Flu Jokes

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Funniest Flu Jokes

My daughters favorite joke... What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

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Funny Flu Jokes
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This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!" Alas, swine flu.

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What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu? one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'.
i'm sorry.

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You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly... Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

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What's the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu? One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment.


I'll see myself out.

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What is the most common illness in China? Kung Flu.

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My doctor told me I had the airport flu. He says it's terminal.

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Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot? He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu you get tweetment, swine flu you get oinkment.

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The Pope is sick. Apparently the Pope resigned because he was sick with bird flu. He got it from a Cardinal.

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If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

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The phone rang in the principal's office... Principal: "Hello?"

Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."

Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"

Caller: "Umm my dad."

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My dad told me that I would only be successful when pigs fly. WELL GUESS WHAT DAD?! Swine Flu.

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The new Pope got Bird flu... ...I heard he caught it from one of his Cardinals.

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They said when pigs fly.. But the swine already flu

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Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment.

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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other needs oinkment

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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have Bird Flu, you need tweetment. If you have Swine Flu, you need oink-ment.

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When my mother died all my father said was, "Cough, fatigue, fever." He's a man of flu words.

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If you get an email that says canned ham can cause swine flu.. Just delete it because it's Spam

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Did you hear about the Amish flu? First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

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I slept with my best friend’s wife and now I feel awful. She must have given me the flu or something.

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What does a sick ninja practice? kung flu

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How did they cure the swine flu? With oinkment.

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What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu? Murder most fowl.

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I became ill after taking self-defense classes... I think I caught Kung Flu.

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WebMD just released the entire catalog of human diseases... * cancer
* flu

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It’s the cold and flu time of year Or as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.

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What device is best to measure a mother's temperature? A ther-mom-meter

From my 10 year old who had the flu the past couple of days.

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What is the difference between the avian flu and the swine flu? One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.

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What’s the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig? There actually was a time when swine flu.

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What time of year is Mercury and Uranus closest together? Flu season

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I had the swine flu but they cured me... Now I have bacon flu.

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A patient tells his doctor he thinks he contracted Swine Flu and Avian Flu at the same time. The doctor tells him "I'll believe that when pigs fly."

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Anti-vaxxers and Vaxxers will get this. The flu

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Where is the flu most common? In cities with high levels of congestion!!

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how did joe smuggle a virus? he flu.

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A PS4 and XBOX One had the flu... And here comes the ambulance:
WII U WIIU WIIU WII U.

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New Flu Jokes

why didn't the sick person get the joke? cause it flu over his head

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Why did the pilot get sick? Because he flu

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new facial hairstlye in china Flu Manchu.

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I'm going to a new fighting class to help me prepare for Convid 19 It's called Kung-flu

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Had Corona virus occurred prior to 1997 and the Chinese covered it up It would have been called the Italian Flu instead of the Wuhan virus.

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The trees in Lord of the Rings were well versed in diseases. You might even call them flu-ent.

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What do you call a disease which started in China? Kung-Flu

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Why are there more doctors in China now? They're Kung Flu fighting.

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I don't see what the big deal is with this coronavirus... When I was in college I it the "bud flu," but now I just say "hangover."

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How did the flu virus get rich? It joined Instagram & "Viral Instagram Influenza" sold tons of infected bath water.

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What’s the difference between Mike Tyson with the flu, and my ex girlfriend? At least Mike Tyson was thick.

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What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? The bird flu gets tweetment and swine flu gets oinkment.

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What do you call someone who can talk to animals during flu season? A hoarse whisperer

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What happened to the egg when it got sick? It flu.

-Courtesy of my nine year old.

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They ran out crying 'Bird Flu !!!' I looked up and couldn't see any, I'm sure they were lying.

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What do you call a fly with the flu? A flew.

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WHAT DO YOU CALL A FLYING PIG? Swine flu

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Reincarnation A virus boasted to the crowd. "In a past life I was a fly!"

A heckler shouted, "and now you're a flu!"

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