Hilarious Brother Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Brother Jokes

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

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So my twin brother called me from prison He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

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When I was little, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive.. It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

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A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips... "Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

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Its funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.

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As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive Luckily my older brother told me about it

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My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.

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My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying ‘here comes the train’, and we always used to eat it straight away Otherwise she wouldn’t untie us from the tracks

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Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand* Me: stop hitting yourself haha, why do you keep hitting yourself

Sister-in-law: ~crying~ is this why you wanted an open casket

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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

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Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

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I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room... ....and boy was he mad.

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Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.

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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius... ... but his brother Frank was a monster

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My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince... ...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

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I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

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Everyone knows Albert Einstein was a genius... but his brother, Frank, was a real monster.

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Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say... * If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.

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My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin....... I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."

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Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"

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A man always smoked two cigarettes at a time When people asked him why, he answered: i'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother in jail.

One day he was smoking only one, so people gladly asked "is your brother out of jail?"
He answered: "no, I quit"

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My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

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Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee Brocco Lee

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When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It’s a good thing my brother told me about it

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My brother didn't like jail My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

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My brother and I laugh at how Competitive we were as kids. But I laugh more.

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I told my dad to embrace his mistakes... I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.

He cried.

Then he hugged me and my brother.

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The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week. Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

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Never hit a man with eyeglasses Use your fist instead.

>Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.

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My brother just threw a milk carton at me How dairy.

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My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy

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My brother always gets mad when I mess with his red wine So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now he's sangria than ever...

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My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother’s surprise party. That’s when I realized he was her favourite twin.

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I told my dad embrace your mistakes. That's when my dad hugged me and my brother.

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My brother and I made a $50 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.

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What does a black man call a black lawyer? A brother in law

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My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall. I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

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I think it's interesting how people sleep differently I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town

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I've searched high and low for my brother's killer but nobody is willing to do it.

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New Brother Jokes

How do you call your brother if he has ecoli?? Broccoli

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I’ve performed CPR on a dummy before My brother was choking and I saved his life

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I have a rare symptom and the cure is to eat 2 handful of dirt each day Thankfully my brother told me

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Took my brother to the aquarium and threw him in the shark tank He came back out with a $500,000 investment

(I know this is absolutely not funny but it came to me in a dream)

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My brother just threw a glass of milk at me My brother just threw a glass of milk at me.

How dairy

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I vaccinated my brother a year ago, but it didn’t work... Still doesn’t have autism.

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Did Thor ever mention he had a brother? He was very low-key about it.

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My brother went down in history, On another occasion he fingered a girl in geography.

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Yesterday a girl I had a crush on for 3 years told me she sees me like a brother... Luckily she’s from Texas

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My 10 year old brother made a joke about my broken arm. I found it very humerus.

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The girl I liked said I was like a brother to her Lucky for me she likes game of thrones.

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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius... Did you know his brother Frank was a monster?

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what did the brother cell says to his sister cell when she stomp on his toe? mitosis

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I let my brother name my twins. He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.

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My brother just hit me with a milk carton How dairy

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I just found out that George Clooney's wife has a twin brother named Juan who looks exactly like her Some people say that once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

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My parents just told me they’d love another child. I said, “I’d love a little brother or sister!” They said, “That’s not what we meant.”

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My brother threw a milk carton at me today. How dairy!

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I fought with my brother about how he likes to kick ice under the refrigerator, but we're cool now. It's all water under the fridge

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If a young lady fell into a well why couldn't her brother help her out? Because how could he be a brother and assist her too?

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My worthless brother just lives off the government... I told him not to become mayor

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Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein

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When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
(Credit goes to my brother)

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My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"

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What did the statue say when he met his long lost statue brother? He said, "Hey, is-statue?!"

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I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He teared up and hugged me and my brother.

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So I was teaching my brother English... I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

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Some life advice. My parents always gave the best advice "Sometimes we can't fix what is broken, sometimes it's better to make something new"
So they had my little brother.

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My brother threw a milk carton at me! How dairy!

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My crush said I'm like a brother to her Lucky she likes game of thrones

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My brother recently got a pocket protector All of his friends laughed at it, but I was amazed. It's such a bargain, because not only does it protect the content of your pockets, but it also protects your virginity.

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Why were the Middle Ages called the dark ages? Knights for dayz

(My nearly 11 kid brother made this up, he's well on his way to being a dad ...)

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My Brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.

We never played Monopoly again.

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Women's Guide To Understanding Men If a guy says to you, "You're cute" - he's looking at your face.

If a guy says to you, "You're hot" - he's looking at your body.

If a guy says to you, "You're fabulous" - he's looking at your brother.

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I asked this girl out and she said "but you're like my brother." So I replied: "are you saying you're into incest?"

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If patricide is killing your father, matricide is killing your mother, and fratricide is killing your brother... Is pesticide killing your sister?

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"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?" "Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"

"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".

"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"

"You're welcome, Lana".

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chau-Chou. But I think it's Colin.

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What did the cell brother say to his cell sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis

EDIT: Sorry for the crappy pun, but at least it wasn't one about eggs. I don't tell those types of yolks. Sorry I just really crack myself up.

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When I was a little girl, I had a unique medical condition that required me to eat play-doh three times a day to survive. I was very lucky that my older brother informed me about it and made sure I did it, or I might not be here today.

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What do you call a virgin redneck? A six year old that runs faster than her brother

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Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend? Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

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My friend was super excited when his girlfriend said "You're like a brother to me!" Then I remembered, they're from the south.

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I asked my brother if he could help me think of a synonym for "pamphlet." "Ya bro sure!"

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My brother lost both his left arm and leg in a car crash.. He's all right now.

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I told my brother in law, David, to name his son Harley that way I can introduce him as Harley, David's son.

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"I hate one-upmanship," said my brother. "Yeah. Well, I hate it more," I replied.

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So Thor threw a really small surprise party for his Adopted Brother's birthday. It was Loki

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Why didn't Kim Jong Un cry when he heard his half brother, Kim Jong Nam, had been killed? Because the news was unbereaveable.

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A young boy asked his mother, "Mom, when was the last time you and dad make a love?"
Mom answered,
"I don't know honey, how old is your older brother?"

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The School Janitor Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.

Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?

Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.

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You know, Frieza was a pretty cool villain… …but his brother was Cooler.

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I asked the bus driver I asked my bus driver if she would let me and my brother, Jack, off at the next stop.

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Albert Einstein was a genius... But his brother Frank was a monster.

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I got my little brother a Cisformer for his birthday It's like a transformer, but it starts out as a car and stays that way

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I told my dad that I don't like being a single child. "I want a brother!" I said.

He said, "Having a child is a long process, your mother and I don't need that right now."

"Maybe you should consider adoption?" I asked.

He said, "No, we're not doing that again."

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Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work

8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

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A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

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A jewish girl asks her dad for 40 dollars her dad looks at her and says"30 DOLLARS??!!?!, what do you need 20 dollars for? here's a ten, go split it with your brother"

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So a Jewish boy walks up to his father... a Jewish boy walks up to his father and asks him for $5.

His father responds: "$4? What do you need $3 for? Here's $2, split it with your brother."

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