Hilarious Face Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Face Jokes

I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. Everyone came, you should have seen her face.

Score: 16331

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Score: 15858

Never challenge death to a pillow fight unless you’re ready to face the reaper cusions

Score: 11870

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Edit: I'm a pirate, so it works in first-person

Score: 11171

My wife told me to go an get some pills that help with an erection... You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

Score: 7222

My sister bet me $15 that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

Score: 5320

Sean Connery once asked his wife to sit on his face. Once.

Score: 2672

Score: 2531

My wife threatened to leave me because I wouldnt stop singing "I'm a believer". I thought she was joking And then I saw her face...

Score: 2401

Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand* Me: stop hitting yourself haha, why do you keep hitting yourself

Sister-in-law: ~crying~ is this why you wanted an open casket

Score: 2329

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

Score: 2324

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Who was that?

Score: 2075

My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.

Score: 1941

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

Score: 1900

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her. Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

Score: 1794

What is the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? ...

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Edit: Whoa, I knew this was a great joke but didnt expect this. Thanks!

Score: 1771

My wife told me to go to the doctor and get those pills that "help" with an erection... You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills.

Score: 1747

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?" My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

Score: 1587

I met a pretty girl. Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 1252

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.

Score: 1251

A hot naked woman robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 1182

"It's a boy!" I shouted, tears rolling down my face. "I don't believe it. A boy!" It was at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.

Score: 1082

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

Score: 1034

Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say... * If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.

Score: 1011

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park... Asked him "why are you eating Grass?"

He said "I'm very hungry"

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me"

You should've seen the look on his face when I showed him my backyard.

Score: 958

I got a massage last week... and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

Score: 919

Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you? Drown them.

Score: 851

I asked a pretty homeless woman... I asked a pretty homeless women if I could take her home, she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Score: 815

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta

Score: 795

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

Score: 758

A naked women robbed a bank Nobody could remember her face

Score: 726

My girlfriend told me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer" by smash mouth she would dump me... I thought she was joking
But then i saw her face

Score: 665

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

Edit: hey thanks for the 1,000 upvotes!

Score: 563

"It's a boy!" I shouted tears rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!" Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.

Score: 497

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

Score: 496

A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. “So is it true what they say about black guys?” He responds, “Sure is.” Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.

Score: 438

I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.

Score: 399

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti: You should've seen the look on her face as i drove pasta!

Score: 397

Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

Score: 337

Me: "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: *opens front face camera*

Score: 264

New Face Jokes

My wife said it was "crazy and impossible" when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

Score: 39

My mum laughed at me when I said I was gonna make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

Score: 75

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

Score: 180

A naked woman robbed a bank filled with men But nobody could remember her face.

Score: 50

A boy with swollen cheek. Mom looks at her son and asks "What happened Timmy?".
Tim replies "A fly landed on my face in the garden.".
"Did it bite you?" asks mom.
"No, dad killed it with a shovel." says Tim.

Score: 26

I bet my sister that I could make a car out of spaghetti.... ...you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

Score: 74

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung. I was too quick with the spade.

Score: 43

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you're twelve before it comes on your face

Score: 56

Smart!!!! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 38

My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't quit my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face.

Score: 60

I finally figured out why I look so bad in photos. It's my face.

Score: 144

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Score: 108

My sister walked up to me this morning and with disgusted look on her face said to me: ‘You’re on drugs again!!!’ She could be right.. I’m an only child.

Score: 191

I bought my mom a fridge as birthday present Her face really lit up when she opened it.

Score: 67

Some people are like a slinky. Not good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Score: 34

Face it, there are 3 genders Men, women and coconuts.

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As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face: I'm having a stroke.

Score: 37

Whats the difference between a pimple and a priest? A pimple waits until you're 12 to come on your face

Score: 69

I held the door open for a Japanese guy today He said, "sank you", so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he would bring up Pearl Harbor like that.

Score: 132

What do you call a nose which has been torn off of somebody's face? No body nose.

Score: 26

I lost my watch at a party once. About an hour later I saw some guy standing on it while harassing a woman. Infuriated, I went over and punched him in the face. Nobody does that to a woman, not on my watch.

Score: 51

My girlfriend broke up with me today. I asked her why, and she said, "Because you're obsessed with The Monkees." At first I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face.

Score: 43

Apparently the Dad jokes never stop... I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...

Score: 187

Wife woke up this morning with a huge smile on her face.. Man I love sharpies

Score: 33

My wife didn't believe me when i said I'd made a car from spaghetti Should've seen her face when I drove pasta

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I held a door open for an Asian guy and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

Score: 44

Some people say I have my Father's face Not sure how they know, the briefcase I put it in is locked

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What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a Zit? A zit will wait till your twelve years old to come on your face.

Score: 71

Face is a four letter word… But preface is a foreword letter…

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What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a boy's face

Score: 53

A lawyer walks into a doctor’s office with a huge tumor on his face... Doctor says, “Why didn’t you come sooner?”
The tumor says, “To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house.”

Score: 36

I once lost my watch at a party I saw a guy step on it while sexually assualting a girl. I walked up to him and punched him the face. No one does that to a girl. Not on my watch.

Score: 28

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. I should've seen the look on her face as i drove pasta !

Score: 36

I made my wife's dreams come true and we were married in a castle. But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around during the ceremony.

Score: 56

Some people are like slinkies They don't really have a purpose but it still brings a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs

Score: 103

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

Score: 42

I lost my watch I lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

Score: 229

Women's Guide To Understanding Men If a guy says to you, "You're cute" - he's looking at your face.

If a guy says to you, "You're hot" - he's looking at your body.

If a guy says to you, "You're fabulous" - he's looking at your brother.

Score: 120

Looking at my face is like reading in the car It's all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick

Score: 27

Yo Mama has so many warts... Her face spells "ugly" in Braille

Score: 134

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

Score: 143

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta

Score: 206

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says Alcoholism is destroying my family.

Score: 25

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on a person's face until he hits 13.

Score: 27

A vampire walks into a blood bar with a big smile on his face.... The bartender looks at him confused and the vampire says, "Always B positive!"

Score: 25

Lost my watch at a house party one time. Saw a guy steppin on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to him... ...punched him strait in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

Score: 35

"IT'S A BOY!" I shouted.... with tears rolling down my face.
"I don't believe it, a boy!!"

It was at that moment that I decided that I would never visit Thailand again.

Score: 227

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park... Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"

He said "I am very hungry."

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."

You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

**Edit**: Grammar, thanks to /u/linktothepast99

Score: 177

I bought a racehorse today I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear people shouting, "Come on My Face."

Score: 54

So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill. Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

Score: 232

What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits til you hit puberty to come all over your face.

Score: 49

My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 63

I got my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. I know it's not the greatest gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

Score: 39

All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her. Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river.

Score: 121

A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.

Score: 37

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family."

Score: 122

A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

Score: 143

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

Score: 137

My sister bet me $100 I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

Score: 104

Well, that's the last time I tell my girlfriend to sit on my face... whilst doing a Sean Connery impersonation.

Score: 96