Christmas Tree Jokes

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Funniest Christmas Tree Jokes

Funny Christmas Tree Jokes
Score: 284

I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself. I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"

Score: 281

Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids... ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.

Score: 156

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree The guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."

Score: 103

I was buying a Christmas tree the guy said "are you going to put it up yourself" I said "no it's going in the living room"

Score: 98

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?" The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living
room!"

Score: 60

When I told my mother I wanted to put the Christmas tree up myself... she suggested that I should put it up in the living room instead.

Score: 49

Totally sick of idiots letting fireworks off early, it’s still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!

Score: 45

My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.

Score: 44

I went to buy a Christmas tree. The guy said, "Are you gonna put it up yourself?"

I said, "No, I was thinking the living room."

Score: 42

two blondes in a forest In December, two blondes in a forest are looking for a Christmas tree. They go all around the forest for hours. Then one of them says:
"I am very tired and I am fed up with the searching - let's take some tree without the decoration."

Score: 37

What do Millenials and Christmas Trees have in common? They used to thrive, but now they're dead inside.

Score: 34

I just bought a Christmas tree and my buddy asked, "Are you going to put that up yourself?" I replied, "No, I was thinking the living room."

Score: 33

A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree... ... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

Score: 26

A father was decorating the Christmas tree with his son. The boy says: "Dad can't we use tinsel like everyone else? This is really uncomfortable."

Score: 25

A man buys a Christmas tree. As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says, "Are you putting the tree up yourself?"

The man replies, "Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

Score: 21

I like my women how I like my Christmas trees. Illegally taken in the forest.

Score: 20

A man was picking out a Christmas tree A man was picking out a Christmas tree.

When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"

The man replies, "Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

Score: 20

I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop... The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"

I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

Score: 17

went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

Score: 15

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree... The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."

Score: 12

Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison? Treeson.

Score: 12

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple

Score: 11

My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store The man behind the counter said "are you going to put it up yourself?" Mom says "no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"

Score: 9

What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.

Score: 9

I went to shop to buy a Christmas tree. The man in the shop asked if I'll put it up myself.

I said that I'll actually put it in the living room.

Score: 6

It only took me 20 minutes to get the Christmas tree up this year. It took doctors 6 hours to get it back out again.

Score: 5

Two rednecks, Joe and Bubba went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Bubba finally said, "Joe, I'm takin the next tree we come to, wether it has lights on it or not!"

Score: 4

When I went shopping for a christmas tree last year... ... the guy asked "are you gonna put it up yourself?" and I said "no, I was thinking the livingroom"

Score: 4

It only took me 20 minutes to get the Christmas tree up this year. Took doctors 4 hours to get it back out again.

Score: 4

What is bigger than a Christmas tree? Christmas Four

Score: 4

Thanks to the idiots who set off fireworks last night. It's only October! You scared my dogs so much that they knocked over my Christmas tree!

Score: 4

What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree? a porcupine

Score: 3

Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree? Because people kept shouting "moron" at him.

Score: 2

What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree? He farted a cracker.

Score: 2

Christmas Dad Last Christmas we bought an artificial Christmas Tree. The guy at the counter asked my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?" To which he responded "Don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."

Score: 2

I put an old Christmas tree in the fire the other night It ended up looking like a menorah while burning

Score: 1

What did the Christmas tree say to the snowman? Christmas trees don't talk.

Score: 1

My wife wanted a Christmas tree in every room But I said no way that's overkill. So we compromised and now there's a Christmas tree in every room.

Score: 1

What do you call a Bruce Springsteen ornament on a christmas tree? Spruce springsteen

Score: 1

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New Christmas Tree Jokes

How can you tell the age of a fake Christmas tree? By the tape rings on the box!

Score: 0

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