Hilarious Government Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Government Jokes

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media But every American knows that America is the best country in the world

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Why is suicide illegal in China? Destruction of government property

Score: 14958

Did you hear the government is banning participation trophies? They start taking down all the confederate statues next week.

Score: 9870

What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work? Kick them out of congress.

Score: 6769

The American Government is just like a car... If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)

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North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media… But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!

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"Thank you for calling the NSA..." "The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"

Score: 1221

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked. The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

Score: 847

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot: It worked.

Score: 678

What is a government mandate? When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

Score: 535

If Trump is elected president... He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.

Score: 507

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

Score: 422

The NSA A government organization that actually listens to you!

Score: 394

A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"

Score: 371

A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime' His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'

Score: 314

Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you? Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.

Score: 300

I'm starting to hate the U.S. government The NSA appears to be the only department which listens

Score: 297

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

Score: 289

How do you fix a government....? Try turning them off and then on again...

Score: 269

Why is the oval office oval shaped? Because the government cuts corners.

Score: 208

The NSA The only part of the government that actually listens

Score: 202

[Dark Humor]Why is suicide illegal? Destruction of government property.

Score: 164

Whats the difference between the government and a stripper? Strippers don't rig their polls.

Score: 156

The NSA The only part of the government that listens.

Score: 152

I'm in so much debt... I could start a government.

Score: 147

How do we know 9/11 wasn't a government plot? Because it worked.

Score: 131

So I asked my friend, "I hear your husband applied for a position in the government" Me:"What is he doing now?"

Friend: "Nothing"

Me: "But I thought he got the job!?"

Friend: "Yes he did."

Score: 129

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

Score: 126

My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control. I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?

Score: 124

My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government. Visitors only see the nice china.

Score: 119

It confuses me why people feel comfortable with government surveillance as “they have nothing to hide, so nothing to fear”.... ….but get really scared when I ask them to take their clothes off.

Score: 67

A white guy makes 400k a year but still lives in government housing... ...Trump really abuses the system.

Score: 59

Give a communist a fish? Feed them for a day

Teach a communist to fish

Now government has more fish

Score: 44

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.

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In 1868, Japan moved its seat of government and the location of its Emperor's home from Kyoto to Tokyo. It wasn't a big deal. They merely did some rearrangement and changed the capital.

Score: 38

I met a conspiracy theorist in Israel the other day. He kept ranting about Jews secretly not controlling the government.

Score: 35

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

Score: 33

Apparently the US government has to choose between supporting ISIS and the al-Assad regime... I think that's called getting caught between Iraq and a hard place.

Score: 23

What are the three branches of the government? Military, Corporate, and Hollywood

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New Government Jokes

I tried to get the Russian government to throw all of their old leaders in the Grand Canyon but they refused. Nobody understands my Tzar Chasm...

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im a honk Kong civilian, and im going to tell you what i think about our government \[removed\]

Score: 5

A man is being interviewed for a government position. The interviewer asks him "Do you advocate the overthrow of the government, by violence or subversion?".

The candidate replies "I think I prefer subversion.".

Score: 2

I called my brother a “jackass” for stealing government property from a public park. He took a fence.

Score: 3

Why cant you commit suicide in Soviet Russia? Because it's the destruction of government property.

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How come when the government gives itself money, it’s called “fractional reserving,” But when I give myself money, it’s called “theft,” “embezzlement,” and “fraud”?

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What do you call it when the Chinese government massacres their own people? Chinese pride

(I'm an ABC)

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People are fed up with electricity problems. And government don't give a dam

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The American Government is just like a car... If you want to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want to go backwards you put it in (R)

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While high on LSD a talking tree told me to overthrow the government. I said “I cant”

“That would be treeson”

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Did you hear about the libertarian terrorist plot to take over the government... ...and leave everyone alone?

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Why is there a solid traffic line painted down the middle of the corridor of the government office building? So the people coming in late don’t run into into the people going home early.

Score: 5

The JFK files will be released today. If there's anything that satisfies conspiracy theorists' curiosity, it's files released by the government.

Score: 3

Our government don't like thieves They hate competitors

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My favourite band used to be The Conspiracy Theorists, but they split up. It was the government's fault.

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Mob of Pot Smokers Overthrowing Government: "This is a high coup!"

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Government and attorneys are the same. Everyone hates them until you need one.

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My worthless brother just lives off the government... I told him not to become mayor

Score: 9

How is the government pranking millennials? By making them pay into Social Security.

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As a Filipino in 2017 Whenever I break a promise, I just say:

"Well, you voted for a man who promised to clean the government in three to six months! Get used to it."

Score: 2

My friend told me about this joke: United States Government

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What do Iranians and Americans have in common? They both hate the US government

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What did the government say to the contractor who thought they won the bid but complained when they found out otherwise? Did you just assume my vendor?

Score: 2

Don't steal The government hates competition

Score: 9

TIL that the government is selling military equipment for precious metals. Edit: Tanks for the gold!

Score: 9

Why is the right twix bar always more expensive ? That's cause the left uses government funding to make food cheaper for everyone.

Score: 17

Government can hear what you say but McDonald can't hear no pickles

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“Thank you for calling the NSA…” “The only government organization that actually listens to you.”

Score: 19

The US Government will be very supportive of NASA's efforts to put humans on Mars. The only thing NASA has to do is declare war on Mars!

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Never steal! The government hates competition.

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The Jews run everything - the government, the media, the banks... Israel is an interesting place.

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The Australian government wishes to band grated cheese They want to make Australia grate again

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Heard at Mass today that the government is providing scholarships to students who'd like to attend religious institutions... Someone Alert the Masses!

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What does a motorcycle and the government have it common? Once you have more power, you can't go back.

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Why is everybody questioning Trump’s integrity? He is not taking the salary usually given by the United States to be the President. He honestly feels he should not be paid by more than one government.

Score: 20

Knock knock... [who's there?]

A STRONG AND STABLE GOVERNMENT

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(Original) What do you call it when Trump and Mike Pence go to the movies together? A government mandate

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NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars And then watch the funding skyrocket

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Good News! I heard that the US government will stop enhanced interrogations. On a related note I hear that United Airlines has a new government contract.

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What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Score: 5

What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.

Score: 8

Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president? We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!

Score: 19

What is it called when you rob a government official? A refund!

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I petitioned to rename a Canadian province... Their government would have Nunavut

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Daylight Savings Explained When told the reason for Daylight Savings Time, the Old Indian said, "Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket."

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Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film? Because interest in the Bond is so low.

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18:- can I buy a bottle of wine? Government :- No, that's illegal and irresponsible.

18:- Can I go $40,000 into debt for education??

Government :- we encourage it.

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So the British government have just produced a white paper detailing their plan of leaving the EU Well, they weren't about to use black or brown paper now were they?

Score: 2

I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.

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What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties? A dic-tater.

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TIL now the country of Canada got its name! The government got a bag of scrabble letters and decided they would name their country after the first letters they pulled out! According to historical records it went like this:

"C ay, N ay, D ay..."

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Obama proved a black man can even be president.. And that no matter how high up a black man gets he can't get out of government housing!

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Here's a joke about North Korea [This post has been removed by the North Korean Government]

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[Politics] Illegal immigrants are lucky The government is helping them escape the US

...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs

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Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.' Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'

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I didn't believe it when they told me the government had accidentally opened a portal to another dimension while trying to spy on the Russians... But I guess stranger things have happened.

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What do you call a snake that works for the government? ~~A civil serpent~~

Senator.

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How do government employees wink when they're at work? They briefly open one eye.

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Did you hear about the secret cure for everything that the government doesn't want us to know about? Exactly...

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North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When everyone knows that America is the best country in the world.

Score: 3