Goldfish Jokes

I had a Goldfish that could break dance on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once

I think my goldfish likes it when I take him out of his bowl… He sure wags his tail a lot…

Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. At one point, one of them turns to the other. Do you know how to drive this thing?

My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

Two Goldfish are in a Tank One turns to the other and says..

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two Goldfish Are Sitting In A Tank One turns to the other and says "I'll man the guns, you drive"

What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.

Two goldfish are in their tank... One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

My friends Goldfish died the other day So I surprised her and got her an identical one! She was furious saying “what am I supposed to do with two dead goldfish?”

Either my wife genuinely thinks she's a goldfish... Or she's just acting Koi.

My goldfish died. And I only got to take him on one walk.

Two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says: I'll drive. You man the gun.

Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Know how to drive this thing?"

Two Goldfish were in a tank. What did one fish ask the other? So how do you drive this thing?

The best part about owning a pet. You can blame your dog for farting,
you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement.

Two goldfish are sitting in a tank.... One fish turns to the other and says, ‘soooo, how do you drive this thing?’

My son says this is my best dad joke ever.

There are two goldfish in a tank One fish turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive".

Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank One fish turns to the other and says, 'Any idea on how to drive this thing ?'

What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? A goldfish likes to muck around the fountain...

Two goldfish were in ther tank One turned to the other and said, "You man the guns; I'll drive"

I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?”

The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”

I said, "I don't care what astrological sign it is."

There were these two goldfish, sitting in a tank.... One says, "You drive. I'll do the guns."

Epilepsy Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”.

Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today... The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him "I don't care what starsign it is."

Two goldfish are in a tank... One said, "you man the guns, and I'll drive".

My Dad always calls me goldfish... I forget why

2 Goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What do Donald Trump and Goldfish have in common? They're both tasteless orange crackers

So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

I once had a goldfish that knew how to breakdance But only for 20 seconds.

A man took his goldfish to the vet. "I think that my goldfish is epileptic!" said the man.

"He seems okay; he doesn't look epileptic." replied the vet.

"Well I haven't taken him out of the tank, yet!"

Two goldfish are in a fish tank One goldfish keeps swimming while the other one says,

"Do you know how to drive this thing?".

Two goldfish are in a tank, says the one to the other: I'll drive, you man the guns.

How did one goldfish get the attention of another goldfish? He yelled, "A u, fish!"

Two goldfish are in a tank One turns to the other and says, "I'll man the guns, you drive."

A Goldfish has memory for up to 5 months The average gamer has memory for about 24 hours

To whoever discovered goldfish You are a twit