Hilarious Coke Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Coke Jokes

I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

Score: 16297

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low? She thought it was diet coke.

Score: 9465

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

Edit: certainly didn't expect this to get so many votes or make it to the front page.

Score: 4596

Boss perv I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

Score: 2253

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 1874

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks “Why is he called Tiny?”

And the man replies “Because he’s my newt!”

Edit: I have replied to the comments and removed my edits

Score: 1396

Why was the Pepsi employee fired? He tested positive for coke.

Score: 808

Score: 586

So I asked the bartender for a rum and coke. He said, "Is Pepsi okay?" "Sure, whatever," I said.

So he handed me a glass of pepsi and coke.

Score: 389

Why did the blonde snort splenda? She thought it was diet coke.

Score: 372

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired? He tested positive for Coke.

Score: 322

First day on the job as a drugdealer *giggles*
"We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?
*gets stabbed*

Score: 307

Airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual ...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.

Score: 210

The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning. They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.

*I have to be factually correct.

Score: 210

A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke" The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".

The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

Score: 189

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library." The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

Score: 184

I like my single malt how I like my girls. 15 years old and mixed up with coke.

(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke)

Score: 167

Why did the Blonde snort Sweet & Low? She thought it was Diet Coke!

Score: 155

What's the wifi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first.

Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.

Barman: Is Pepsi okay?

Me: Sure. How much is that?

Barman: £3.

Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

Score: 144

*First day as drug dealer* *Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
*gets stabbed*

Score: 139

Did you hear about the can of coke that got run over? It was soda pressing

Score: 132

A polar bear walks into a bar A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a brandy.........................................................................................................

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.......... and coke." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds, "I dunno... I've always had them."

Score: 106

A bear walks in to a bar "I'd like a whisky and...............coke"
Bartender "why the big pause?"
Bear "i don't know, i was born with'em"

Score: 102

Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired? They tested positive for coke.

Score: 97

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer. Isntagram

Score: 92

A polar bear walks into a bar A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I'll have a Bud Lite. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke.”
The bartender asks “What's with the big pause?”
The bear responds: “I dunno... I've just always had them.”

Score: 86

I got fired from my job at Pepsi I tested positive for Coke

Score: 78

I just got fired from my job at the Pepsi factory... I tested positive for Coke.

Score: 76

No one ever asks how Coke is doing. It's always, "Is Pepsi okay"?

Score: 74

I like my women like I like my whiskey 15 years old and mixed up in coke.

Score: 73

Why was the pepsi worker fired? He tested positive for coke!

Score: 36

What's the difference between a pound of cocaine and a baby? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a pound of coke fall out of a window

Score: 27

Dear Diet Coke, I feel like you're overreacting.

Sincerely,
Mentos

Score: 23

A Pepsi employee was fired today He tested positive for coke.

Score: 21

A panda walks into a bar He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."

"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"

"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.

Score: 20

What do Bulimia and Coke Zero have in common? Twice the taste, zero calories.

Score: 19

Did you hear about the Pepsi employee that got fired? Turns out they found coke in his system and fired him on the spot.

Score: 19

Pepsi just fired their CEO For testing positive for coke.

Score: 18

Did you hear about that guy who died from crushing a Coke in a hydraulic press? It was soda-pressing.

Score: 14

You know how to make a dead baby float? 2 scoops of dead baby and a coke....

Score: 14

New Coke Jokes

I remember a time where you could walk into the gas station with a quarter and leave with a candy bar and a coke. Now there are cameras everywhere.

Score: 3

Coke. Me : I'd like a pepsi .

Waiter : we have coke

Me. : Okay , I'll take a gram of that and pepsi .

Score: 3

Why do people in the US get so happy when they drink coke? Because it’s a merry can.

Score: 1

Honey, do you do coke? - No mom, why are you asking?
- You're chopping the onions with a credit card.

Score: 0

An officer asked me "Do you have any coke?" I said "No, is Pepsi okay?" The joke is I got arrested.

Score: 0

They always ask me at restaurants if Pepsi is okay... But nobody ever cares to ask how Coke is doing 😔

Score: 2

Yeah, drinking Pepsi isn’t great for my health... But at least I’m not snorting coke!

Score: 1

Dicks and Vaginas are kind like Coke and Pepsi I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they taste the same.

-Bo Burnham, songwriter for Sesame Street

Score: 1

My drug dealer became a monk so that nobody would suspect him... I always knew the best coke was in the convents.

Score: 3

I walked in to a bar, and ordered a Jack and Coke Two key bumps later, all four tires are off my car

Score: 2

A bear walks into a bar. The bear says he wants a whiskey and a coke. The bartender says sure no problem but what’s with the big pause? The bear says I dunno I was born that way

Score: 0

A cop pulled me over and saw 4082.33 grams of Coke in my backseat I had for a party. The store was all out of 12 packs of Pepsi.

Score: 1

A Belgian guy enters in a bar... He asks for a diet coke and the barman says : I don't have them anymore, can I give you ONE ZERO ?!

\#WorldcupJokes

Score: 3

I can't remember if I bought a can of Coke or a bottle of Captain Morgan.. I always get them mixed up.

Score: 3

What do you call a robot coke head? A ma-Sheen.

Score: 1

Someone said they liked Coke Zero... So it's now called "Coke One"

Score: 1

Did you hear about the ex body builder who can no longer crush a coke can? It's just soda pressing

Score: 4

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today... ...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

Score: 10

I once tried sniffing coke. But the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.

Score: 3

Do you know what the difference between an eightball of cocaine and a four year old child is? Eric Clapton wouldn't have let an eightball of coke fall out of a 53rd story window.

Score: 3

How did the flat can of coke feel? Soda pressed.

Score: 2

Why did the blonde snort nutrasweet? She wanted diet coke.

Score: 2

An undercover cop approaches a career stoner and asked him, "Hey man, I'm looking to score some coke."

The stoner thinks about it for a moment and asks, "Is Pepsi okay?"

Score: 1

Why couldn't the crumpled can of coke get out of bed in the morning? Because it was soda pressed.

Score: 14

I like my women how I like my whiskey... 18 years old and full of coke.

Score: 7

An American, An Englishman, and A Bavarian walk into a bar The American orders a bud, the Englishman a pint of ale.
The Bavarian orders a coke and says to the others:
"If you won't drink beer, I won't either."

Score: 6

Why did the confused coke-head join the klan? He thought they were saying "White Powder"

Score: 9

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A little coke brings Captain Morgan to life.

Score: 2

If laughter is a drug... The real coke is in the comments!

Score: 6

I like my women the way I like my rum 22 years old and full of coke

Score: 2

My dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 2

Whats the difference between a young child and a bag of coke? Theres no way that Eric Clapton would ever let his bag of coke fall out his window

Score: 2

I like my women like I like whiskey 8 years old and mixed up with coke.

Score: 3

Dicks and vaginas are sorta like Coke and Pepsi I strongly prefer one, but my dad thinks they taste the same.

Credit: Bo Burnham - Love Is....

Score: 8

I tried snorting coke once But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

Score: 2

When did we start saying "line manager" And stop saying "coke dealer"?

Score: 2

Why did the blonde snort all the NutraSweet? She thought it was diet Coke.

Score: 4

Soaking a twig in coke is nice, but soaking a twig in fanta... Fanta stick.

Score: 3

I like my women like I like my whiskey 20 years old and full of coke.

Score: 2

What the difference between a toddler and a bag of coke? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window #TearsInHeaven

Score: 2

Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century. Fox News: Hold my beer.

United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?

Pepsi: For reals?

Sean Spicer: Make it a double.

Score: 2

What happens when two same pokemons meet eachother? Jynx has to buy them a coke.

Score: 1

I tried selling drugs once. I tried selling drugs once. The guy asked me for some coke and I paniced and asked him if Pepsi was ok.

Score: 1

What's the difference between a bag of coke and a toddler Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of coke fall out a window

Score: 7

A blonde walks into a library She says to the librarian, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a coke."

The librarian says the the blonde, "this is a library!"

The blonde whispers, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a Coke."

Score: 3

Whats the difference between the U.S.A and Mexico? What "Coke" means

Score: 2

My friend was stressed before a party. "Why is my weed dealer *always* late, but my coke dealer early?" he said.

"Your coke dealer is the faster driver," I replied. "And the weed dealer is probably still laughing at the gear stick."

Score: 2

What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of coke? Eric Clapton would've never let a bag of coke fall out the window

Score: 8

"I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke," The blonde girl requested. "Excuse me miss, this is a library."

^^"I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke," she whispered.

Score: 4

I asked my mother to get me a coke "What's the magic word?" She asked
"Retirement home"

Score: 2

Why did the coke dealer retire? He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses

Score: 1