Hilarious Eminem Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Eminem Jokes

EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.

Score: 2134

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."

Score: 1343

Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of... The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”

Score: 1035

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get one shot."

Score: 877

I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries I call it my trail mix.

Score: 388

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off and says,"You only get 1 shot."

Score: 330

I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked." I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

Score: 91

A doctor is talking to one of his patients Doctor: "Who's your favorite rapper?"

Boy: "Eminem!"

Doctor: "Would you like to meet him someday?"

Boy: "Of course!"

Doctor: "Well he's busy right now but you'll meet tupac soon!"

Boy: "But he's dead..."

Doctor: "I know."

Score: 89

What did Eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?

Score: 80

Two people walk into a bar. They see that the bartender is Eminem.

"Two shots please", one of them tells him

"Sorry. You only get one shot"

Score: 73

Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.

Score: 70

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent.... He could actually snap back into reality

Score: 67

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He says "give me 2 shots of-"

The bartender cuts him off and says "you only get one shot"

Score: 58

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender “I’ll have 2 shots of...”

The bartender cuts him off, “you only get 1 shot.”

Score: 44

What’s the difference between what Eminem does and what Bill Cosby does? An “e” at the end

Score: 42

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already... Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?

Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

Score: 38

So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please

Eminem: You only get one shot

Score: 34

What did Dr.Dre say to Lil Wayne? Nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in Eminem's basement!

Score: 32

What did Eminem learn to defend himself? Marshall arts.

Score: 27

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem... He says,"Give me two shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off and says,"You only get one shot."

Score: 27

I made a playlist for hiking... It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my Trail Mix..

Score: 26

I’m going on a hike and picking music. I have songs from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.

Score: 24

*Eminem walks into a bar with his daughter* Daughter : Two shots, please.
Eminem : You only get one shot!

Score: 22

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender, “Give me 2 shots of...”

The bartender cuts him off saying, “You only get one shot.”

Score: 21

I made a playlist for trekking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix.

Score: 19

I made a new playlist. It's got music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. It's my trail mix.

Score: 17

Why does Eminem serve weak coffee? You only get one shot.

Score: 16

Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.

Score: 15

What was 50 Cents called after he gave his opinion of Eminem? 48 Cents.

Score: 15

What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? ♪ *Shady's back* ♪

Score: 12

Made a hiking playlist earlier called trail mix It has a lot of eminem in it

Score: 8

GF: "Did you see Eminem's new rap about Trump?" Me: "Yes. It was ludacris."

GF: "No, it was Eminem."

Score: 8

Eminem has decided to convert to Islam. He's now known as Muslim Shady.

Score: 8

Rumour has it Eminem has converted to Islam. From now on, he will call himself "Muslim Shady."

Score: 5

Did you hear about when Eminem married an Indian woman? They had a Slim Shaadi

Score: 5

Woman: I need a couple balloons of Eminem for my sons birthday, it's in an hour. Worker: so you're telling me... I only got one shot?

Score: 5

Most people would say that Eminem, Jay-Z, or Andre 3000 spit the hardest on the mic... I personally think it was Mia Khalifa.

Score: 4

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

Score: 4

What is Eminem made of? He is made of Mathers

Score: 3

Does Eminem always have to spit on my onion rings? It always ends up tasting like spaghetti.

Score: 3

New Eminem Jokes

Eminem has corona!! His palms where sweaty knees weak and arms where heavy and there was vomit on his sweater already but it was false alarm it was just moms spaghetti Eminem is da man

Score: 0

Eminem would make a terrible bartender. Everyone only gets one shot.

Score: 1

When does Eminem go to English class? Aftermath

Score: 1

I heard someone pants-ed Eminem during one of his shows... He was Em-bare-assed.

Score: 2

For self-defense growing up, Eminem developed his own fighting style. It's known today as... Marshall Arts.

Score: 1

Do you know why Eminem is the only person that can roast Donald Trump? Because nothing rhymes with orange.

Score: 1

Did you hear that Eminem was opening a noodle restaurant in Tokyo? He *is* very good at ramen.

Score: 2

Eminem just endorsed a new rapper, but he's only half as good as the last one. Have you heard of "50 percent"?

Score: 1

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a green onion? A rapscallion.

Score: 2

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a slug? Slime Shady.

Score: 2

Today I met a feminist She told me that Rihanna made Eminem's career.

Score: 2