Hilarious Clock Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Clock Jokes

Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.

Score: 6398

6:30 is the best time on a clock... ...hands down.

Score: 2483

Score: 2247

Hickory Dickory Dock Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got through with only minor injuries.

Edit: First front page post! Thanks all!

Score: 1045

Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.

Score: 850

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's time consuming.

Score: 755

In my community we have a neighborhood watch, It's actually more like a clock tower.

Score: 703

I can't believe that they fired me from the clock making factory! After all the extra hours I put into it!

Score: 354

I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'.

Score: 261

I'd say 6:30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down.

Score: 254

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.

EDIT: Also, I don't want my time to go to waist.
Courtesy of /u/Carter127

Score: 217

What did the hungry clock do? It went back four seconds.

Score: 198

I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock.... I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.

I'm here all day..

Score: 160

Why should you never eat a clock? It's too time consuming

Score: 152

I’ve just been fired from my job at the clock-making factory… ...must have been all those extra hours I've been putting in.

Score: 150

My grandfather handed me an antique clock, but it was missing its minute hand and hour hand I guess that's what happens when you get a second hand clock

Score: 145

So I got fired from the clock factory yesterday Apparently I wasn’t putting in enough hours

Score: 141

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside.

Score: 137

What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went "tick tick tick"? "Vee haf vays to make you tock"

Score: 133

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

Score: 126

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

Score: 110

On an analog clock, 6:30 is the best time of day... Hands down

Score: 98

You're the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I only go to work and become a better person because of you. You make me workout on weekends and get in shape. And I try to turn you on every night. I love you, alarm clock.

Score: 98

What does a hungry clock do? He goes back four seconds.

Score: 95

Why don't you ever buy a woman a watch? Because there's a clock on the stove.

Score: 93

You ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Score: 92

I chopped the clock in half. It was a split second decision.

Score: 90

I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too.

Score: 89

6:30 is the best time on the clock. Hands down.

Score: 86

I tried eating a clock once It was time consuming.

Score: 83

Ancient Egyptians invented the 24 hour clock. They didn't know what to call it, so they just called it a day.

Score: 37

What's the hardest part about eating a clock? It's time consuming.

Score: 32

The clock hits 9:11 twice everyday One for each tower

Score: 22

What's a dentist's favorite time of the day? Five o'clock, because he hates his job and lives for the weekend.

Score: 21

What does a clock do when it's hungry? Goes back 4 seconds

Score: 18

A man walks up to a German clock maker The man tells him, "My clock just goes tik, tik, tik, it never goes tok!"

The German clock maker holds a flashlight up to the clock and yells "VE HAVE VAYS OF MAKING YOU TOK!"

Score: 16

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? I hear it's very time consuming.

Score: 16

A Simple Guide to Cake Consumption If it's 1 o'clock and you're not hungry enough to eat the whole cake, eat half of it now and the other half in an hour. You can halve your cake and eat at 2.

Score: 13

an employee asked me if they could clock out i replied "you can clock out anytime you like, but you can never leave!"

Score: 12

Did you hear abut the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.

Score: 12

New Clock Jokes

A boy asks his dad “What is that fast moving hand on the clock called?” His dad answers, “Why, it’s called the second hand”

The boy then asks, “Okay, but what’s it called?”

Score: 1

Ordered a clock on Amazon Wife started crying because when the package arrived, I told her “my time has come.”

Score: 0

Look im a sun clock! Ewww pull your pants up!

Score: 0

Try this one trick to last longer in bed! Throw out your alarm clock.

Score: 4

What’s the difference between England and a Clock? A clock doesn’t stop after the hour mark.

Score: 3

My grandad walked into the room with his tackle out, smothered in boot polish. Bless him, he misheard when we told him to turn his clock back.

Score: 3

What did the Clock say to Moses when he told him he'd be back in 100 years? Time waits for Nomad

Score: 2

What does the guitarist of the Black Keys do on Daylight Savings time? He sets his clock an Auerbach.

Score: 1

Did you hear about the snail who robbed a clock shop? He took a lot of time.

Score: 1

TIL that a man once ate an entire clock, one small piece at a time. It was time consuming.

Score: 6

Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.

Score: 3

I ate a clock yesterday. It was time consuming.

Score: 2

What happened when the dog swallowed a clock? It got ticks.

Score: 8

If a grandfather clock gets alzheimers does it forget what time it is?

Score: 1

What's happened if you've run out of time and have had to get home before meeting your date? You've been clock blocked.

Score: 3

What time is it when a clock gives 13 chimes? Time to get a new one

Score: 2

Why should you not buy women watches? Because there’s a clock on the stove.

Score: 2

A Riddle Why did the clock go back 4 seconds?

It was hungry.

Score: 4

I was arrested for stealing a clock It's okay, I have the time

Score: 5

This weekend I bought a belt buckle that was also a functional face clock... I threw it out. It was a waist of time.

Score: 3

I don't understand why people are so mad about football players taking a knee Its a solid strategy for running out the clock in the 4th quarter.

Score: 5

I can’t bring myself to get rid of my broken grandfather clock... It’s such a timeless piece.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the guy that robbed the clock store overnight? He surely took his time.

Score: 2

What do you call an alarm that's been muted? Clock blocked

Score: 5

My dad had a strict rule where I couldn't go on dates if my age was on the clock... I can't wait to be 61.

Score: 7

Why did the mobster shoot the clock? So it wouldn't tock.

Score: 11

Have you ever eaten a clock? It's very time consuming.

Score: 5

Hickory, Dickory, Dock ... Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the rest escaped with minor injuries

Score: 10

Did you hear the Song about a clock? Its a timeless classic

Score: 2

They are making a film about clock... it's about time...

Score: 1

Did you hear about the clock that went to the buffet? It went back four seconds.

Score: 3

I was an hour late for work I told them that Russia hacked my alarm clock and now I still have a job for the next two years while my boss
appoints a special investigation to look into it :)

Score: 3

Apparently The Leaning Tower of Pisa is going to be turned into a clock tower. After all, there's no point having the inclination if you don't have the time.

Score: 2

Two Puns Man, I was going to eat a clock, but then I thought, that's to time consuming.

Man, I was ganna get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.

You guys might aswell call me re"pun"sul. I'm way to punny.

(Sorry if I make you cringe)

Score: 3

I'm going out for a meal with my girlfriend tonight. I've set the clock back four hours so we get there on time.

Score: 7

My body clock is really messed up You could say the difference was night and day.

Score: 1

A Man goes to a doctor, says he has a problem, he always poops at 7 o clock... doctor asks why this is a problem

the man answers "I wake up at 8"

Score: 2

I ate a clock yesterday... It was so time consuming.

Score: 1

What happened when the parachuter's chute... ...failed to open, right over the clock factory?

He fell on hard times.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the little bird that took over his clock by force? It was a cuckoo coup.

Score: 9

Why do you never buy a woman a watch? Because there is a clock on the stove.

Score: 11

Have you ever try to eat a clock? Please, don't do it, it consumes a lot of time

Score: 10

Why did they never put a clock on the leaning tower of Pisa? They never had the inclination or the time.

Score: 1

Got up in the middle of the night, and couldn't find my alarm clock Checked the time on my cell phone, it was 4:04. Made sense.

Score: 4

Who knows how to tell when it's midnight on an analogue clock? Hands up.

Score: 1

I tried to eat a clock once It took me all day, but I did it. It was very time consuming.

Score: 6

The clock was bored of his tick-tock. So it changed to a better tack-tick.

Score: 4

Ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Score: 9

Why did the man throw his clock Because he was ticked off

Score: 6

What time does a Mexican artist who likes drawing watches start? tres a clock.

Score: 1

A man is being interrogated by the SS SS Officer - "make z noise of a clock"

Man - "tic, tic, tic"

SS Officer - "Ve have vays of making you toc!"

Score: 3

My alarm clock decided to leave me tomorrow. It would've left yesterday, but it's taking its time.

Score: 1

A cat can read the hands of a clock to know when it's nap time. It's nap time when the hours-hand is shorter than the minutes-hand.

Score: 1

What's the difference between a grandfather clock and your grandma's favourite breakfast? The letter L

Score: 3

Ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.

Score: 8

i'd tell a joke about a clock... But i just don't have the time

Score: 1

You can eat a clock But it is very time consuming

Score: 7

Have you ever eaten a clock before? It's very time consuming.

Score: 2

Big Ben walks up to the club like... ...what up? I got a big clock.

Score: 6

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time-consuming.

Score: 5