Hilarious Girl Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Girl Jokes

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number. I told her we use names here.

Score: 27217

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Score: 22270

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud.. But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I’m not one of them.

Score: 18567

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday. That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

Score: 18204

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"

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My mother used to tuck me in every night She always wanted a girl :(

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My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."

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If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive.. .. they would eventually find me attractive

Score: 15979

Today a girl kissed me I wish I could post it in another subreddit

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You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.

Score: 14317

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said “let’s take this upstairs” “Ok” I said “ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other”

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I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

Score: 13598

Hey girl, are you a broken compass? Because I’m not really sure where I’m going with this

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My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!". Always Tolkien in her sleep...

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Hey girl, are you a newspaper? Because there’s a new issue with you every single day

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Pregnant wife: What should we call it if it’s a girl? **me:** Herbert

**pregnant wife:** but what if it’s a b-

**me:** Himbert

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A girl walks into a dry cleaner She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."

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I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"

I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton

Score: 11622

I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend

Score: 11550

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet.

Score: 11310

A girl once told me, “If you lost about 50 pounds you’d be cute” I told her, “if I lost 50 pounds I’d be talking to your friends!”

Score: 10948

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting. She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Score: 10928

Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

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Hey girl, are you an obelisk? Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.

EDIT: Meant to do this before this post got too popular, but it exploded while I was at school. Credit goes to @ewfeez from twitter

Score: 10644

My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

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If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will be. No need to remind her about it every 15 minutes

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I took an epileptic girl to a rave I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.

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Funny when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud... But when a girl sleeps with a tons of guys, somehow I am not one of them

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I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours. We just clicked.

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I dated a girl in a wheelchair She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

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I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away

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Think Mayweather/Mcgregor is going to be the biggest fight of the year? Just wait until my girl finds out I paid $100 to see it.

Score: 3825

My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

Score: 3470

Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.

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The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses." Girl: "I don't wear glasses."

Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do."

Score: 2727

If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested you or you're level 99 friend-zoned. Or she hasn't spotted you behind the tree yet.

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A guy goes to a halloween party with a girl on his back. The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"

Score: 2216

My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off... I said son that's 4 schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you

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I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey. I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".

"Is that your real name?", she asked.

I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

Score: 1848

New Girl Jokes

If you wanna find the gender of an ant, put it in water. If it drowns, it’s a girl ant. If it floats, it’s buoyant.

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I was sitting on a train yesterday and saw this stunningly beautiful Thai girl. I thought to myself, “Please don’t get an erection, Please don’t get an erection”. But she did.

Score: 198

There's an easy way to tell an ants gender Put in on water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

Score: 183

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table... I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 381

A girl walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "I'd like a double entendre, please."

So he gives it to her.

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

Score: 1283

A guy goes to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken and meets a girl dressed as an egg. The answer is the chicken.

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A cute girl winked at me She must be extra interested because she winked with both eyes.

Score: 243

Got checked out by cute girl The total was $3.92

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I was talking to a girl in a bar last night She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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How do you tickle a rich girl? Say “Gucci Gucci Gucci!”

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How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."

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This girl said she would go out with me if I knew a six letter word that's a synonym for "calm". I said, "It's sedate."

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Boy: [kissing girl on couch] you wanna take this upstairs? Girl: He-he, sure baby.

Boy: Awesome! Grab the other end, and try not to scuff the banister.

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This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets when she said she recognized me I said I never met herbivore

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What would a Skyrim guard say if he saw you choking a little girl? No loli gaggin'

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When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left. I don’t want to intimidate her with the competition right away

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I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken

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A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes" She took away the extra chair in front of me.

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. It's only when you put her in the trunk that she starts to freak out.

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Do you know who i am? Boy: Our principal is so stupid.

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No

Girl: I'm the principal's daughter.

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No

Boy: Good (*walks away)

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A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

Score: 1037

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China" It was her made-in name

Score: 303

If I had a nickel for every time a girl didn't find me attractive... Girls would find me attractive

Score: 196

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Score: 1672

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

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My mom used to tuck me in at night... I think she really wanted a girl.

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The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend"… …is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".

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I lost my watch I lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

Score: 229

I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt... So, I made a move on her.

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If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day. If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.

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I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone "Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"

"No" she sobbed

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

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I told a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless, poor thing

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My girl is so smart! My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)

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I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

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Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park... but is better for boy to park meat in girl."

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Girl, are you a Windows update? Because not now.

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Girl are you a newspaper? Cause you've got a new issue every day.

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A girl says to her mom, "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe". Mom says, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"

And the girl replies, "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."

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Girl, are you Norton Antivirus? Because when you're running, I can't seem to do anything but watch.

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A joke my late grandfather told me... Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.

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How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry? 10 tickles

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My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend? I replied I would rather compete against one guy than the whole world

Score: 364

My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off. I said, "Son, that's the third school this year..." "Maybe teaching isn't for you."

Score: 755

Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard

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Why is that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a player But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys it's your mom?

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Boy: come over Girl: I'm coming over

Boy: We should stop using walkie talkies in bed over

Score: 325

Why is it that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he is a player... But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys i'm not one of them?

Score: 235

A guy and a girl are in the same programming class.. Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.

Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"

He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

Score: 427

When I'm at a bar I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here’s a girl who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

Score: 613

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

Score: 277

Girl, you must be a trash can... Because I want to take off your top and stick my junk in you.

Score: 246

A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?'' He replies "He's a magician."

She asks "Is he good?"

He says "Yeah, he disappeared 8 years ago."

Score: 297

I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.

Score: 366

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.

Score: 1441

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

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Nothing beats a pretty girl with a beautiful singing voice except for Chris Brown

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I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive.

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A black guy and a white girl are at a party A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

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I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out.

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