Hilarious Credit Card Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Credit Card Jokes

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card? Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Score: 2424

The stolen credit card. Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: Coz the thief was spending less than my wife.

Police:Then why are you reporting it now?

Man: Well, I think now the thief's wife has started to use it.

Score: 887

Score: 720

I am amazing at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding

Score: 422

When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.

Score: 267

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards? A Czech Republic

Score: 186

I’m really good at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.

Score: 166

My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does.

Score: 164

"Dad, your credit card has been stolen for 3 months and you haven't reported yet! - Shut up kid, the thief is spending less than your mother.

Score: 134

I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

Score: 88

Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen? Because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Score: 83

What's big, black and steals you credit card? Sony Playstation 3

Score: 80

My wife is like a new credit card. 0% interest for 12 months.

Score: 63

I'm like a credit card. I'm always being used or denied.

Score: 60

Someone stole my wife's credit card But I don't want him found. He is spending less than she was.

Credit : The Murder Room

Score: 51

A man had his credit card stolen... However, he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Score: 48

I couldn't find my credit card this morning. Someone must have swiped it.

I'm sorry.

Score: 40

Apparently im amazing at managing my credit card My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding

Score: 36

My credit card is like a stripper. There isn't much on it.

Score: 28

I'll have you know I'm in a great financial situation. Even my credit card company says my balance is outstanding!

Score: 27

My credit card got stolen 3 months ago and I still haven’t reported it missing..... ....Whoever has it is spending far less than what my wife usually does.

Score: 26

My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem... They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!

Score: 24

I don't usually brag..... I don't usually brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

Score: 23

I had my credit card stolen. About two years ago now. I never reported it though. On my first statement, I found that the thieves were charging less than my wife was.

Score: 22

Hey baby, are you an introductory credit card offer? Because your terms are hard to understand and you keep saying you have no interest.

Score: 22

Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant but he's not that hungry... And they serve free tortilla chips. He asks for one chip and they give it to him. He swipes his credit card, and nothing happens. The employee looks at him and says, "Dude... it's a chip."

Score: 21

What is large, black, and steals your credit cards? Sony Playstation 3

Score: 20

Just found out my wife's credit card was stolen! They are spending it all on jewellery and casinos! But I wouldn't report it because they are spending less than my wife.

Score: 19

I must be a credit card Since I’m always been used or denied

Score: 15

My wife's credit card was stolen last week... I haven't reported it yet though... because so far, they're spending less than she was.

Score: 14

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen But he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.“

Score: 13

The women I want to date are like my credit cards... No interest.

Score: 12

What is 8.6 cm and can please any woman? A credit card.

Score: 12

In my credit card statement there was an extra 666$ charge written in tiny fonts ... As usual, the devil is in the details ...

Score: 11

Someone stole all my credit cards I won't be reporting it though, the thief spends less than my wife.

Score: 9

School is just like my credit card 0% interest for the first 9 months.

Score: 8

Why doesn't the Vatican take credit cards? Because they like Papal.

Score: 8

credit card vs wife Police : Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police : Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Score: 7

What do you call a lion that steals credit cards? An AMEX predator.

Score: 5

Spreading girls's legs is alot like spreading butter You can do it with a credit card, but it's much easier with a knife

Score: 5

New Credit Card Jokes

Honey, do you do coke? - No mom, why are you asking?
- You're chopping the onions with a credit card.

Score: 0

Man, those credit card companies are brutal! My buddy got a vasectomy and put it on card and never paid the bill. MasterCard sent a guy over to knock-up his wife.

Score: 2

Why did the man never report that his credit card had been stolen? Because the thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

Score: 3

American Politics: How to win the 2020 election Cut interest rates to such a low level (negative) that the banks start PAYING YOU interest for your mortgage debt, consumer (credit card) debts and student loan debts.

Score: 2

I’m going to pay off all of the student loans of college graduates graduating next year... ...in hopes they don’t learn the responsibilities of financial management. Also, apply for my new 48% APR credit card I am offering at the start of January!

Score: 1

My Credit Card is like a Repost... Both are hard to look at for longer than 5 seconds.

Score: 1

Getting a job is like getting a credit card: you need one to get one Of course, neither matters if you’re a drug dealer

Score: 4

Dad, why haven’t you reported to the police that mom credit card was stolen? Shut up boy!

That thief spends way less than your mother

Score: 4

Why didn't the guy call the police when his credit card was stolen? Because the thief spent less than his wife.

Score: 4

You wanna know how to please a woman with only 3 inches? You give her a credit card.

Score: 4

How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away his credit card

Score: 2

Six months ago, my wife had her credit card stolen. Tonight I learned this guy took it. But I'm not going to turn him in. He spends a lot less per month than she did!

Score: 3

I called my credit card company when I got my bill and said, "I can't pay this." "Well, let's see if I can help you, sir. What was your last statement?" ...

"I

CAN'T

PAY

THIS."

Score: 4

A mans wife had her credit cards stolen Wife: Aren't you going to report the thief?
Husband: No, he spends much less than you

Score: 1

A guy stole my wallet a few years ago. I noticed some unusual charges on my credit card statement. I didn't report it because he was spending less than my wife.

Score: 3

My credit card got stolen last week, but I didn't report it. The guy was spending less than my SO.

Score: 1

So it turns out I have a great balance on my credit card... ....you know how I know? I logged in to my account and it said outstanding balance.

Score: 2

Told my boss I wanted a pay raise, 3 other companies are after me! He said "Oh yeah, which ones?"

I told him "the gas and electric company, the phone company and the credit card company"

Score: 3

Someone stole my credit card and I haven't notified the credit card company. The thief spends less than my wife.

Score: 2

A husband loses his credit card..... He decides to not report it stolen, because the thief is spending less money than his wife

Score: 4

What kind of credit card does Luke Skywalker use? A Jedi MasterCard

Score: 2

A thief stole my wife's credit card, I let him keep it Because he spends less than my wife does, I said to the police officer,
The officer says, then how come you are reporting it to me a year later,
I said "because the theif's wife started to use it"

Score: 3

My mom gave me her credit card to buy her a gift for mothers day She said if I buy anything expensive on eBay she'll smash my head on the keyboarkqkrjfhufjffitufltudduyldrysgldzkteydculfdylyxdhdyd

Score: 2

Women say the average man is 5.5 Inches? Cash is 6.14 inches & credit cards are 3.5 inches.. Apparently more women prefer cash.

Score: 1

What do you do if your in the way of stampeding cows? Take away their credit cards so they can't charge

Score: 2