Cleaning Jokes

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in "Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class! Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.

-- Did he say where he got it?

-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.


The father, cleaning his tears:

-- Did he really say that?

I want a job cleaning mirrors.... It's just something I could really see myself doing.

My dad wanted me to let you know he’s cleaning a window. He just wanted to make it clear.

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line. Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

Cleaning mirrors for a living might not pay much But it's definitely something I could see myself doing

I told a girl she looks better without glasses Girl: "But I don't ever wear glasses"

Me (while cleaning my glasses): "But I do"

I've decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning It's just something I can see myself doing.

Dry Cleaning Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."

What if tide pods.. Are just cleaning up people who should have been stains in the first place?

I've always wanted a job cleaning mirrors... It's just something I can see myself doing.

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I can see myself doing.

I want a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I could see myself doing.

The cleaning lady at work asked if I wanted to smoke a J with her I declined because I'm not interested in high maintenance women

A mother cleaning her 12 year old's bedroom A mum is cleaning her 12year old son's bedroom and finds a load of bondage gears and fetish magazines.

She asks her husband, "What do I do?"

He says, "I'm not sure, but whatever you do, don't spank him!"

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing.

THE 5 Secrets to a perfect marriage 1. Have a wife who is a great Cook
2. Have a wife who is great at cleaning
3. Have a wife who is a monster in bed
4. Have a wife who is great with your kids.
5. Make sure those 4 women NEVER MEET.

I'd like a job cleaning mirrors Because it's something I can see myself doing

Trump was cleaning his gun in Trump Tower... Kellyanne Conway walks in and asks,

Kellyanne: "Why do you have a gun?"

Trump: "Obama Spy Drones"

Kellyanne: \*laughs\*

Trump: \*laughs\*

Microwave: \*laughs\*

Trump shoots the Microwave.

A wife is good for seventy things, cleaning, and 69.

Got a job cleaning up leaves. I was raking it in.

My dad finally got a job, and he has over a 1,000 people under him. He’s cleaning headstones at the cemetery.

I want to get a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I could see myself doing

post-graduate plans My college counselor asked me what my post-graduate plans were, and I told her I was interested in cleaning mirrors. When she asked why, I just shrugged and told her it was a job I could see myself doing.

I saw a black man running down the street with a TV I was concerned that it was mine so I quickly drove home, as I got home I was relieved to see that mine was cleaning my shoes on the front porch

I'm trying to find a job cleaning mirrors It's something I could really see myself doing

What do you call a goat that likes cleaning? A roomba-a-aa-aa.


(you have to make a goat sound when saying it)

What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton? Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning

Got offered a job today Its with a company that specialises in cleaning mirrors. Great pay and something I can really see my self doing.

Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school. This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."

My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist... Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.

[Slinky] When should you wash a stinky slinky? During spring cleaning

What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave? Then her name would be mozarella.

Why haven't we sent a woman to the moon? It doesn't need cleaning

I would love a job cleaning mirrors It is just something I could really see myself doing.

My grandpa always told me that cooking and cleaning was a woman's job, so I was surprised when he confessed he does his own laundry... I guess he's really passionate about separating whites from coloreds.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of cleaning up his act? He changed his mind and decided to stick it out another year.

My wife just had the best Mothers Day EVER. She had all three meals served to her in bed, people waited on her hand and foot, and she didn't do any cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the kids. Of course, she's in the hospital :(

What do a ps4 and a middle school student have in commen? Both getting turned on in the process of cleaning