Diving Jokes

If at first you don't suceed... sky diving isn't for you.

All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her. Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river.

I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.

"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.

"But not while standing on the diving board!"

The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing. Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.

Some lifeguard kicked me out of the pool for peeing in it. I told him everyone does it. He told me not off the diving board

I've been watching you urinate in the pool.. Lifeguard: I’ve been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you’ll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?

I hate scuba diving It was the lowest moment of my life.

Mother receives a telephone call from school telling her they are sending home her son for peeing in the swimming pool. "But everyone does that," she says.
"Not from the top diving board, they don't."

Deep down... ...I knew scuba diving wasn't for me.

One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison. I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.

I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor I couldn't handle the pressure.

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving... One day I lobster and never flounder again.

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving? He won't inhale.

What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea? Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

Two homeless men are dumpster diving for food outside of a synagogue... One of the men pops his head out and says to the other, “Man, these onion rings are really chewy!”

You know what they say? If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

An Expensive Scuba Diving Store in My Town Just Opened It went under

If at first you don’t succeed Sky diving isn’t your sport

An Irishman is at the top of the diving board about to dive in when the attendant yells out "Stop! The pool has no water in it!" "That's OK" says Paddy. "I can't swim".

Little Jimmy at the Pool Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...

What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground.

"The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive." I think they've hired Naymar.

My English teacher assigned me 10 stories to go through... so I went sky diving. I went through 10 stories in 2 seconds!

What do you call an underwater adventure with a Great Dane? Scooby-Diving

My wife died in a sky diving accident. Does anybody want a parachute, used once , never opened. ?

What do you call a Volleyball player who hurt her knee diving for the ball? Courtney

It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave. All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

On the way back home from the pool with the wife and kids Wife: I can't believe you did something that disgusting.

Me: oh, come on. Everyone pees in the pool

Wife: NOT FROM THE DIVING BOARD!

Diving is a dangerous industry. It should be regulated.

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself, that's shellfish.

Have you ever tried sky diving without a parachute? It's a once in a lifetime experience

Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat whilst diving? Because if they fell forward they would land in the boat.

Earlier today, I was at the swimming pool with my gym class. The teacher yelled at me for peeing in the pool, and I replied that everyone pees in the pool "Yeah, but not from the diving board" was his reply!

What do you call a pregnant woman scuba diving ? A submarine.

My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving! This is a new low...

Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

"Madam, Please ask your son to stop peeing in the pool!" "Oh, But everyone pees in the pool! Are you saying you haven't?"

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***'Not from the Diving board!!!"***

If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now... Because they are good at diving

Why couldn't the Thai soccer team kids have SCUBA'ed their way out of the flooded cave complex earlier? Unfortunately, they're not professional soccer players and aren't proficient in the art of diving.