Hilarious Future Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Future Jokes

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

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Someone once told me that taking money out of your savings account is stealing from your future self. Well luckily for me my future self won't be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

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Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

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I can see six years into the future. I must have 2020 vision.

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When I'm at a bar I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here’s a girl who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

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TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

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I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office It improved my outlook.

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Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea. Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

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So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

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"What do you wish to do in the future?" asks the teacher. Pete: "I want to be a pilot"

Tommy: "I want to be a doctor"

Margaret: "I want to be a good mother"

Frank: "I want to help Margaret"

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I can see 4 years into the future! You can say I have 2020 vision

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I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife. The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?

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I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it. So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.

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I went to go see a psychic the other day.. I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

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A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in "I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

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What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller.

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I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.

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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way...

My future's in ruins.

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What's the difference between a calendar and you? The calendar has a future.

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The past, the present and the future walk into a bar... ...Then things got tense.

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I can see 6 years into the future. Thanks to my 2020 vision.

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Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek? Dad: Cause it's the future son

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Did you know that drinking the fluid in a magic 8-ball will let you see the future? I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.

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I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

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I recently came into a HUGE amount of money. Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.

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Highlighter pens are the future... Mark my words

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Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek? Because it's the future

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Will glass coffins be popular in future? Remains to be seen.

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The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog

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I can see 3 years into the future I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.

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Did you know that if you drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8 Ball, you can see the future? My friend Keith did once and he said he was gonna die- and he did!

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Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies "I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"

"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."

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What do you call a fat lady that can tell your future? A four-chin teller

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If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 Ball you can tell the future.. My friend Keith did it once and then said he was gonna die, and he did

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I almost accepted a job as a museum historian but then I realized there's no future in it.

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If Matt Groening wanted to announce he wanted to do an Ask Me Anything... Would he say Future-AMA?

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My friend studies history in college I told him there's no future in it.

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Think about a future where humanity has no choice but to leave earth. It's unsettling

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The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar It was very tense

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New Future Jokes

I don't know how to tell my future child That zoomers doesn't mean the generation that learned through zoom

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Dr pepper recruits future diabetes patients Soda speak

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After pioneering eye surgery, I can see exactly 12 months into the future I have 2020 vision

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Pee is like your future Except clearer, and there's less question it's going down the drain.

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I dont see why we need to leave our planet in a better state for future generations The current generation cant get out of middle school before dying off.

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Your UG education can help shape your future Without it you'd just be a Shower Thot

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I went to the eye doctor today and they said I could see the future They told me I have 2020 vision

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Despite what people may try to claim and what studies they may pull up, the anti-vaxx movement is critical to improving mental health of future generations to come. Stupid won't stop itself from breeding.

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In the 1930s, a Ukrainian farmer was asked "What will the future of this new communist society look like?" The farmer replied "I don't know, but l am dying to find out."

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Facebook has promised to protect users from future data misuse. Meanwhile, Darth Vader is teaching CPR.

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When I was a child, they told me that The Children Are Our Future Then I grew up, and now they're saying it's actually these new children.

I know a Ponzi scheme when I see one.

*-Norm Macdonald*

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I kept getting kicked out of AA meetings for being too "preachy" and "unreservedly irrelevant". But they're living in the past and I want to help push us into the future... That's why I'd like to invite you to the inaugural meeting of Li-ion.

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Ever since I was young, I wanted to be a fortune teller But now I don't really see it in my future

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My friend said that if you drink the fluid from a magic eight ball you could tell the future..... He said that he was going to die, he died

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Claims that cloud storage is the future of smartphone memory issues Sounds good, but I have no data to back it up.

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Why is AI the future of firefighting? Humans can only see 30 flames per second

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I'm going on holiday to the future... I'm staying in a timeshare

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How does a zombie see his future? He uses his horrorscope!

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When I drink I think about the past, when I smoke weed I think about the future. When I'm drunk and stoned it's like back to the future.

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If you're giving a gift, what two things can you never put in the present? the past and the future

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My lights went out frequently as a child. I didn't have a very bright future

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My eyesight is so good I can see the future. I have 2020 visions.

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My optometrist says I have prophetic vision. I can see 3 years into the future, 2020 vision.

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What's the best thing a man can buy for his woman to save money in the future? A tombstone.

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The past, present, and future walk into a bar... Man, it was tense.

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I heard when the sun dies it's going to take the human race with it... I guess the future's not so bright

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I can see 3 years into the future It's called 2020 vision

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The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together. What a tense atmosphere.

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Interviewer: What have you planned for the future? Me: Lunch

Interviewer: Anything, like, long term, something you've put your thought into?

Me: Oh, Mexican for dinner.

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What do you call a dinosaur that can read the future ? A tarot-dactyl

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What does your future and a group of crows have in common? A murder

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Orange is the New Black predicted the future… Just take a look at our President and you'll see what I mean.

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Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek? Because they don't work in the future too.

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My cousin recently had her baby aborted. Such a shame, could have met my future first cousin once removed.

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The past, the present and the future walked into the bar it was tense.

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What do you call it when a future serial killer's mom has an abortion. A miscarriage of justice

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What do Americans with online student loans have in common with the French? They've both signed away their future without Le Pen

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What's the difference between a conspiracy theorist and a futurist? Replace the words "new world order" or "aliens" with the words "robots" or"AI," and replace the word "now" with "future." One gets laughed at, while the other gets invited to TED talks.

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I can see 3 years into the future thanks to my... 2020 vision

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The past, present and future all walk into a bar It was very tense

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The Future of Aaron Hernandez. I personally believe Aaron Hernandez would have been a great Punter in the NFL, I mean look at that wicked hang time...

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Why do the Autobots have a positive outlook on the future? Because their leader is Optimist Prime.

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A woman time traveled to when she was pregnant. She saw her son's future best friend, and said

"You've got a friend in me."

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What do you think of wind and solar energy? I am a big fan, I believe they have a bright future.

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What did Chris Brown's future girlfriend text him that she later regretted? 'Hit me up'

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You know why there are no Muslims in Star Trek? Because it's set in the future.

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I started a short plot summary for Back To The Future years ago and I finally finished today! It's about time.

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I enjoyed a satire about how people in the future come to terms with outrageous ideas and eventually become more and more like the presidents who adopt them. It was called "On the oranging of species"

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If you are a fan of Back to the Future and a fan of Bobbleheads.... Is it insensitive to have a bobble head of Marty McFly?

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I can see into the future For example, i can see 9Gags front page tomorrow by scrolling Reddits front page today!

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Why are there no Iraqis in Star Trek? Because it's set in the future.

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The past, present and future walked into a bar. And it was tense.

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What's the difference between a star and America? The star has a bright future.

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I Can see the future, Donald Trump wins the election This post made with **Internet Explorer**

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What does Bill Clinton's presidency and Hillary Clinton's future presidency have in common? Weiners got them both in trouble but in the end nobody really cared.

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The kind of woman that ya make your wife. I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

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How does a psychic cokehead tell the future? With a magic 8-ball

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How do men show that they have long term plans for the future? They buy 2 packs of beer instead of 1.

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Mary Poppins retired to the West Coast of the US to become a fortune teller, rather than reading people's palms she would see the future by smelling their breath. She became a Super California Mystic Expert of Halitosis.

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Teacher said this one in class....Why are there no Muslims in Star Trek? Because it's the future.

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