Easy Jokes

Contents

Funniest Easy Jokes

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

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Funny Easy Jokes
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A drunk in a bar is yelling "All lawyers are thieves" The guy sitting next to him says, "Whoa, easy there buddy."

The drunk says, "Are you a lawyer?"

"No, I'm a thief" says the guy.

Score: 3654

I wish I had Trump as a teacher. Citations would be easy

"You know it, I know it, everyone knows it"

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It's easy to deter ladies from eating tide pods It's much more difficult to deter gents.

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Scaring men is easy I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..

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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of? Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

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I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

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I heard its easy to convince women not to eat tide pods.. but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.

Score: 1660

I just asked my husband I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.

Score: 1638

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!" "Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

Score: 1456

My friend is making a lot of easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes. It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

Score: 1194

Wife: "Can you pick up milk?" Me: *lifts gallon*

"Yeah, it's easy."

Wife: "I mean from the store."

Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"

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I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... scaring men is easy

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Why was math so easy in ancient Rome? x always equals 10

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Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

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German women love me... I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.

Score: 271

Hey! Wanna make $$$$ fast? …Just follow my simple instructions:
1. Hold down the Shift Key
2. Press the number 4 four times.

It's that easy!

Score: 267

Men do not jerk off because it is easy, but because it is hard.

Score: 260

You guys want to play that new Michael Brown drinking game? It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.

Score: 256

Algebra was easy for the Romans. X was always 10.

Score: 248

I used to sell home security systems. It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

Score: 231

I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Good morning". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed.

Score: 228

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings. And now we have countries...

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With the punchline first. How did the time traveler tell his jokes?

(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!)

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There's an easy way to tell an ants gender Put in on water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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I'm making a fortune selling home security systems. It's so easy, all I do is say, "Hello." At 3 in the morning, whilst sitting on the end of their bed…

Score: 172

My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard... It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!

Score: 169

Algebra was always easy for the Romans... x was always 10.

Score: 159

I’m trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy. Good players are hard to find.

Score: 158

I hopped in a cab after work and said to the cabbie "My wife won't put out any more. Take me somewhere I can get an easy chick that won't say no"

10 minutes later he dropped me off at my house and said

"Just tell her Larry sent you"

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Why are Fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.

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My buddy has big news... He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."

"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"

"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

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Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction. It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

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I Wish I had Trump As A Teacher Citations would be super easy

"You know it, I know it, everyone knows it"

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Why is being an astronaut such an easy job? No pressure.

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My name is Ezra. Spelling my name is easy... r, a

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What's the difference between light and hard? It's easy to get to sleep with a light on

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I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack. Divorce

Score: 31

People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

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New Easy Jokes

It's not easy being the President of Russia Putin waking up.

Oh glorious leader, bad news ... we have lost Georgia

"Again?"

Score: 4

Making a dog happy is so easy It's a walk in the park.

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Do you guys have idea how hard it is to make a good Jewish joke? Actually, Israeli easy.

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How do you know you got everything on a trip to home depot? Easy, you're on your third trip to Home Depot.

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I’ve been hearing how easy it is to convince ladies not to eat Tide pods... It’s somewhat more difficult to deter gents.

Edit; I’ll show myself out.

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.

People are harder.

Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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It's really easy to survive a zombie apocalypse It's a no-brainer

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I didn't study for the Canadian History test and still got a hundred It was easy, all the answers were A

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What do you call boxers worn backwards? Easy access

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I like my women like I like my hangovers Easy and gone in the morning

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I just learned how to Draw Blood in Nursing school! It's real easy, you just need something that writes in red!

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Getting away with murder is easy What's the victim going to do?

Call the police?

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I like my women like I like my cheese Blue, a little below room temperature, and easy to slice

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I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins... All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

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Why is it so easy to buy drugs at a casino? Because the casinos are full of dealers.

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How hard is counting in binary? Easy as 01 10 11

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I bought some cherry lube the other day but I didn't end up using it. Turns out cherries are already pretty easy to shove up your arsehole as they are.

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A man goes into a white supremacist diner.. He orders "2 eggs over easy."
The waiter brought out just egg whites.
"Where is the rest of my food?" Asked the patron
The waiter replied "Whites only in my diner! This is no yoke!"

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So I jumped onto the money spending train... ... it's so easy once you accept that time is money!

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It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office. Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

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My 6 year old daughter told me this one: What do you call a book that has babies? A booklet.

Edit: Go easy on her

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Taking the Fourier transform of this subreddit would be easy Because the jokes here repeat periodically

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What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove? I'm a zebra.

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I was making a video about emos It was super easy to make because the video cut itself!

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There's so many scams on the internet today, and so many of them are easy to fall for. Send me $25 and I'll tell you all about it.

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What do you call a bunch of witches getting together to smoke weed? Easy Bake coven

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A good book is like a puppy Easy to pick up, hard to put down

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A patient says to a dentist : " you pulled out a tooth in like 3 seconds and you get the money, not fair! What an easy career" The dentist replies: " sounds right. Let's make it 3 hours long."

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Why is solving a Rubik's Cube like a leper's erection? It looks hard, but it's really easy to pull off.

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I like my women like I like my apples... Rotten to the core and easy to smash

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To make it stand, I have to wet it; to make it wet, I have to suck it; to make it stiff, I have lick it; and to get it in, I have to push it... ... Threading a needle isn't easy

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You know binary is actually pretty easy... Easy as 1 10 11.

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Being a scarecrow isn't easy... but hay, it's in my jeans

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There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...and they're easy to catch if you've got a big rod.

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A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ... The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

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I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year. He was really easy to get a lawn with.

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I ate my roommates 1TB hard drive Wasn't easy, it took 1000000000000 bytes

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I bought a deck of glass playing cards... It's pretty easy to shuffle but the deck cuts you.

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Come up with one sentence that uses, "defeat," "deduct," "defense," and "detail." Easy. Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.

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To get easy comment karma, you have to do it like your ejaculations Just do it early.

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How do you fit an elephant in to a safeway bag? It's easy! Just take the S out of safe and the F out of way.

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I was put into a special ed class in highschool....... I came for the easy grades, but I stayed.....

...***For the ladies***

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A good book is like a cute puppy... ...easy to pick up, hard to put down.

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Over 75% of people find Mathematics easy! I don't believe it! Guess I'm with the rest 15%

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In touch with your inner self. If you want to get in touch with your inner self, it's easy. Just buy single ply toilet paper.

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I like my men, like how I like my dogs. Loyal, easy to look after and always licks me.

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Yesterday, I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind man. Today, I got fired from my job. Its not easy being a bus driver.

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I like my women like I like my jeep Topless and easy to get into.

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Just left an interview and they told me there'd be a drug test. I'm not worried, though. I know a lot about drugs, so it should be a pretty easy test.

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I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's funeral. I said, "What shall I wear?"

"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."

It's not easy being a necrophiliac.

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2 cactuses are talking to each other One of them asks the other, "Hey, do you know how to speak the human language?"

To which he responds, "yeah it's easy, they always say ouch!"

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A English teacher says to a African student.. "okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"

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A riddle Who's got orange skin, poor speaking skills, is overwhelmingly disliked and is in over his head?

Yeah, I know, too easy right?

It's Jar Jar Binks

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I like my woman like I like my shoelaces. Curvy, loose, and easy to finger.

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What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust? Easy Bake Ovens

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A friend of mine was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.

When the policeman informed his family he said
"There's no easy way to say this"...

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I don't think I have a drinking problem I find it incredibly easy to drink!

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What is easy to get into, but hard to get out of? Addiction

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What do rocket scientists say about a task that is relatively easy? It's no social skills!

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Its not easy Making Fun of Retarded People You Really have to explain it to them

--- Anthony Jeselnik

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