Hilarious Crack Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Crack Jokes

Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. Concrete floors are really hard to crack.

Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"

Score: 1828

Score: 1769

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Score: 1423

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.

Score: 829

Every N.W.A song Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!

Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown.

Score: 638

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Score: 264

What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one

Score: 223

Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers? Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

Score: 182

What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one

Score: 174

What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one.

Score: 157

Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up... Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
A. Banned from the Zoo.

Score: 150

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 4 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Score: 109

What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common? They both love to crack open a cold one.

Score: 109

Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier today... He was on crack, she was on blow...

Score: 91

Step on a crack, break your momma's back! So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"

"You're adopted."

Score: 82

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? The prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.

Score: 65

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute. The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again

Edit-1 hopefully she/he washes it

Score: 60

Did you hear about the coroner who always was early for his shift? He could not wait to get to work and crack open a cold one.

Score: 56

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.

Score: 55

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef. I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

Score: 54

What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? They both love to crack a cold one.

Score: 52

Why do drug dealers hate prostitutes? Because prostitutes can wash their crack and sell it again.

Score: 51

My coworker asked me if I wanted to crack open a cold one after work. And that’s how I learned he was a necrophiliac.

Score: 47

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Score: 44

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? The hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Score: 44

Who makes more money: a prostitute or a drug dealer? Depends on who has the best crack.

Score: 41

Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it? A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

Score: 40

What's 7 inches and hasn't been sucked in 2 years? whitney houstons crack pipe

Score: 40

What do a necropheliac and the boys have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one

Score: 40

Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? It got stuck in a crack

Score: 40

If a crack forms in your backyard. Is it your fault?

Score: 39

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.

Score: 36

What is the difference between a dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Score: 34

Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world. Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.

Score: 22

Necrophilia The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

Score: 17

What makes an alcoholic and a necrophiliac similar? Both like to crack open a cold one

Score: 16

What do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common? They both want to crack open a cold one.

Score: 15

The Mrs just said Gavin from Autoglass came round & injected special resin into her crack. I'm not normally suspicious but she hasn't got a car

Score: 12

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

(my 10 year old claims to have made this one up)

Score: 12

Our Business is implementing random drug testing... I'm OK with doing most of them but I'm kinda nervous about trying Crack.

Score: 11

New Crack Jokes

What is Mario's favorite drug Plumbers crack

Score: 2

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PROSTITUTE AN A DRUG DEALER ??? A PROSTITUTE WASHES HER CRACK AND SALES IT AGAIN.

Score: 1

If you crack a Joseph Stalin joke.. I am obliged to give full Marx for effort.

Score: 1

What is the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? One can keep reselling crack.

Score: 2

Been evacuated because there's a crack in the wall of the reservoir near my town. Dam.

Score: 1

We're still interrogating the egg on the crime he committed... he hasn't talked yet, but don't worry, he'll crack eventually.

Score: 2

What’s a roll of toilet paper’s drug of choice? Crack.

Score: 4

What's the differnce between crack dealers and prostitutes? The prostitutes can atleast clean their crack.

Score: 5

What is the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

(I have known this joke from far to young an age, but if you hadn’t heard it yet I hope you enjoyed it.)

Score: 1

I went to a party with the intent on taking a girl home and sleeping with her. My beer goggles were on so I didn’t realize until the next morning her teeth had cracks all over.. I slept with the creature from the crack lagoon

Score: 0

A classic nuts joke, with a twist. What do you get when you put nuts on a wall?

Wallnuts.

What do you get when you put nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts.

What do you get when you smoke a crack rock, and put nuts on somebodys window?

An errection.

Score: 2

Two necrophiliacs talk during a hot summer day. *Sweating*, it's way too hot outside!

Let's go in and crack open a cold one.

Score: 3

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again

Score: 8

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker cleans her crack and sells it again.

Score: 2

What do you call a riddle that is easy to crack? A brittle.

Score: 1

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in the crack.

Score: 3

Why did the toilet paper stop rolling? It got stuck in a crack.

Score: 8

A guy buys the new Iphone 8 , He puts it in his back pocket when he hears a crack I hope that was my spine he said.

Score: 2

Why couldent the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack

Score: 2

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.

Score: 2

Chiropractors should become interrogators Because their patients crack easily under pressure.

Score: 4

There was a young boy who failed school, Acted a bit of a fool.
Went out to Iraq, smoked a whole lot of crack,
And his legs ended up in Kabul.

Score: 2

I heard the military is assembling a crack squad made up of all T-Rexes Makes sense - I hear T-Rexes are small arms experts!

Score: 2

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? He got stuck in a crack.

Score: 5

I live in a house between a crack den and a brothel. I guess you could say i'm between a rock and a hard place.

Score: 4

Why DIDN'T the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.

Score: 5

I'd like to think I'm a fairly funny guy. I mean I get mirrors to crack up without any effort. Just natural talent I guess

Score: 3

So, there were two nuns... ...and one of them says to the other 'sister, I've got a filthy *habit*'

'Why? Have you not washed it in a while?'

'No,' she replied. 'I'm a crack addict.'

Score: 3

Why a window shouldn't laugh? Cause it might crack up..

Score: 2

I've been getting into Bath Salts recently... Nothing major it's just that if I'm gonna smoke crack in the bathtub I want that bath to be exfoliating.

Score: 3

Whats the difference between a plumber and a drug dealer? I'm not addicted to a drug dealer's crack.

Score: 1

You know, I really like cocaine jokes. They always crack me up.

Score: 9

What's the difference between a crack dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Score: 1

What did the egg say to the clown? You crack me up!

Score: 2

What happens to eggs when they tell jokes? They crack up.

Score: 5

Oprah was caught with drugs They looked up her dress and found a thousand pounds of crack.

Score: 5

Why wasn't the Toilet Paper able to cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

Score: 4

I've been a crack addict for 10 years I just can't afford video games

Score: 2

What did Gavin from Autoglass and Amy Winehouse have in common? They both had a crack problem.

Score: 1

I set my password to be the last 4 digits of pi. Nobody's ever been able to crack it.

Score: 7

What did the cell brother say to his cell sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis

EDIT: Sorry for the crappy pun, but at least it wasn't one about eggs. I don't tell those types of yolks. Sorry I just really crack myself up.

Score: 8

Never tell jokes to walls It will crack them up.

Score: 2

TIL that energy drinks are more effective... when you smoke them, and they're crack.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Stolen from a friend on Facebook

Score: 1

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack on the way

Score: 3

How many Chicago Policemen does it take to crack an egg? None. It fell down the stairs.

Score: 8

"Alright man let's crack open a few cold ones, it's going to be a fun night" Said one necrophiliac to another as they walked into the morgue

Score: 2

I wanted to crack a joke on cooking utensils... ...but it didn't pan out.

Score: 5

What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack? An asphalt

Score: 4

Why did the glass finally crack? It was badly tempered.

Score: 6

What do I have in common with a necropheliac? We both like to crack open a cold one when we get home.

Score: 2

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road It got stuck on a crack

Score: 1

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road..? **Because he got stuck in the crack.**

Score: 4

I am both a comedian and a drug dealer I tend to crack a lot of people up

Score: 1

The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.

Score: 8