Hilarious Fighting Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Fighting Jokes

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

Score: 18774

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Shout, “I got money on that guy with the knife!”

Score: 10529

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

Score: 2913

Score: 1993

I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"

Then they both ran away

Score: 1665

Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

-Rob DenBleyker

Score: 1385

Who is this Rorschach guy? And why did he draw so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Score: 1077

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.

Score: 1041

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Score: 581

I had an idea for a fighting game.. But turns out, it was tekken

Score: 544

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive) Alien vs. Predator

Score: 453

I saw two blind dudes fighting the other day... .. and I yelled "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!"

Both of them ran away.

Score: 438

The other day i saw two blind guys fighting I yelled: I BET ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE!

They run away from each other

Score: 422

Today I saw two blind people fighting... Today I saw two blind people fighting... Then I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with a knife!" They both ran away.

Score: 404

Saw two blind people fighting today. I said, "I think that the guy with the knife will win!" They both ran away.

Edit: Grammar

Score: 319

Today I saw two blind people fighting I shouted "I'm supporting the one with the knife!" They both run away.

Score: 315

I saw two blind guys fist fighting, I yelled, "I'm betting on the guy with the knife."
And they both ran away.

Score: 312

Why is wrestling stupid?? It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....

Score: 275

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system. You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

Edit: changed the quantity of sons.

Score: 209

2 blind kids were fighting at school... A bunch of students started to crowd around the fight. One of the students yelled “I’ve got 20 bucks on the one with the knife!”

Both of them ran away

Score: 181

Who is this rorschach guy..... and why does he paint all these pictures of my parents fighting.

Score: 172

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest? Alien vs. Predator

Score: 158

A boy calls 9-11. "9-11 what is your emergency?"

The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."

"Well who's your father?"

"Well that's what they're fighting about."

Score: 151

Why doesn’t Conor McGregor like fighting in the spring? Because of Mayweather

Score: 143

In the 90's America was fighting a war on drugs In the 60's and 70's America was fighting a war, on drugs

Score: 129

"How'd the session go with your new therapist?" "It was a waste of time. He just kept showing me pictures of my parents fighting."

Score: 116

Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus... The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.

Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”

Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.

Score: 115

So, I googled the “Rorschach” test the other day.. All I could find were pictures of my parents fighting..

Score: 114

I googled what a Rorschach test was But all I found were pictures of my parents fighting. Weird.

Score: 95

What do you call a mexican and a priest fighting? Alien vs predator

Score: 92

Wrestling is stupid Men without pants fighting over a belt.

Score: 83

What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a child rapist? Alien vs Predator

Score: 72

My girlfriend was fighting 5 people, so I had to jump in... There's no way she could take all 6 of us.

Score: 50

Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated

Score: 40

A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."

Score: 29

Darth Vader is fighting Luke Skywalker... Darth Vader says to Luke: "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."
Luke: "How could you possibly know?"
Vader: "I felt your presents."

Score: 23

Two little brothers were fighting and arguing... The first one says: Well, you were adopted!

The second one replied: Well, at least they wanted me!

Score: 22

What do you you call a film about an illegal immigrant fighting a child molester? Alien vs. Predator

Score: 19

So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!

Score: 18

I saw 2 blind men fighting... And said,"My bet's on the one with the knife."

Then they both ran away.

Score: 15

New Fighting Jokes

What did George Bush say when he was fighting in war? I ambush

Score: 5

Twins fighting over whom their mother loves more .... Twins fighting over whom their mother loves more ....

Mom: It’s hard to tell, because one is a mistake and the other is an accident.

Score: 2

What’s the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities? Riposte

Score: 5

I recently saved my town from an invasion of monsters and demons by fighting them off with my trusty baseball bat My neighbours are furious and keep telling me that I ruined halloween

Score: 13

I'm going to a new fighting class to help me prepare for Convid 19 It's called Kung-flu

Score: 2

Wich community started fighting for LGTB+ rights first? The gaming community

Score: 2

Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack? Because it's assault.

Score: 6

I just heard the Klan isn't racist anymore. Instead of fighting color they're fighting crime.

(I'm so sorry)

Score: 3

I don't believe the Rorschach test works, you know the therapy ink block test thing!? I don't know who it is but they keep just painting pictures of my parents fighting

Score: 8

What’s the similarity between a yoga instructor, a plant, and a tank? They all made it into the rosters of crossover fighting games.

Score: 2

My brother and I were fighting each other yesterday at our campfire It was in tents

Score: 3

Courtesy of my 8 year old: Why did the lipstick, eyeliner, and foundation keep fighting each other? Because they could never makeup!

Score: 10

Did you hear about the fighting rooster who never lost a fight? His record was impeccable.

Score: 2

After decades of fighting his terrible cigarette addiction, my grandfather finally stopped breathing

Score: 2

Does anyone know who this Rorschach guy is? He keeps drawing pictures of my parents fighting

Score: 7

What do you call a Catholic Priest and an illegal immigrant fighting? **Alien** vs **Predator**

Score: 2

What's up with that Rorschach guy? Why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Score: 15

What's black and grey and rolls around in the parking lot of a McDonald's? Mr. T and a pigeon fighting over a french fry.

I know it's old but it always made me laugh.

Score: 3

Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing. And that's just to get the remote.

Score: 6

I hate when people exaggerate. Let's be honest, there's no way EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting.

Score: 2

What vegetable is the best at fighting? BROCC LEE

Score: 8

What do you call two lawn companies fighting over a lawn? A turf war.

Score: 3

Pi is fighting with i Pi : get real
i : be rational

Score: 4

A boy calls 911... Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Score: 7

What does the crew to the enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus fighting Klingons.

Score: 9

The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump... No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.

Score: 3

My muslim neighbors were fighting over their suzuki and nissan cars. The Ciaz vs Sunny problems are getting out of hand.

Score: 7

Fighting on the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics It doesn't matter who wins, you're both retarded!

Score: 6

What did May tell June when they were fighting? Don't July to me

Score: 3

What's a pig's most deadly fighting move? Porkchop

Score: 3

Two Jewish kids are fighting, one throws ash on the other. The other says:"Don't get your parents involved"

Score: 9

Why does a fighting fish keep its eyes open? So it can sea anenome.

Score: 10

Me and my mate have just been fighting over which is the best vowel. I won.

Score: 2

What Fighting Style Uses Bread As A Weapon? Tae-Kwon-Dough.

Score: 1

Guy runs to a police officer: Help! there are two girls fighting over me! Officer: So...what's the problem..?
Guy: The ugly one is winning...

Score: 11

My parents just got divorced and are fighting over custody of me. Neither of them want me.

Score: 2

What do you call a ilegal immigrant fighting a child molester? Alien vs Predator

Score: 5

It was difficult to turn off my wife's life support today You try fighting off 2 nurses, 1 doctor, and my 3 kids!

Score: 3

I saw two homeless people fighting with cardboard.. Must have been a pillow fight.

Score: 4

I was going to post a fighting joke But i forgot the punchline

Score: 6

Two dogs were fighting the other day. So I called the police to report domesticated abuse.

Score: 4

I called the cops on two guys who were gonna start fighting anytime Turns out they were just having a conversation in Italian

Score: 5

What do you call a group of anuses fighting for their rights? A bowel movement

Score: 3

I was sword fighting this guy medieval style then all of a sudden he starts to unscrew his pommel And then it hit me...

Score: 6

Regarding the war on terror Fighting it in the Middle East seems a little crazy. I would've started with our nation's haunted houses.

*credit Norm Macdonald. Or at least one of his interns.

Score: 1

I tried to act out 2 dudes fighting each other, but it turned out horribly. I'm still beating myself up over it.

Score: 2

A man from Hungary is fighting a well-endowed German It's a Hungarian vs. a Hung-Aryan

Score: 2

Trumps first week in office proves he's a bigot. I mean its only been 3 days and he's fighting trans partnership.

Score: 3

Never argue with somebody legally blind about spear fighting... they can hardly see your point.

Score: 4

People say any man with two hands has a fighting chance. I say any mean with one hand has a beating chance.

Score: 2

Went to the local videogame shop to buy my nephew a decent fighting game for christmas... Tried to find mortal kombat but they were all Tekken.

Score: 1

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip? Recalculating route.

Score: 2

Two hillbilly sisters are fighting about who is better They ask their dad.
"Daddy who's your favorite daughter?"
The father looks at both of them, "Your mother."

Score: 1

At the restaurant with food still on my plate... Server: "Do you wanna box for that"
Me: "No. It's not worth fighting for"

Score: 13

Why did the Mexican civil war last so long? Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

Score: 4

Apparently a Mexican is fighting a Muslim on HBO tonight. Who said Trump's dreams can't come true?

Score: 8

I'm really good at fighting.... I won my last fight by 100 metres

Score: 3

What is an Arabs favorite fighting technique? Hijab

Score: 2

I saw some snails fighting in my driveway... They were really slugging it out.

Score: 2

Who is this Rorschach Inkblot guy? And why does he make so many weird paintings of my parents fighting..

Score: 3