Flu Jokes

My daughters favorite joke... What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!" Alas, swine flu.

What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu? one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'.
i'm sorry.

You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly... Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

What's the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu? One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment.


I'll see myself out.

What is the most common illness in China? Kung Flu.

My doctor told me I had the airport flu. He says it's terminal.

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot? He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu you get tweetment, swine flu you get oinkment.

The Pope is sick. Apparently the Pope resigned because he was sick with bird flu. He got it from a Cardinal.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

The phone rang in the principal's office... Principal: "Hello?"

Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."

Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"

Caller: "Umm my dad."

My dad told me that I would only be successful when pigs fly. WELL GUESS WHAT DAD?! Swine Flu.

The new Pope got Bird flu... ...I heard he caught it from one of his Cardinals.

They said when pigs fly.. But the swine already flu

Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other needs oinkment

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have Bird Flu, you need tweetment. If you have Swine Flu, you need oink-ment.

When my mother died all my father said was, "Cough, fatigue, fever." He's a man of flu words.

If you get an email that says canned ham can cause swine flu.. Just delete it because it's Spam

Did you hear about the Amish flu? First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

I slept with my best friend’s wife and now I feel awful. She must have given me the flu or something.

What does a sick ninja practice? kung flu

How did they cure the swine flu? With oinkment.

What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu? Murder most fowl.

I became ill after taking self-defense classes... I think I caught Kung Flu.

WebMD just released the entire catalog of human diseases... * cancer
* flu

It’s the cold and flu time of year Or as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.

What device is best to measure a mother's temperature? A ther-mom-meter

From my 10 year old who had the flu the past couple of days.

What is the difference between the avian flu and the swine flu? One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.

What’s the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig? There actually was a time when swine flu.

What time of year is Mercury and Uranus closest together? Flu season

I had the swine flu but they cured me... Now I have bacon flu.

A patient tells his doctor he thinks he contracted Swine Flu and Avian Flu at the same time. The doctor tells him "I'll believe that when pigs fly."

Anti-vaxxers and Vaxxers will get this. The flu

Where is the flu most common? In cities with high levels of congestion!!

how did joe smuggle a virus? he flu.

A PS4 and XBOX One had the flu... And here comes the ambulance:
WII U WIIU WIIU WII U.