Hilarious Garden Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Garden Jokes

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

Score: 24660

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

Score: 2848

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today she killed a cockroach.

I said "Nice try."

Score: 1042

I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it. The plot thickens.

Score: 931

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

Score: 489

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time. The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

Score: 200

Score: 182

As I suspected, someone's been adding soil to my garden The plot thickens

Score: 165

My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well

Score: 135

When my wife starts ... When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Score: 129

"Where's your mother in law?" - "She's in the garden."

- "Where? I can't see her."

- "You have to dig a little."

Score: 127

Roses are red, Violets are red, Bushes are red,
Trees are red,
My garden is on fire.

Score: 116

Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

Score: 115

I was digging in the back garden... .. Whan I came across a horde of viking coins, I was so excited I almost ran in to tell my wife,

Until I remembered why I was digging.

Score: 111

Where would man be without a woman? In the garden of Eden.

Score: 105

My daughter was playing in the garden when all of a sudden I saw her kill a butterfly. I said "just for that, you don't get any butter for a month!" Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said "nice try."

Score: 90

For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden and when I asked her about it, she just giggled and shrugged... The plot thickens...

Score: 87

A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden... ...but he didn't have root access.

Score: 81

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins Excited, I was about to run indoors to tell the wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...

Score: 79

One of my neighbours has stopped talking to me after I accused him of stealing from my back garden... ...I think he took a fence.

Score: 68

I knew someone had added dirt to my garden. And so, the plot thickens

Score: 66

I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers. They're cutting-hedge technology.

Score: 59

My wife just set up her beehives in the garden I think she's a keeper

Score: 55

SEO Expert walks into a bar... An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...

Score: 53

My wife is a horrible singer . When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Score: 53

roses are red, tulips are red, violets are red. my garden is on fire :(

Score: 49

While digging a hole in my garden, i found my lost wedding ring.. I rushed in to tell my wife, but remembered why i was digging the hole in the first place.

Score: 47

As I suspected, someone has been secretly adding layers of soil to my garden during the night. The plot thickens.

Score: 44

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

###

Score: 43

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins I was about to run straight inside to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

Score: 36

Somebody has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens

Score: 29

Seeing my ex for the first time in months left me with just one thought... I wish the neighbour's dog would stop digging up my garden…

Score: 29

When it's sunny, I think, "beer garden!" When it rains, I usually go to the bar for a while.

When it's snowing, I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.

I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather…

Score: 27

A boy with swollen cheek. Mom looks at her son and asks "What happened Timmy?".
Tim replies "A fly landed on my face in the garden.".
"Did it bite you?" asks mom.
"No, dad killed it with a shovel." says Tim.

Score: 26

What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.

Score: 25

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours. On a side note, our garden hose is completely wrecked.

Score: 15

As I suspected, someone’s been putting soil in my garden. The plot thickens.

Score: 13

Why did the Olive Garden manager get locked out of the restaurant? He had Gnocchi

Score: 12

I'm directing a film... ... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.

I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.

Score: 10

Sherlock was working on his garden, when Watson walked over and asked what he was planting. "What are you planting?" said Watson.

"It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson."

Score: 8

New Garden Jokes

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people A vegetable garden

Score: 4

I hope my future son doesn't ask too much questions about the human body Or else I'll just have to bury it in the garden

Score: 0

This morning I worked in the garden, pulling out the weeds. I put them out the front in a box with a sign, “Free weeds.” No one took them. I was puzzled ‘cause last week, my neighbour had a sign for “Free weed” and everyone came, even some cops.

Score: 0

I planted a dogwood tree in my backyard garden the other day instead of a scarecrow Turns out it's all bark and no bite

Score: 0

What's an urban garden statue? A metronome.

Score: 2

I just put up an electric fence around me garden The neighbour's dead against it

Score: 2

Help wanted at herb garden. Full thyme.

Score: 1

Kids were playing with my garden tools again... ... so I've locked them in the garage.

They've been banging on the door all day.

Score: 1

Bought a pair of working socks yesterday. I put them in the garden when I got home, they have not done a stroke of work, that is £5.99 i wont see again.

Score: 2

What yo call a security person living in a den Garden

Score: 0

I saw a garden elf On the subway today muttering to himself click.... click.... click.... click....

He was a metro gnome.

Score: 3

Where do West Virginians go for Blind Dates? Olive Garden..when you're here you're family.

Score: 5

An SEO Expert Walks Into a Bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, bar stool, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whisky,

Score: 1

I was dropping off a parcel. On the front door there was a sign. It said, "Leave around the back."

So I drove through their garden, but there was no way out.

Score: 1

I thought I saw Michael J Fox in a garden centre the other day I can’t be sure though, he had his back to the fuchsias.

Score: 2

Fixing my garden I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year - he was really easy to get a lawn with

Score: 2

Sometimes, when I'm sad, I like to go in a garden I go there to bury myself and pretend I am a treasure.

Score: 2

The case of the Garden Murderer was dismissed Apparently all the evidence was planted

Score: 4

Olive joke A green olive and a black olive are hanging out, doing what olives do, going to the Olive Garden.

On the way out, the green olive trips and falls. The black olive is like OMG are you okay?

The green olive says yeah, olive

Score: 5

Why did the academic become a civil war recennactor in his back garden? It allowed him to be revolutionary in his field.

Score: 2

Where do you go if you get food poisoning from the Olive Garden? To the Hospitalliano.

Score: 3

What did Adam and Eve wear in the Garden of Eden? Eve wore a leaf and Adam wore a hole in it

Score: 2

I got a statue of Dwayne Johnson for outside my house Whenever anyone asks about it, I get to tell them it's in The Rock Garden

Score: 2

What do you get when weeds start growing in a vegetable garden? Baked potatoes.

Score: 3

How do you make a gypsy take a bath? Leave it on the front garden.

Score: 4

A joke from my dad A balding man said to his wife
"I've bought several rabbits for the garden"
Why?
"Well from a distance it'll look like I have lots of hare"

Score: 5

Does the dead hooker in my shed... ...count as a garden hoe?

Score: 3

I was outside in my garden when a guy walked to me and started insulting me, so I roasted him in front of everyone. He tasted really good with fries.

Score: 1

When was the first computer made? The Garden of Eden...

Apple...

It had one byte.

Score: 2

I grew a massive herb in my garden. I told all of my family and friends about it but none of them thought it was a big dill.

Score: 3

Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."

Score: 4

What is long, brown and runs around the garden? A fence.

Score: 6

Life is like a garden I don't have one

Score: 2

How do you say McDonalds in Italian? Olive Garden

Score: 4

I've decided to start my own herb garden. I've got a lot of extra Thyme.

Score: 4

Just say No I spent today grinding down the latch from the little wooden door that leads into my garden, then tried smoking the resultant powder only to find that it had zero effect on me - so much for these gateway drugs...

Score: 2

What's the difference between a garden hose and a the male prostate? Well, there is a vas deferens.

Score: 1

Two men break into a Garden Centre [OC] When a security guard started shouting insults at them.

One of them took a fence

Score: 1