Detective Jokes

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."

Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective... ...and that "we should split up"

"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.

My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I’m a detective, and that we should split up... I told her that’s great, we can cover more ground that way.

Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.

My girlfriend said, "You act too much like a detective . I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

My girlfriend wanted a favor from me Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident

Me: Say no more

LATER

Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

Girlfriend Detective Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."

Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician Sherlock Ohms

(sorry if this is repost, I thought of it in class)

My girlfriend said that she wanted to split up because I acted too much like a detective I said "good idea, we'll cover more ground!"

GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a Detective. I think we should split up. Me:

Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.

My girlfriend: “You act like a detective too much, I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I said, “We can cover more ground that way.”

My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up. It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.

My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.”

I am meeting with a private detective in one hour... Can someone please tell me where Cognito is?

My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective, and said we should split up What a good idea, that way we can cover more ground!

My wife was so fed up with my detective obsession that she said she wanted to split up. "Good idea" I replied, "We can cover more ground that way".

What do you call a ghost detective? An Inspectre

What’s the difference between a hired detective and a Gynecologist? Ones a Private Investigator, the others a Privates Investigator

What did the detective say after finding a calculator? "Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up..."

What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp? Well, that was an unexpected twist!

Why did the PI detective cross the road? He needed to keep up with Jenny's U-turns.

Why did the detective wear a patch on his left eye? It's his private eye.

Detective: "Where were you on the night of the murder?" Suspect: "At home, sir."
Detective: "That's where the murder happened idiot."

Why did it took so long to investigate Flint water crisis? They never appointed a lead detective

I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume. One day I asked him why.

He told me "I am always in purrsuit."

What did the detective say when he received a really long letter? "I'll get to the bottom of this."

What do you call a lizard that works as a detective? An investi-gator.

Dead husband A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?"

Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct."

The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?"

"The old fool used an elastic rope!"

A detective in Paris is conversing with the hunchback of Notre Dame about a murder committed the previous night Detective: Well, who do you think did it?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: I have a hunch.

A detective walks into a party... and asks the partygoers,
"Do you guys have any Nacho Cheese?"
The partygoers respond,
"No dip, Sherlock."

The detective said, "Something's fishy about this evidence..." Turned out to be a red herring.

A detective has finally solved a high profile dog murder. He successfully followed a lead.

GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up. Ex BF: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.

A prostitute is found dead in a back-alley... The detective arrives on the scene and finds the coroner examining the corpse.

_Detective:_ Has she been raped?

_Coroner:_ Not yet, I was waiting to bring her back to the morgue.

A detective walks into a Sunglass Hut. “I know a shady corporate business when I see one.”

What do you call your friend thats a detective? Your Sherlock Homie