

EDIT: Got hacked. Password and emailed changed, this post was changed to something else for a brief period by the hacker.

Score: 68

A thief broke into my house, looking for money I got up and did the same thing.

Score: 43

What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless

Score: 16

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said.... ....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

Score: 131

Broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb twice before she got a hint.

Score: 31

A little girl and a little boy were sitting in a bathtub together.. The little girl looks down and asks, "can I touch it?" He answers, "NO WAY- YOU ALREADY BROKE YOURS OFF!"

Score: 87

I don't know why I broke up with the gym... ..I guess we just weren't working out.

Score: 18

I was in Florida recently to visit a good friend... and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit."

So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read...

"I hope this helps."

Score: 20

A customer's corn broke through her bag. I told her it was too husky. She stared at me blankly. Something must've been wrong with her ears.

Score: 22

Did you hear about the eskimo couple? One cold night, she broke it off!

Score: 33

So my boyfriend broke up with me because I reference Linkin Park too much. But in the end, it didn't even matter.

Score: 16